My deepest fear

I am terrified of showing sexual interest in anyone.


There. I stated it. That is my deepest fear.

When I think of approaching women in an indirect way, I know that someday I can do it. It's a matter of skills and overcoming fear of approaching strangers and getting yourself in the line. But showing sexual interest is petrifying. If I can get over that I will become a MAN.
So what are my plans now? Of course show interest in a girl. But, in a way so that nothing interferes with the process. If I'm afraid to speak I must get that fear aside, brush it off for later and only confront myself with the fear of showing interest. I think confident eye contact and smile is good for a start. And I must be sure she knows what I mean.

The evolutionary advantage

When you're not taking a risk, what really is happening is you are not willing to accept the potential loss. So... there is nothing you need to change while thinking. Thoughts come automatically. It is what you do with them that counts. So ASSESS thoughts, be willing to take whatever negative things come up to you and DECIDE that you will do this no matter what.


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http://www.mysterymethod.com/forum/showthread.php?t=24638&highlight=Cartography+Hell

"The models we build are tools, that is their evolutionary purpose, and that is the evolutionary value of them. Otherwise they are just thought patterns that bounce around inside a person's head, and of no use to anyone. Thoughts that do not help you to interact with the real world have no benefit in helping you to survive, or to reproduce. This means that evolutionarily, they are dead ends."

If your thoughts bring you closer to accomplishing something you will feel good about them. That's why depressing thoughts depress you even more. It's bad to think that way for the organism.

"[..] if you get fixated upon the importance of any specific thing, you will be subtly consumed by a destructive addiction in which your entire internal world of thought is re-calibrated in terms of the emptiness of the thing you seek."


Negative emotions are there because your ogranism wants you to fight for life. It wants you to stop whatever you're doing and do what has evolutionary value. Stop trying to let go of the bad emotions, or trying to focus on something else. The negativity will be there until you do something about them. You cannot switch them off. If you feel bad about your life, don't watch comedies to get in a better mood, do something in this moment that will bring you towards a better life.

"This is the situation you face. It is a situation you face because you are a human being, and these things are hardwired into you by four million years of evolution. You cannot escape it, any more than you can run away from your own legs."

"Your fear is your compass - the things you are afraid of will always be the things that you need the most to confront to make yourself happy. Don't dodge around them. Don't work out coping strategies. Fight them like a fucking nutter. Fight them until you have beaten them all to death with the sheer force of your will, your courage, and all of the amazing strength of character that your evolution has placed at your disposal.'


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Why being yourself has evolutionary advantages:

http://www.mysterymethod.com/forum/showthread.php?t=23893&highlight=Cartography+Hell

Subliminal

I felt very confident today. No shy thoughts came to my mind. I didn't feel like this in the past 3 months. Finally. I listened to a subliminal anti-social-anxiety music the day before (http://free-subliminal.nlpweekly.com/overcome-shyness-social-anxiety/play.html). I guess it works.

Also I invented my new ultimate technique for inner game, it's called
HGVCR. I'll write about it some time later.

Being yourself

These 2 articles changed my decisions lately :
http://sexrevolutionblog.com/?p=145
http://sexrevolutionblog.com/?p=152
I realized I know too much and it is compromising me. I need to focus my attention on something else and let my social skills develop on their own now. I need to start from the very basics. If I'm not willing to get through the pain of learning I won't ever do anything. All the learning comes from fear that I need to be perfect first. I need to be perfect so I don't get hurt. And as I'm sitting here now, after a workout yesterday, my whole body is aching. I am in pain, I can barely move. I ate a lot of proteins and it wasn't very pleasant. I do all this IN SPITE of all the negative things. I don't even know if I'm gonna get to the end of the road of body building. The only thing I have is an image of my ideal self in my head. It is my road sign. Why can't I use this in pick-up? Why am I not willing to get through the pain in this part of my life while I can easily do it in others? It certainly isn't the pain that is stopping me. What IS!?


On another note:
I met this guy while standing in line today. He spoke to me which was unusual. I started observing him and I realized he is exactly the type of person I want to be. He was this social, cool, be-friend everybody guy. He had a constant smile on his face. His body language was totally relaxed. He looked at everybody as if they were his friends. He would talk like he was the center of attention bringing everybody to attention with his eye contact. He would talk EXACTLY the same way to EVERYBODY, to his girlfriend, to the guy in the shop, to me. He was just BEING HIMSELF with EVERYBODY. He ASSUMED that EVERYBODY LIKES HIM. That's it.


