OK where to start?
I did the opinion opener "Who lies more" for the very first time. Here's the story:
I went out of home and I felt really unmotivated, bad and a little sick. I was basically doing nothing for an hour and I decided to go for coffee. I sat at the corner of the shop. I started reading and drinking and my mood got great. There was a bunch of girls sitting a little farther and I decided that when I'm going out I will ask them for an opinion. In the meantime a group of girls sat next to me. Now for about an hour I was hesitating to start a conversation with them. I was in a great mood to run the opinion opener on them at first but then the more I waited the more nervous I got to the point I couldn't control shaking. And they finally left.
Just 2 girls were left and I just excused them to get pass. Then I cruised around a bit to warm-up. I did ask for the time a couple of times. I realized I cannot run the opinion opener. I said to myself FUCK THIS! I won't go home unless I do it. And I felt at that moment that this is the mindset that is gonna do it. Now for about 4 hours I was walking around the city trying to open with my opinion opener. I was in a really friendly mood with a perma-smile and 2 girls opened me up, but I didn't think of doing anything more (they asked for directions). I tried every single mindset and trick there is. Nothing. I finally decided to cut back a little and just ask "Who lies more" instead of running the whole routine (try something different rule). This felt a little easier but still I got tired and where feeling worse and worse. Finally after cruising the same spot for about the 5th time I spotted behind the bushes 2 girls talking. They were under 30, not my type. I realized that only after approaching them. I didn't even see them well when I decided to approach. The decision is really powerful. I approached them and spotted that they were in deep conversation but that did nothing and I opened them. I blew 500 sets before because they were talking and here I gave a shit about it. Basically my problem is not doing what I WANT. If I give a crap about what other people think or are doing at the moment I will do it constantly. I need to prioritize ME and my NEEDS. The actual experience was really... nothing. I felt good after it but it was no big deal. It felt very unnatural when I was spitting the words out, but hey this was the first time I ever did something like this in my life. This is my new path.
Friday, June 30, 2006
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Frame game
Manly activities:
- listening to metal
- playing metal on guitar
- reading Maddog and A. Hall stuff
- watching George Carlin, Southpark
- push-ups
- watching 80's movies and action games
-----------
I went out today with the intention of getting to the social state. It was harder this time. About 3-4 hours it took me until I could walk up to girls and ask for the time. But it worked and I broke some comfort zones. I couldn't get horny today. I will use Stalin's method for tomorrow.
I met a friend and a an old attractive female friend today. I was amazed by my maintenance of frame. It was after geting into the state. I was really laid back and spoke only what I wanted to. Maybe maintaining a frame can be done by intention also?
I'm doing the 7x70 affirmation technique for the second day now.
Note about frames: the whole purpose of the game is holding people in your own mind frame.
Successful frame = strong beliefs + rehearsed context
YOu must FEEL superior to the person. It comes easy with low value people. It spoils automaticly with high value. But it is all in the brain. Change frame, put yourself on th highest position, build strong beliefs and you will never fall from that place.
- listening to metal
- playing metal on guitar
- reading Maddog and A. Hall stuff
- watching George Carlin, Southpark
- push-ups
- watching 80's movies and action games
-----------
I went out today with the intention of getting to the social state. It was harder this time. About 3-4 hours it took me until I could walk up to girls and ask for the time. But it worked and I broke some comfort zones. I couldn't get horny today. I will use Stalin's method for tomorrow.
I met a friend and a an old attractive female friend today. I was amazed by my maintenance of frame. It was after geting into the state. I was really laid back and spoke only what I wanted to. Maybe maintaining a frame can be done by intention also?
I'm doing the 7x70 affirmation technique for the second day now.
Note about frames: the whole purpose of the game is holding people in your own mind frame.
Successful frame = strong beliefs + rehearsed context
YOu must FEEL superior to the person. It comes easy with low value people. It spoils automaticly with high value. But it is all in the brain. Change frame, put yourself on th highest position, build strong beliefs and you will never fall from that place.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Manliness
I was testing state change today. My goal is to go out and get in a state where I can approach people without effort. I did it today in 2 hours! I drank a coffee also, maybe that has a part in it. Who knows. I'll see what happens tomorrow. I also wanted to try Gunwitch, atleast at eye contact level but I wasn't horny because of masturbation the other day. I must surround myself with masculinity archetypes. Just by reading about manly men I feel testosterone pumping in my vains. I wanna be like Arnold, I am a pirate! ARG!!!
I realized today that a couple years ago I was gaming a girl using Ali G lines. I think this might be a good frame. Also it is manly.
---------------------------------------
"Hey, real quick! What is a good place to eat around here?"
"Blah blah "
"Nice, you are my new tour guide" (knuckle to knuckle hit)
This is my new technique I will use:
http://bigsend.blogspot.com/2006_01_15_bigsend_archive.html
FRAME CONTROL
maaseiah: "Work on your imagination. When you imagine anything, always imagine it working out in the best possible way for everyone involved. (this will also eliminate stress)Do this vigilantly. Do it all the time (even when you masturbate, imagine it is sex with your ideal partner and you both are enjoying yourselves beyond words. Make sure you imagine every detail as though it were happening. Make sure that you are masturbating within the experience rather than at the picture). Work on maintaining your frame all the time. BELIEVE IT! Get better at maintaining your frame while talking to people. Get better at holding your frame while picking up girls. When you do this enough that your experience backs it up, you will not
have to think about it as much. Write down your frame. Do it from a place of appreciation for having what you want. (Ie: I am really enjoying having every woman I meet want me, It feels great to be the guy who gets all the girls, etc.) Create your frame exactly the way you want as though you already have it. Vividly picture each experience as you write it down. Do this every day. (this is not about making up stories, it is about making base beliefs. Make them basic)"
I realized today that a couple years ago I was gaming a girl using Ali G lines. I think this might be a good frame. Also it is manly.