So getting back to the first part of this post.
I need to focus on being myself around everybody I meet during the day. Once I'm comfortable with that I can start adding technology that is already in my head.

A man which can attract

I've broken an invisible barrier. It happened some time this summer. Before that, because of my zero success with women I secretly thought I was sterile.
Today I am not very different in my interactions with girls but they happen on a totally new level. I finally make sexual communication. I am a sexual being, I know it and they know it. From this point anything can happen because I believe all is possible. A great lift has been carried off my shoulders. Whatever happens I know I can have women in my life. Most of all I don't have to be PERFECT.

Learning

Reading does not accomplish anything. Reading just gives you confidence that what you are doing is right. Real learning comes from observing other people. All the social skills that I have and especially the new ones, I observe, are direct rip-offs of people I know or watched. And I never learned this consciously. This is a very interesting subject and I am thinking that this is the only thing that is really important in self improvment (the other thing is imagining things you desire (this could also be the same thing, because as U.G. says there is no difference between what you see with your eyes open or closed because you can never really see (it's just thoughts, everything you experience is something translated for you by the brain))). I want to write about this more later.
But for now here are things I can do to improve myself by watching:
- watch comedians, comedies and sit-coms (my funniness comes from a specific point of view, a sit-com reality in my head, not from memorized lines)
- watch pick-up artists in action (seeing someone do something unimaginable shifts your reality totally)
- hang around with naturals and alpha men (you just adapt their body language and things they do)

Groaning

U.G.Krishnamurti

I have been studying this guy for a couple of months. He is really messing with my head.

"U.G.: Conditioning is tradition. The Sanskrit word for it is samskara. Tradition is what you are -- what you call you. No matter how you may modify it, it continues. In life everything is temporary, and the attempt to give continuity to conditioning -- which is based upon thought -- is pathological in nature. You treat the psychological and the pathological as if they were two different things. Actually there is only the pathological there. Your samskara, the conditioning that makes you feel separate from yourself and the world, is pathological.
Where is this conditioning you talk of ...? Where are the thoughts located? They are not in the brain. Thoughts are not manufactured by the brain. It is, rather, that the brain is like an antenna, picking up thoughts on a common wavelength, a common thought-sphere.
All your actions, whether thinking of God or beating a child, spring from the same source -- thinking. The thoughts themselves cannot do any harm. It is when you attempt to use, censor, and control those thoughts to get something that your problems begin. You have no recourse but to use thought to get what you want in this world. But when you seek to get what does not exist -- God, bliss, love, etc. -- through thought, you only succeed in pitting one thought against another, creating misery for yourself and the world.
When the thought structure, pressed into the service of fear and hope, cannot achieve what it wants, or cannot be certain, it introduces what you call "faith". Where is the need for belief, or its alter-ego faith? When your beliefs have gotten you nowhere, you are told you must cultivate faith. In other words, you must have hope. Whether you are seeking God, or bliss, peace of mind, or, more tangibly, happiness, you end up relying on hope, belief, and faith. These dependencies are the tokens of your failure to get the results you desire."

A day earlier before reading this I had a vision. I was thinking about consciousness and that it is an attachment to the brain. Something new that evolution picked up. In quantum physics there is something like the Observer. The very fact that there is an observer changes physical properties of molecules. Now I imagined that there are like "observers" floating around the universe and each brain of a human captures an observer like this and that becomes "you", consciousness of humans. An observer is like an object, but without properties. Something like gravity. It is something that is there. The organism uses gravity to balance itself and also it uses observers for
conciousness.

I have no better explation of this. That was just my vision. Einstein probably imagined things like this before he went on calculating equations.
And now I read U.G. and I'm thinking that there might be just one conciousness. It is like a radio signal and the rain just taps into it. The signal is thoughts. Or one long, never-ending thought. The super-consciousness of all human beings.
There are two interesting facts about this. One is that you can have all the esources you can imagine, all the thoughts of every human that has ever existed and the ability to create everything from that. Two, there is nothing more than this wave signal, there is no "you", it is an illusion and you don't have to care to "succeed" because it is not your problem. This illusion is the attachment. It's like a hook used by the brain. It makes up an illusion that you control your actions through thoughts, because if it wouldn't seem like that it would lose the signal. This is what happens to enlightened people like U.G.. They lose the attachment to the consciousness.