---------------------------------------
"Hey, real quick! What is a good place to eat around here?"
"Blah blah "
"Nice, you are my new tour guide" (knuckle to knuckle hit)
This is my new technique I will use:
http://bigsend.blogspot.com/2006_01_15_bigsend_archive.html
FRAME CONTROL
maaseiah: "Work on your imagination. When you imagine anything, always imagine it working out in the best possible way for everyone involved. (this will also eliminate stress)Do this vigilantly. Do it all the time (even when you masturbate, imagine it is sex with your ideal partner and you both are enjoying yourselves beyond words. Make sure you imagine every detail as though it were happening. Make sure that you are masturbating within the experience rather than at the picture). Work on maintaining your frame all the time. BELIEVE IT! Get better at maintaining your frame while talking to people. Get better at holding your frame while picking up girls. When you do this enough that your experience backs it up, you will not
have to think about it as much. Write down your frame. Do it from a place of appreciation for having what you want. (Ie: I am really enjoying having every woman I meet want me, It feels great to be the guy who gets all the girls, etc.) Create your frame exactly the way you want as though you already have it. Vividly picture each experience as you write it down. Do this every day. (this is not about making up stories, it is about making base beliefs. Make them basic)"
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
jodelilol
I've been doing a lot of voice excercises lately. At last I am seeing the effects of this. Now I see that voice is state + training. Your body must learn how to talk and then you enter that state.
Good mini-state to be in. Remember how you think, act when you got a good line to say. Always act like that.
How a salesman cured himself of self-consiousness:
"by remembering how he FELT, and how he ACTED when he "was going to the kitchen eat with Ma and Pa".
He would imagine or pretend.
I want to imagine my great social interaction before new ones.
Remember how you feel at home in bed.
My comment on GUNWITCH METHOD:
If there was a little bunny running around near you, would you kill it? Of course not it's a cute little bunny rabbit, let's play with it! Now suppose you are in the wilderness and you haven't ate for 10 days. Would you still play with the rabbit or would you smack his fucken head with a rock and eat the mother fucker?!?!
The same is with girls. Social conditioning makes us stop the sexual urge. We think it is wrong so we don't let our testosterone drive us. No wonder we don't fuck girls if we aren't in the state to do it. Getting horny without fear or embarassment is a big part of a DJ.
"First eye contact between you and another male should ALWAYS be broken by
him first in a social situation to indicate dominance at a primal level and keep the
guy from doing the above jokes at your expense behaviors. This also makes you
feel less like giggling at his jokes, as you feel more dominant than him."
Instead of thinking about not laughing or giggling at someones insults or stupid jokes, think about the first encounter and establish a dominant position. The frame will work for you.
Do not make jokes to people that don't know you until you gain respect. <- this is the missing link, when I was thinking about is it good to send jokes all the time at a party. Respect produces laughter.
"The hover is simply that, you hover near the person until you catch them out the
corner of your eye looking at you, THEN you reciprocate eye contact and say
hello, this much in the same way you assume a rapport or assume a sexual state
FEELS to them as if they have given YOU the vibe first.
"
I wanna train hover behaviour tommorrow.
Good mini-state to be in. Remember how you think, act when you got a good line to say. Always act like that.
How a salesman cured himself of self-consiousness:
"by remembering how he FELT, and how he ACTED when he "was going to the kitchen eat with Ma and Pa".
He would imagine or pretend.
I want to imagine my great social interaction before new ones.
Remember how you feel at home in bed.
My comment on GUNWITCH METHOD:
If there was a little bunny running around near you, would you kill it? Of course not it's a cute little bunny rabbit, let's play with it! Now suppose you are in the wilderness and you haven't ate for 10 days. Would you still play with the rabbit or would you smack his fucken head with a rock and eat the mother fucker?!?!
The same is with girls. Social conditioning makes us stop the sexual urge. We think it is wrong so we don't let our testosterone drive us. No wonder we don't fuck girls if we aren't in the state to do it. Getting horny without fear or embarassment is a big part of a DJ.
"First eye contact between you and another male should ALWAYS be broken by
him first in a social situation to indicate dominance at a primal level and keep the
guy from doing the above jokes at your expense behaviors. This also makes you
feel less like giggling at his jokes, as you feel more dominant than him."
Instead of thinking about not laughing or giggling at someones insults or stupid jokes, think about the first encounter and establish a dominant position. The frame will work for you.
Do not make jokes to people that don't know you until you gain respect. <- this is the missing link, when I was thinking about is it good to send jokes all the time at a party. Respect produces laughter.
"The hover is simply that, you hover near the person until you catch them out the
corner of your eye looking at you, THEN you reciprocate eye contact and say
hello, this much in the same way you assume a rapport or assume a sexual state
FEELS to them as if they have given YOU the vibe first.
"
I wanna train hover behaviour tommorrow.
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Be your best self
"When you think you lack words, what you really lack are ideas. Ideas come in the form of frames. When the frames are there, the words come readily."
-- George Lankoff [p23, Don't Think of An Elephant]
Stay in the set until they reject you.
Do not hold your tongue to be “polite” do not try to avoid “dominating the conversation”. Some call this loosening up, others call it “the gift of gab”.
Whatever you call it, LET WHAT IS INSIDE YOU COME OUT.
The greatest power as an influencer is to represent such an authority of speech and powerful model of how things work that it draws in the listener to your model of how things work or should work.
GUNWITCH:
"Unless she is very unaware of
the way the world works, she realizes you are making the first move because you
are the man she is the woman, this is the way shit works.
Around 5 of 10 women you approach are going to be receptive to it, no shit,
about 5 of 10. You fuck things up and you might bore them, turn them off, repulse
them, not attract them to you, not excite them etc, but that’s what the rest of this
course is for. It’s going to be maybe 1 in 10 that’s going to have some strange
reaction. Maybe the other 4 will be a bit standoffish because they aren’t attracted
much."
"Trick three: Do not masturbate at all until you have approached 25 women in all.
Another words you get NO sexual release from any outlet aside from a woman
until you have approached 25 women. If you have fear of approaching women
when you are not drunk or in a social setting you may need to do this last one
also for approaching women while sober and in non bar and club environments.
Even better once you have gotten used to not masturbating regular you can
stimulate yourself but not release first thing in the morning or at night before bed
also. This is called the “Stalin’s” trick and it works great,"
"Women who you are most attracted to are usually most attracted to you as well."
"Women who you are most attracted to are usually most attracted to you as well.
This may seem counter intuitive and I won’t get in to evolutionary psychology
here, but really the women you find absolutely “MUST HAVE” tend to wind up
seeing you as more attractive than other women also."
RELAXATION 1.
R “relaxation of mind pace and body through
familiarity with female interactions and realizing others care more what I think of
them than they even think of me”
"THE thing you must realize to overcome this in the beginning of your meeting
new women is that no one is thinking about you. Yep, they are not thinking about
you, not at all."
"Actually thinking that you need to relax your mind and body can actually cause
the opposite reaction inside your mind, so field work/ effort/ interactions are a
major key in this are to get you past this. After a bit of meeting, talking to and
especially after having gotten results with women this will be easy to do if you
simply pay attention to it and realize the above statement that others always are
trying to impress you/ “others care more what I think of them than they even think
of me”."
This is turning the world inside out. Might be good cause it uses the same neural networks but backwards.
"YOUR MISSION: Approach 25 more women while the entire time hardly thinking
anything but “all she is thinking about is what I think of her” anytime your internal
monologue turns on."
-------------------
ALL SOCIAL PROBLEMS COME FROM TRYING TO BE LIKE SOMEBODY ELSE INSTEAD OF EXPRESSING WHAT YOU ARE.
-------------------
Go to a mall, and basically ask every hot girl you see for the time..
Here's the kicker, after about an hour of this we wanted to take it to the next level..sooooo we put our watches on and continued... some girls didn't even noticed, but for the one's who did, we fed them a few rehearsed DHV stories behind the watch..
"it doesn't work but it holds sentimental value because:" examples included everything from "a gift from my ninety year old neighbor who is now passed, for always taking care of her puppy" to "received it as a reward for pulling 2 kids and a chiwawa out of a burning building a few years back" regardless, they were all bull shit stories.. but 9 times out of 10 the girl was so amazed that u could see the awestruck look on her face... most of the time we just left it at that and walked on (because we were on assignment) but twice my buddy managed to keep a conversation going and got a number (im still trying :)
-- George Lankoff [p23, Don't Think of An Elephant]
Stay in the set until they reject you.
Do not hold your tongue to be “polite” do not try to avoid “dominating the conversation”. Some call this loosening up, others call it “the gift of gab”.
Whatever you call it, LET WHAT IS INSIDE YOU COME OUT.
The greatest power as an influencer is to represent such an authority of speech and powerful model of how things work that it draws in the listener to your model of how things work or should work.
GUNWITCH:
"Unless she is very unaware of
the way the world works, she realizes you are making the first move because you
are the man she is the woman, this is the way shit works.
Around 5 of 10 women you approach are going to be receptive to it, no shit,
about 5 of 10. You fuck things up and you might bore them, turn them off, repulse
them, not attract them to you, not excite them etc, but that’s what the rest of this
course is for. It’s going to be maybe 1 in 10 that’s going to have some strange
reaction. Maybe the other 4 will be a bit standoffish because they aren’t attracted
much."
"Trick three: Do not masturbate at all until you have approached 25 women in all.
Another words you get NO sexual release from any outlet aside from a woman
until you have approached 25 women. If you have fear of approaching women
when you are not drunk or in a social setting you may need to do this last one
also for approaching women while sober and in non bar and club environments.
Even better once you have gotten used to not masturbating regular you can
stimulate yourself but not release first thing in the morning or at night before bed
also. This is called the “Stalin’s” trick and it works great,"
"Women who you are most attracted to are usually most attracted to you as well."
"Women who you are most attracted to are usually most attracted to you as well.
This may seem counter intuitive and I won’t get in to evolutionary psychology
here, but really the women you find absolutely “MUST HAVE” tend to wind up
seeing you as more attractive than other women also."
RELAXATION 1.
R “relaxation of mind pace and body through
familiarity with female interactions and realizing others care more what I think of
them than they even think of me”
"THE thing you must realize to overcome this in the beginning of your meeting
new women is that no one is thinking about you. Yep, they are not thinking about
you, not at all."
"Actually thinking that you need to relax your mind and body can actually cause
the opposite reaction inside your mind, so field work/ effort/ interactions are a
major key in this are to get you past this. After a bit of meeting, talking to and
especially after having gotten results with women this will be easy to do if you
simply pay attention to it and realize the above statement that others always are
trying to impress you/ “others care more what I think of them than they even think
of me”."
This is turning the world inside out. Might be good cause it uses the same neural networks but backwards.
"YOUR MISSION: Approach 25 more women while the entire time hardly thinking
anything but “all she is thinking about is what I think of her” anytime your internal
monologue turns on."
-------------------
ALL SOCIAL PROBLEMS COME FROM TRYING TO BE LIKE SOMEBODY ELSE INSTEAD OF EXPRESSING WHAT YOU ARE.
-------------------
Go to a mall, and basically ask every hot girl you see for the time..