So what's the conclusion from this thinking? Don't attach excessive meaning to anything because it is not your problem. This organism knows how to live and how to survive.

"The body, which is only interested in survival and procreation, treats both pain and pleasure alike. It is YOU who insist on stopping pain and extending pleasure. The body's response to both pleasure and pain is the same -- it groans"

Reward from your master

I haven't been going out since the last blog entry so... I have been doing a lot of thinking instead. Something that I'm good at lol.
Also I have renewed my Myspace experiment. I want to see what stuff works. Now I'm using simple techniques to try to get the phone number as quickly as possible. I'm still not commited to actually getting a date and going to it but we'll see.
I realized I don't have the feelings of awkwardness that I had a couple of months ago when messaging random people. It felt stupid back then and I rationalized it and the feeling had gone after a couple tries. I will try to do this at every step of the interaction I get into. I hope this will have relevance in real life then. I think it does. If not it's still an excellent tool fo practicing flirting.

Shit... I have been trying to remind myself for the last 5 minutes what I was really gonna write about. Some strange paradox I have come up to.

2 things.
Working on my passions really makes me happy. Girls don't.
I'm willing to sacrifice my happiness to get the girls.
Happiness is a measure of are you doing the right thing from the organisms point of view.

That last thing is a new thing to my equation. Basically good feelings are rewards from your brain for you. If you think about the right things you get a reward. That's why if you think for example about what you don't have you feel bad. It's not productive to think about bad things. The brain is keeping 'you' for a reason. You are there for the brain and for the whole organism. Not the other way around. It wants to use you to fulfill its needs. The organism wants benefit from you. So you must do the right thinking. And if you do that it rewards you with feeling good.
Now I know that living in the NOW is good. I was afraid that it is an illusion. That this creates happiness but it is just a feeling there that can destroy my vision and goals. The reality is the organism is making you feel good because living in the now, or meditating is the RIGHT WAY OF THINKING.

So back to my equation. I'm willing to sacrifice happiness... but I really don't have to. If I am unhappy in persuading girls it is just because I am thinking or doing the wrong thing. Or the person is wrong and I must change something. That's all.
This organism (me) wants girls too (heck it's the reason it exists) and it knows way better than me how to get them, without reading Double Your Dating. I'm just making it harder because of my thinking. And that's why I feel bad when I overthink and don't do what's right.

The original feeling

I found out a new technique for motivation. This was done after a lot of
thinking on how the brain works. A while ago I realized that I do things
because I DECIDE to do it. This is true but the fault of it was that I thought
deciding is a logical process. Well it is an emotional thing. For example: we
are sure of something only when we have a feeling of "sureness". So this
brings me to the question of - how to do something, something that you want.
Well you have to have an emotional reason for it. Here's the technique (which
needs to be field tested btw, I used it only on simple stuff and there is
always the risk that new techniques always work because they are interesting
for the brain and it is willing to try it out at least once):

I'll use a general example of approaching a lady.
When you first see a woman you get a gut feeling about her. This can be
anything from a variety of emotions: "I want to do her", "I wonder what's she
about?", "I wonder if she would be a good wife?" etc. Now if that was the only feeling you would get cold approaching would be done
automatically. This is why the 3-second rule works for many guys. But for me,
I have a very hyper-active hippocamp or whatever it is called (the part of the
brain that regulates your social behaviour) and it blocks those feelings and
replaces it with others that prevent you from approaching. Now there are many
ways to deal with bad feelings. You have to get rid of them. You do it by ACCEPTING them. After that they just flow out as useless pieces of data. What you are left then is... nothing. I had this problem a couple months ago. My confidence was at the top of the world and yet still I didn't approach. I didn't have any EMOTIONAL REASON for it. So if there was no reason, there was no gain. If there was no gain, there could be only loss. Hence nothing can be done! So the solution is something I am proud of.
When you get rid of the negative feelings you have to get back to that original feeling you got when you first saw the person, for example: "I want a piece of that". That emotion will make you approach.

Now I will go and test this, hopefully return with a positive report of some kind.