Here's the kicker, after about an hour of this we wanted to take it to the next level..sooooo we put our watches on and continued... some girls didn't even noticed, but for the one's who did, we fed them a few rehearsed DHV stories behind the watch..
"it doesn't work but it holds sentimental value because:" examples included everything from "a gift from my ninety year old neighbor who is now passed, for always taking care of her puppy" to "received it as a reward for pulling 2 kids and a chiwawa out of a burning building a few years back" regardless, they were all bull shit stories.. but 9 times out of 10 the girl was so amazed that u could see the awestruck look on her face... most of the time we just left it at that and walked on (because we were on assignment) but twice my buddy managed to keep a conversation going and got a number (im still trying :)
Friday, June 23, 2006
Life is feeling
" Everything we do, we do with agreement from the subconscious mind. To suggest that we will consciously override the subconscious is ridiculous. The subconscious mind is far and away the dominant force and must be reckoned with for any achievement to occur. Conversely, without subconscious concurrence, you will not be able to do it. Not for very long, anyway."
PJE:
"Self is feeling. Effort is illusion,"
"
Effort is an illusion created by the feelings that regulate your behavior. When you feel fear, for example, you are being reminded of what you don't normally do or what you believe is not safe for you. When you feel sadness, you are being reminded of what you value, but do not yet have or are losing. Acting against these (or any other) feelings creates a feeling of "effort".
And effort is like a limiting device that allows you to temporarily go outside your normal bounds. It's sort of like if the accelerator pedal in your car was designed to require you to push harder whenever you were exceeding the speed limit, so that you won't exceed it for long. It's just too much work."
----
Forget to update this journal 2 days ago.
In summary:
My goal was to get into 'a state' good for PU. I had difficulties and the results of my previous breakthrough were nowhere near. After some hours I managed to get into a semi-state and ask some girls the time.
One thing which is the greatest knowledge of all time:
LIFE = FEEL
PJE:
"Self is feeling. Effort is illusion,"
"
Effort is an illusion created by the feelings that regulate your behavior. When you feel fear, for example, you are being reminded of what you don't normally do or what you believe is not safe for you. When you feel sadness, you are being reminded of what you value, but do not yet have or are losing. Acting against these (or any other) feelings creates a feeling of "effort".
And effort is like a limiting device that allows you to temporarily go outside your normal bounds. It's sort of like if the accelerator pedal in your car was designed to require you to push harder whenever you were exceeding the speed limit, so that you won't exceed it for long. It's just too much work."
----
Forget to update this journal 2 days ago.
In summary:
My goal was to get into 'a state' good for PU. I had difficulties and the results of my previous breakthrough were nowhere near. After some hours I managed to get into a semi-state and ask some girls the time.
One thing which is the greatest knowledge of all time:
LIFE = FEEL
Sunday, June 18, 2006
The myth of willpower
I proved today that what you have to do to do something is get to a state were doing it is easy. I have to note what I did before going out today because I had a break-through I would say:
My intention for today was to go out and ask a lot of strangers for time or for directions and then use my routine. I felt no resistance before going out today and I was in a dissasociated state all day. I was really a rider on my horse. The night before was important. I listened to Voices by Vangelis and did a refactoring session. It was the most powerful one I ever did. I went back to a time in my life when I was 3 years old alone in the kindergarten. I literally connected to that me and started crying. Tears didn't show up but I could "observe" my face crying and I felt I was really lonely and lost. This is what I fear most. This is the basis of my insecurities. I have a terrible fear of losing people. I connected to that child yesterday and showed that there are different choices I could make. Instead of crying I realized my mom would eventually show up and that I could just go and have fun with other people. My thinking was wrong at that time. I then had a smile on my face for the rest of the CD playing. This is a way for dealing with my old insecurities, they served me well then but it is time for them to go.
Today I easily stopped beatiful classy women to ask for something and it is just fantastic how well they respond also I stopped groups of girls, approached women talking in a cafe, couples. Here are my notes from today:
- People "don't hear" you when you say Hey. Maintain neutral body language and follow up immediately to the question.
YOU don't do anything.
YOURSELF does it.
Let it do it's work and respect it's fears.
When you know what to say "yourself" does the talking and in the meantime you are thinking about other stuff.
My intention for today was to go out and ask a lot of strangers for time or for directions and then use my routine. I felt no resistance before going out today and I was in a dissasociated state all day. I was really a rider on my horse. The night before was important. I listened to Voices by Vangelis and did a refactoring session. It was the most powerful one I ever did. I went back to a time in my life when I was 3 years old alone in the kindergarten. I literally connected to that me and started crying. Tears didn't show up but I could "observe" my face crying and I felt I was really lonely and lost. This is what I fear most. This is the basis of my insecurities. I have a terrible fear of losing people. I connected to that child yesterday and showed that there are different choices I could make. Instead of crying I realized my mom would eventually show up and that I could just go and have fun with other people. My thinking was wrong at that time. I then had a smile on my face for the rest of the CD playing. This is a way for dealing with my old insecurities, they served me well then but it is time for them to go.
Today I easily stopped beatiful classy women to ask for something and it is just fantastic how well they respond also I stopped groups of girls, approached women talking in a cafe, couples. Here are my notes from today:
- People "don't hear" you when you say Hey. Maintain neutral body language and follow up immediately to the question.
YOU don't do anything.
YOURSELF does it.
Let it do it's work and respect it's fears.
When you know what to say "yourself" does the talking and in the meantime you are thinking about other stuff.
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Start
I have a new memorized routine. I trained it a lot. I watched a lot of videos by Darren/Future. I went out today and couldn't really do anything. If you are the same as you were you will do the same as you always do. Memorizing the routine doesn't make you do it. But I have good feelings about this. I have to start slowly. I will break it down tomorrow. Here is a list of stuff that was right today:
- doing little courages from the beginning (like walking past HB's)
- "feeling" the crowd, vibing, seeing friendliness and likeness in people
- if stuck try something, anything different
- read the notebook.
- doing little courages from the beginning (like walking past HB's)
- "feeling" the crowd, vibing, seeing friendliness and likeness in people
- if stuck try something, anything different
- read the notebook.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Parabola
I slept like 1 hour today. I went out to read. First I read some Ericksonian parabolas and then a book about discovering your voice. I had a minisatori. I finally understood my underlying problems. I felt shaken, physically after that. Then I had an emotional low. These are all signs of nonconcious changes. Now I need to relax...
Monday, June 12, 2006
Plan
So my plan for the nearest days. This idea from the PUA videos really got into my head. I'm gonna start with stuff that I did already before. Intentionally stop people on the street and ask for directions etc. Stack these things to create a semi-convo and then in the next days I will proceed to opening up with a routine.
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Blast!
I went to a club last night and I had a blast. My blood pressure was high all day. Before going I had a coffee, did 3 warm-ups by asking girls at us stops questions. Then we had drinks. I didn't analyze much because I was a bit drunk so I'll just mention the differences between this clubbing and the one I had a couple months ago. I went in a talkative mood and I was cocky with girls that wanted something from me. Then it occured that I should push and then pull. Stuff they did is:
- ask for cigarrette
- selling some kind of promotion
- asking if she can smoke here
I didn't do a single approach I was too afraid to use any opener. I need to train an opener during the day then I will use it, because on top of that fear is the fear of being not heard. Which is bullshit because you can talk in a club.
I didn't have any fear of walking and observing people. From one occasion a group of girls sitting at a table saw me. One of them was getting married and they wanted me to dance with her. In 10 seconds I was dancing with 20 girls around me. Wow and I didn't really feel anything. My mind was clear and I had no fear of anything. I could do with all the girls everything. But that's it I had no confidence to do anything else that night so I just had fun dancing. I can do it in front of girls without any fear and taking an active part. Big progress!
I've been watching today PUA videos. I really feel I can do this stuff when I watch these guys. I will make a habit of watching these videos everyday so it gets into my subconsiouss.
----------------
Tyler D on habit:
A big part of this is that I have NO OUTCOME for a very long time. My only outcome is to get my ass out of the house and to wherever I'm supposed to be. My criteria for success isn't how well I did. It's IF I SHOWED UP and did what I was supposed to do. My expectations of myself are very low.
- ask for cigarrette
- selling some kind of promotion
- asking if she can smoke here
I didn't do a single approach I was too afraid to use any opener. I need to train an opener during the day then I will use it, because on top of that fear is the fear of being not heard. Which is bullshit because you can talk in a club.
I didn't have any fear of walking and observing people. From one occasion a group of girls sitting at a table saw me. One of them was getting married and they wanted me to dance with her. In 10 seconds I was dancing with 20 girls around me. Wow and I didn't really feel anything. My mind was clear and I had no fear of anything. I could do with all the girls everything. But that's it I had no confidence to do anything else that night so I just had fun dancing. I can do it in front of girls without any fear and taking an active part. Big progress!
I've been watching today PUA videos. I really feel I can do this stuff when I watch these guys. I will make a habit of watching these videos everyday so it gets into my subconsiouss.
----------------
Tyler D on habit:
A big part of this is that I have NO OUTCOME for a very long time. My only outcome is to get my ass out of the house and to wherever I'm supposed to be. My criteria for success isn't how well I did. It's IF I SHOWED UP and did what I was supposed to do. My expectations of myself are very low.
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Do
---------
On being talkative:
1. Think back on your life to a good experience you had, like a holiday or a great night out or anything.
2. Write it down and look at how great it is.
3. In your next 5 conversations tell people that story.
When that goes well, repeat it again. Don't worry about trying to fit it in anywhere. Just start telling it. You can start with "Oh man, I was looking at some holiday pictures today and..."
Just push through those uncomfortable parts. Just say anything.
DON'T THINK ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOU CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING TO SAY.
it doesn't matter WHAT you say
Don't let people interrupt you!!!! This was a big mistake of mine in the past. If someone said something loud enough while I was talking I stopped. Now I keep talking and they always listen to what I say!!!! ;-) Try this. It really helped me!!!
If someone interupted me I would let them speak for a moment and then be like 'Anyway...' (in a louder voice) and continue with what I was saying.
Talk about stuff that is interesting to you if there isn't anything to talk about!
I find that asking totally random questions works well, something like 'So whats your craziest dream?'
--------------
I'm also in your situation. Here are my tips from the top of my head:
1. Relax.
Studies have shown that the part of your brain that generates speech gets blocked when you are in a stressful situation. This has evolutionary advantages so you don't start talking when you're hiding and a giant puma is walking nearby. So relax by focusing on losing tension in your muscles.
2. Focus on destination.
You must know the destination of your conversation. Your brain is a powerful tool but it must know it's goal. So if you don't have nothing to say you probably haven't set any goals for the conversation. It can be anything, like making the person laugh or making him/her comfortable...
3. Comfort.
If you are comfortable you can do anything. If you are comfortable you can say anything. Think about this for a moment.
IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO SAY SOMETHING AND COMMIT TO IT 100% DON'T SAY IT ALL.
--------------
I think I found out today how to DO things. Basically the problem is language. The part of you that does stuff is like a child and it doesn't like when you give orders. Another thing is that by language and by defining "yourself" you attach wrong meanings. For examples you don't do something because you think "I don't do stuff like that" or "I'm too afraid to do it". Those are just words and they don't express what you REALLY feel about doing the thing right NOW. So the thing is, you should get in rapport with your brain, connect the left and right brain or whatever it is. And now when you want to do something simply ask: "How can I do this?" and act upon what you feel or visualize you should do. Ignore completely language. Act upon your emotions and imagination. I tested this today twice and I find myself doing something completely different than usual.