Strike 2

I don't GIVE my qualities and MAKE a woman feel something for me. I HAVE these

QUALITIES and that's why they want me.
The buyer needs my qualities and I need to sell them properly.

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Feelings that might be caused by bad doyles (I need to trace these out):

Feeling sleepy at social events


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I'm so excited. I found out what I screwed with my HB and why she isn't
contacting me. This blog by a chick explains all
http://nycpolly.blogspot.com/2006_05_01_nycpolly_archive.html.
Women seek validation when they talk about feeling bad or talking about their
insecurities. As a man I naturally am disgusted by it or shove it away or offer a logical solution. Wrong, wrong, wrong!
Just validate them and voila!

"
Me: i took them. somehow this process has bummed me out a bit. Not sure why, but ya can't control your emotions... (looking for validation)
IBF: I could tell. (strike one)
Me:Sorry to be a downer. (again, looking)
IBF: It's okay hon. (strike two)
Me: I know. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'll get over it. (looking again)
IBF: Well... it's okay to feel like that. We can talk about it later if it'll help. (Yes, finally.)
Me: You're wonderful, you know that? (Reward for validation)
IBF: I'm just me hon.
Me: No nausea btw. I feel fine. How's your day goin? (more reward)
IBF: Going okay... just plugging along... kind tired. How are you feeling? Any better? Are the pills making you sick? I'm so concerned. (Yes! Perfect!)
Me: Awh. You're sweet. I'm feeling fine actually. No side affects yet. And am feeling better emotionally.
IBF: Rain rain rain. Bored.
Me: I have stomach cramps. :-( (HELP! THIS IS BAD!!)
IBF: Yucky hon. How are you otherwise.
Me: Otherwise ok but the cramps suck. :( (YOU DIDN'T HEAR ME, THIS IS BAD!!!)
(later) IBF: Stomach feeling any better?
Me: A bit. Dancing helps. I think I'll be fine.
IBF: Well... Get some rest.... I'm gonna call it an early night. I'm beat. I hope you're feeling better. Talk to you tonight. Of course you can crash if you're not up to going home... That offer stands.
(When was this offer raised? I don't want to crash, I want lovins. Reassurance. Emotional support.)
Me: I should prob go home. And you prob need a break from me. :)
(This is where he's supposed to respond: A break from you? No, don't need that EVER.)
"

So if she complains about something, I just say "I think you're wonderful.".

Actually the above situation was strike 2 for me (or maybe strike 3?).
The first one was when she texted me something along the lines: "I'm off from
work chilling out". That's all. I played it cool and texted her I'm busy. She
wanted to talk then. She wanted reasurance that we're going to meet or sth.
Hm now I see why relationships are a totally different game. The real problem
is that I am looking for fun and she is looking for cracks in her search for
in ideal boyfriend.

---------------

How to eliminate desire?
Accept the fact that you want her!

Juggler's genius

Christian Carter:
Here are a few examples of the advice you'll
hear from the people around you:

- Act a little "bitchy" because men secretly like
it

- Go hang out where "good men" are likely to be
and you'll meet a great guy

- Be active, have fun and keep a busy and
interesting life of your own

- Don't act clingy or needy

- Don't expect to meet any good men in bars,
clubs, party places, etc.

- Meet men while doing things you like to do so
you have similar interests

- Let him initiate... wait for him to call you or
ask you out

- Play a little bit "hard to get"


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Juggler method forum:


APPROVAL REVERSE - Start giving approval


"So the thing you do when you talk is that you are approval giving instead of approval seeking. This comes down to that you don't need other people to like you. But you want other people to like you.
That's the key of skipping seeking approval. And instead start giving approval. Since you know that by giving approval people will like you. If the approval is genuine."

"The Alpha of the group is not the one doing all the talking, but the one everyone wants to talk to. Be approval giving not approval seeking. It makes sense that people will like you if you give approval! You just have to do it at the right time so they feel they deserve it.

There is less pressure on me because I don't have to talk more than anyone else in the group. I just need to reward and relate enough so people want to talk to me.

This is a great idea. I can't wait to put it into action!"


"For me being quiet isn't attached to your personality. The reason people are quiet is because they don't feel comfortable to express their personality. There values and their inner feelings. There view of seeing things.
The way to start being comfortable expressing your personality is by learning how to communicate and communication works."


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Why do people want me if I disqualify myself?
I have been great at this all my life.