A part of making this blog was to remember new definitions of myself. But I think it requires too much memory, it doesn't help that much, I still think of myself from the past not from the successes from the time of this blog.
On being talkative:
1. Think back on your life to a good experience you had, like a holiday or a great night out or anything.
2. Write it down and look at how great it is.
3. In your next 5 conversations tell people that story.
When that goes well, repeat it again. Don't worry about trying to fit it in anywhere. Just start telling it. You can start with "Oh man, I was looking at some holiday pictures today and..."
Just push through those uncomfortable parts. Just say anything.
DON'T THINK ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOU CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING TO SAY.
it doesn't matter WHAT you say
Don't let people interrupt you!!!! This was a big mistake of mine in the past. If someone said something loud enough while I was talking I stopped. Now I keep talking and they always listen to what I say!!!! ;-) Try this. It really helped me!!!
If someone interupted me I would let them speak for a moment and then be like 'Anyway...' (in a louder voice) and continue with what I was saying.
Talk about stuff that is interesting to you if there isn't anything to talk about!
I find that asking totally random questions works well, something like 'So whats your craziest dream?'
--------------
I'm also in your situation. Here are my tips from the top of my head:
1. Relax.
Studies have shown that the part of your brain that generates speech gets blocked when you are in a stressful situation. This has evolutionary advantages so you don't start talking when you're hiding and a giant puma is walking nearby. So relax by focusing on losing tension in your muscles.
2. Focus on destination.
You must know the destination of your conversation. Your brain is a powerful tool but it must know it's goal. So if you don't have nothing to say you probably haven't set any goals for the conversation. It can be anything, like making the person laugh or making him/her comfortable...
3. Comfort.
If you are comfortable you can do anything. If you are comfortable you can say anything. Think about this for a moment.
IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO SAY SOMETHING AND COMMIT TO IT 100% DON'T SAY IT ALL.
--------------
I think I found out today how to DO things. Basically the problem is language. The part of you that does stuff is like a child and it doesn't like when you give orders. Another thing is that by language and by defining "yourself" you attach wrong meanings. For examples you don't do something because you think "I don't do stuff like that" or "I'm too afraid to do it". Those are just words and they don't express what you REALLY feel about doing the thing right NOW. So the thing is, you should get in rapport with your brain, connect the left and right brain or whatever it is. And now when you want to do something simply ask: "How can I do this?" and act upon what you feel or visualize you should do. Ignore completely language. Act upon your emotions and imagination. I tested this today twice and I find myself doing something completely different than usual.
A part of making this blog was to remember new definitions of myself. But I think it requires too much memory, it doesn't help that much, I still think of myself from the past not from the successes from the time of this blog.
Thursday, June 08, 2006
I am not I will
In the morning I talked briefly with this social dude from my class. I got affected by what is described in "Bypassing the will". I just observe myself acting totally different with people. My attitude changes. Today I intentionally stopped to talk to 3 people from my class just because. I had a great time and I see now that no conversation is meaningless, you must give everybody a chance to display themselves.
Later on I wanted to get in a coffe shop. I saw attractive girls in them and I freaked out. I was feeling really down. I realized why this is. I have an old neural net that is trying to please everybody. When I see an attractive girl I know she will find me attractive and also I know that I can't give her what she wants. So I runaway from the situation because I don't want to give her bad impressions because of me. I eventually got in a coffee shop and what I did was ACCEPTANCE. I used also some emotion releasing but I think the thing that worked was accepting how I interact with people. When I realize how I interact with people and I'm OK with that I'll do whatever I want to and I won't try to please everybody. So now I have a goal of meeting people in coffee shops, because I see there are a lot of attractive girls there. I will make baby steps in there but it will be worth it. Also it will cost me some money which isn't that good but the hell with it, let's do it!
Later on I wanted to get in a coffe shop. I saw attractive girls in them and I freaked out. I was feeling really down. I realized why this is. I have an old neural net that is trying to please everybody. When I see an attractive girl I know she will find me attractive and also I know that I can't give her what she wants. So I runaway from the situation because I don't want to give her bad impressions because of me. I eventually got in a coffee shop and what I did was ACCEPTANCE. I used also some emotion releasing but I think the thing that worked was accepting how I interact with people. When I realize how I interact with people and I'm OK with that I'll do whatever I want to and I won't try to please everybody. So now I have a goal of meeting people in coffee shops, because I see there are a lot of attractive girls there. I will make baby steps in there but it will be worth it. Also it will cost me some money which isn't that good but the hell with it, let's do it!
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Success mind-set
If you don't know what to say, think about changing your frame.
- Clinton: the charming auto-ironic knight
- Teddy: the ironic dope
- Migel: the seducer
Pretend you want to talk to the person and they will start first or somebody else will sense your vibe.
Failing mind-set:
I will go there and they will look like this and then I will say this like this and they will react like this.
Result: Fear and not doing it.
Success mind-set:
I can do this right now let's see who's with me?
Result: Things happen.
---------
Yesterday I did a major session of refactoring. I refactor the neural net and then imagine as real as possible a potential new experience with the new me. This is something that should pay off in the long run. I'm already noticing changes. I'm more assertive without even noticing it. I always had to take consciouss control of my behaviour change but this is happening automatic.
I realized I'm laughing a lot much more with people. I hope I really have a good time and I'm not crazy ;).
- Clinton: the charming auto-ironic knight
- Teddy: the ironic dope
- Migel: the seducer
Pretend you want to talk to the person and they will start first or somebody else will sense your vibe.
Failing mind-set:
I will go there and they will look like this and then I will say this like this and they will react like this.
Result: Fear and not doing it.
Success mind-set:
I can do this right now let's see who's with me?
Result: Things happen.
---------
Yesterday I did a major session of refactoring. I refactor the neural net and then imagine as real as possible a potential new experience with the new me. This is something that should pay off in the long run. I'm already noticing changes. I'm more assertive without even noticing it. I always had to take consciouss control of my behaviour change but this is happening automatic.
I realized I'm laughing a lot much more with people. I hope I really have a good time and I'm not crazy ;).
Monday, June 05, 2006
Battlefield
Your conscious mind as a battlefield were different subnets of your brain compete to win.
The winning subnet gets to control your action. It is not you that controls the action, the subnets do.
So what can you do? You can set the prize (goal) and rules (values) of the battle.
These are the only things you can do in this war. You set a goal for yourself and no matter who wins the goal will be accomplished.
You set rules so that you control how the goal will be achieved.
Example:
You have a goal of being lively at parties. Now in the battlefield two subnets fight for domination.
In the red corner - the subnet of having something interesting or funny to say.
In the blue corner - the subnet of escaping from embarassment and humiliation.
Now you must know what the real goal is. The real goal is not to be lively. The real goal is
to maintain or raise your social value. This is an external goal. And there is an internal goal of feeling joy about participating actively in a social activity.
Now that we know the real goal we see how the subnets work. Subnet 1 wants to get to the goal as fast as possible in the most reasonable way.
Subnet 2 doesn't want you to become a failure. If you say something innapropriate you might make a fool of yourself which will lower your social value.
That's why these two subnets compete because they have different means of accomplishing the goal.
But after living life like this for some time you come to realize that you know longer value the subnet of not making a fool of yourself.
An external knowledge comes, called experience and you see that this subnet is not going to get you to the goal. It worked pretty well, but now it has served its purpose
and you want to try different things. For example give the subnet 1 a chance and sing and tell jokes instead of sitting quietly.
So how do you change this? Of course consciously deciding about changing the outcome of a battle each time won't work. Every single time a battle arises (and that's probably a 1000
times during a party) you would have to be the judge, the Geneva convention of this war and determine its outcome. It is a pain and doesn't work.
So how do you let the other subnet dominate now? Remember what you can do in your battlefield? Change the rules.
You must change the rules so that you no longer value what the most dominating subnet gave you up to this point. If you dwell on the reasons why that subnet dominated you will see how you can change the rules.
The reason why you are keeping things cool and trying not to make a fool of yourself is because you are concerned about what other people think and what their reactions will be. The rules of
your battlefield are that: you value what other people think. And now when you stop that and change the rules so that you don't value what other people think and what their reactions will be
the outcome of the battle will be different. If you place the value on yourself, on being content with the fact that you were lively, that you told jokes and not that the jokes made people laugh the whole thing is flipped over.
Now not making a fool of yourself doesn't have good rules to dominate and is weakend. Thus you give the other subnet a chance to win because you value more your own well-being instead of imaginary well-being of other people.
-----
Today I have gotten proof that my new strategy is working. I basically allow myself to do stuff and don't worry about what happens or what I do. Zen detachment. Assessing thoughts. Also 3 people started to talk to me first today! Talk about power of intention.
The winning subnet gets to control your action. It is not you that controls the action, the subnets do.
So what can you do? You can set the prize (goal) and rules (values) of the battle.
These are the only things you can do in this war. You set a goal for yourself and no matter who wins the goal will be accomplished.
You set rules so that you control how the goal will be achieved.
Example:
You have a goal of being lively at parties. Now in the battlefield two subnets fight for domination.
In the red corner - the subnet of having something interesting or funny to say.
In the blue corner - the subnet of escaping from embarassment and humiliation.
Now you must know what the real goal is. The real goal is not to be lively. The real goal is
to maintain or raise your social value. This is an external goal. And there is an internal goal of feeling joy about participating actively in a social activity.
Now that we know the real goal we see how the subnets work. Subnet 1 wants to get to the goal as fast as possible in the most reasonable way.
Subnet 2 doesn't want you to become a failure. If you say something innapropriate you might make a fool of yourself which will lower your social value.
That's why these two subnets compete because they have different means of accomplishing the goal.
But after living life like this for some time you come to realize that you know longer value the subnet of not making a fool of yourself.
An external knowledge comes, called experience and you see that this subnet is not going to get you to the goal. It worked pretty well, but now it has served its purpose
and you want to try different things. For example give the subnet 1 a chance and sing and tell jokes instead of sitting quietly.
So how do you change this? Of course consciously deciding about changing the outcome of a battle each time won't work. Every single time a battle arises (and that's probably a 1000
times during a party) you would have to be the judge, the Geneva convention of this war and determine its outcome. It is a pain and doesn't work.
So how do you let the other subnet dominate now? Remember what you can do in your battlefield? Change the rules.
You must change the rules so that you no longer value what the most dominating subnet gave you up to this point. If you dwell on the reasons why that subnet dominated you will see how you can change the rules.
The reason why you are keeping things cool and trying not to make a fool of yourself is because you are concerned about what other people think and what their reactions will be. The rules of
your battlefield are that: you value what other people think. And now when you stop that and change the rules so that you don't value what other people think and what their reactions will be
the outcome of the battle will be different. If you place the value on yourself, on being content with the fact that you were lively, that you told jokes and not that the jokes made people laugh the whole thing is flipped over.
Now not making a fool of yourself doesn't have good rules to dominate and is weakend. Thus you give the other subnet a chance to win because you value more your own well-being instead of imaginary well-being of other people.
-----
Today I have gotten proof that my new strategy is working. I basically allow myself to do stuff and don't worry about what happens or what I do. Zen detachment. Assessing thoughts. Also 3 people started to talk to me first today! Talk about power of intention.
Friday, June 02, 2006
Superhuman
Yesterday I just watched a comedy at night and went to sleep. In the morning I listened to a Sedona tape about Success. Also I'm excercising pushups everyday.
Today I feel superhuman. In the morning I felt sort of OK. Then I missed a couple of occasions to approach girls and I felt a little down.
I went to read a book about neuroscience and used some techniques from sedona to feel good again. Everytime I read this book I have a breakthrough in thinking. Today was a tremendous breakthrough.
A load has been taken off of me. Finally I realized I have NO CONTROL.
All the self-help and all the stuff that I discovered on my own have one thing in common. They make a ground for the command mode to enter. I can't make myself do something. I have no will power. Will power does not control you. It is an illusion. You must convince yourself to do something, not drag yourself and do it.
And the thing I really realized today is once you have convinced yourself you aren't in control either, it just goes on and does and you have nothing to do with it from that point.
So all day I have been training my new behaviours. Just thinking about interacting with people, on my movements, on my expressions, on my frame of mind. And it works wonders. I don't even have to think now to follow a girls eyes. This is my path. This isn't a hack, this will take time, but this is how it works.
Now I feel in DEEP RAPPORT with my brain and whole body. It let's me do things 10 times better because I was really good for it all day.
2 important techniques that I think about during these days:
- I refactor myself and realize I don't care about what people think or will do
- I allow myself to do something and not expect a result, in opposite to forcing with will
Today I feel superhuman. In the morning I felt sort of OK. Then I missed a couple of occasions to approach girls and I felt a little down.
I went to read a book about neuroscience and used some techniques from sedona to feel good again. Everytime I read this book I have a breakthrough in thinking. Today was a tremendous breakthrough.
A load has been taken off of me. Finally I realized I have NO CONTROL.
All the self-help and all the stuff that I discovered on my own have one thing in common. They make a ground for the command mode to enter. I can't make myself do something. I have no will power. Will power does not control you. It is an illusion. You must convince yourself to do something, not drag yourself and do it.
And the thing I really realized today is once you have convinced yourself you aren't in control either, it just goes on and does and you have nothing to do with it from that point.
So all day I have been training my new behaviours. Just thinking about interacting with people, on my movements, on my expressions, on my frame of mind. And it works wonders. I don't even have to think now to follow a girls eyes. This is my path. This isn't a hack, this will take time, but this is how it works.
Now I feel in DEEP RAPPORT with my brain and whole body. It let's me do things 10 times better because I was really good for it all day.
2 important techniques that I think about during these days:
- I refactor myself and realize I don't care about what people think or will do
- I allow myself to do something and not expect a result, in opposite to forcing with will
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Ball shrinkage
This is something that applies to pick-ups and to this journal:
If you want something to be perfect you will never get it done.
Today I felt pretty much as well as yesterday. My mind was very clear today. I listened to Piccus and Hypnotycas tapes yesterday. I feel like I'm refactoring all day, especially in my sleep. I don't remember my dreams but I feel change.
Today I discovered a new self-improvement method. I will write more about it as I develop it in practice but the basic idea is: If you want to change the outcome change your behaviour. If you say "you are going" to do something you are lying, because if you are the same as you were in that future moment you are going to do the exact same thing. So I'm out right now not focusing on talking to people, although I would like to, but changing the behaviour I do when around people. I am training myself at approaching people, looking at them, smiling. Acting as if I were to talk to them.
I was standing on the bus stop today, doing the above when a girl walked by. I looked her straight in the eyes then I watched her shoes moving. I saw with the corner of the eye a smile. I KNEW it was on. She went by a little, I could see a faint smile from the back and side of her. After a while she returned just to pass next to me. She got the courage to look at me and I looked but I got nervous and didn't really sustain the eye contact much. I knew this is it (both-ways-attraction), I literally felt my balls shrinking. I think I felt this once or twice in my life. Well this was a pretty new experience so I didn't really do anything. I realized shortly after that I really need to chunk everything down. Right now I'm at the point of looking in the eyes and projecting that I am attracted. All my life I've been avoiding the feeling of being a stalker of showing my interest. This is such bullshit. I don't even know what will happen if I show interest because I have never done it before in my life, even if I had it was a long time ago and it has no relevance whatsoever to the present. The refactoring story continues...
If you want something to be perfect you will never get it done.
Today I felt pretty much as well as yesterday. My mind was very clear today. I listened to Piccus and Hypnotycas tapes yesterday. I feel like I'm refactoring all day, especially in my sleep. I don't remember my dreams but I feel change.
Today I discovered a new self-improvement method. I will write more about it as I develop it in practice but the basic idea is: If you want to change the outcome change your behaviour. If you say "you are going" to do something you are lying, because if you are the same as you were in that future moment you are going to do the exact same thing. So I'm out right now not focusing on talking to people, although I would like to, but changing the behaviour I do when around people. I am training myself at approaching people, looking at them, smiling. Acting as if I were to talk to them.
I was standing on the bus stop today, doing the above when a girl walked by. I looked her straight in the eyes then I watched her shoes moving. I saw with the corner of the eye a smile. I KNEW it was on. She went by a little, I could see a faint smile from the back and side of her. After a while she returned just to pass next to me. She got the courage to look at me and I looked but I got nervous and didn't really sustain the eye contact much. I knew this is it (both-ways-attraction), I literally felt my balls shrinking. I think I felt this once or twice in my life. Well this was a pretty new experience so I didn't really do anything. I realized shortly after that I really need to chunk everything down. Right now I'm at the point of looking in the eyes and projecting that I am attracted. All my life I've been avoiding the feeling of being a stalker of showing my interest. This is such bullshit. I don't even know what will happen if I show interest because I have never done it before in my life, even if I had it was a long time ago and it has no relevance whatsoever to the present. The refactoring story continues...
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