What do YOU want?

I really got pumped up last night and went out. I did more sessions of releasing the tension in my throat, I spent a lot of hours on it. Now when I got to the party I didn't feel it. There was no emotion I could locate. I realized I just wasn't horny for any girl. It was kind of funny because some girls were really attractive and I wasn't the slightest bit afraid to look at them. I just didn't feel it in my gonads. Now we switched venues and I got in a good mood. I let go of all
expectations. Now I started feeling good about some girls and it let me do
stuff. I can't do anything if I don't feel anything! If I feel horny for a girl it just starts to do things. Now I still have fears. This is where they come in. I used with success Ranko's fear destroyer. I actually stepped out and took time to think about what I could lose and how many times I failed because I didn't do anything. I lost that night one girl I was attracted to. I wasn't persistent enough and when she ran away I didn't follow. I didn't have the guts to approach her with her friends and talk. Now I see I should've done that, just talk to the whole group. It feels good when I think about it now, didn't feel like that then. I was blocked by fear, it didn't even occur to me to do that. Now I spotted this really attractive girl and she was into me. I was into
her to. We got into the sexual dance (remember: dominate over her, don't follow, become a pole for her). I did courage to approach her 2 times. It wasn't that big of a deal cause I got almost every IOI I know from her. I did something new. I dragged her off the dance floor to talk. This was scary and I postponed it for 3 songs too many. But I did it. I was always scared that it will be stupid the talk after the dance. Well... it is, but as always it doesn't matter. The biggest secret of doing anything you want is... you have to accept the fear as real and then do it anyways. Because the fact is, the fears are real. What you fear will happen. It's the image of the result of the thing you fear of that is wrong. If you have the wrong idea of what will happen after, you won't do it. If I think she will reject me because I talk funny I won't do it. If I feel OK with her rejecting me, then I talk to her funny and it doesn't matter, she doesn't reject me. This is like a self-help thing that nobody will benefit from. I understand this now and I understand why this cannot be teached. You really have to be OK with the fact that you suck. Really accept that. Accept that you sucking, will work! But don't use that line. It will again create a false expectation in your mind. The thing is it doesn't matter what happens. Accept the result, whatever it is.

That was big but now for my even biggest revelation which made the whole night worth while: For my latest interactions with women I felt this thing that they want me, they EXPECT me to do something. This was a really strong feeling. It was really holding me back, because I don't know what to do! They expect me to do sth but I am just a man, I'm clueless. Getting rid of this emotion a couple weeks ago got me to think more clear. about this now. Here it is:

IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT SHE WANTS, THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS IS WHAT I WANT.

Whenever I think that she wants me to do something, say something, fuck that
and think about what I want. The reality is: she also doesn't have the slightest clue what she wants. The only thing she wants is... for you to know what you want.

----

There is something I need to do about my feelings. I can't do anything if I'm not horny. Like if I'm not hungry I won't eat. I will change my life to expose, glorify, accentuate and harness the feelings of sexual desire and hunger. I'm going on the Warrors Diet to become hungry. I will not masturbate and only seek pleasure from women to feel sexual.

What you want most

PJE "Now think about it *differently*. What will happen if you choose to exercise, and work be damned?"

What if I approach, in spite of feeling bad before, during and after the interaction and spite of being a total loser at it?

What do I want most, approach or feel comfortable?

"If you want to make something real in your life, you have to be willing to put it *first*. You have to be able to deal with the fact that *sometimes* you will have to put it ahead of other things, and it will be*uncomfortable* to do so.
You can have anything you want in this life, as long as you are *willing* to pay the price. That doesn't mean you have to struggle and suffer -- in fact the*opposite* is true.'

"Remember, our brains are designed to prioritize *external* events over internal ones in most cases. That means that when "something comes up", if you haven't *already* decided how to handle that type of conflict, chances are your brain will automatically choose what's more urgent, over what's really important to you. And then you'll be kicking yourself later, wondering how you let it all slip away from you."

Touch a stranger

After reading the book about autosuggestion I went out. I wanted to approach a
group of people in a coffee shop. I failed but atleast I went in there and
tried. The book is right if there is even the slightest bit of duality in your
mind about the thing you want to do, you won't do it. Later on I tried the
next step of my program "Touch a stranger". It really got me into a happy
state. I couldn't find good target and I excused myself a couple of times. I
approached a dude, touched him and asked for the time. Later on I decided to
deal with this feeling in my throat. Whenever I have a shy feeling it is
there. For 2 hours I was focusing on it and releasing dozens of emotions. I
used doyletics and mostly sedona. I feel terrific now and am enthusiastic
about going to a party tomorrow.
Btw. So I won't forget. Here is the list of the self-help program I invented.
I'm through steps 1-4 and I'm adding stuff constantly by learning.


Extreme focus program.
"Change the behaviour and the thoughts will follow"

1. Seek the colors
2. Towards pleasure
3. Create proximity
4. Make a difference
5. Touch a stranger

Butter

Wow... I was reading my journal entry from a year ago:

[quote]Lover archetypes:I've come up with three archetypes that woman fantasize about. I'm sure there
are more, but recently these are the ones I thought about. These archetypes
can be combined, some woman might want a mixture of these.- The untamed bad boy/warrior. Woman ho are fascinated by this archetype enjoy movies like: "Crouching Tiger
Hidden Dragon" (Dark Cloud), "The Assignment" (Carlos).- The poet/artist.Movies: "Moulin rouge" (Christian)- The mild guardian.Movies: "The proffesional" (Jean Reno, is basically like this).Throughout life women that want the second archetype seem to be most attracted
to me. Also from the third, but that is something I need to work on more. As
for the first one, that is what I want to be. I've got to find ways to improve
this.[/quote]

I said what!? I am the first archetype not the second or third! I realized my whole self-image changed. I don't even remember what I was
thinking about myself back then. I have become the first archetype.

==============================

After so many years of living, I have understood this. It seems so obvious.
Autosuggestion by Emile Coue:

"If we open a dictionary and look up the word "will", we find this
definition:
"The faculty of freely determining certain acts". We accept this
definition as
true and unattackable, although nothing could be more false.
This will that we
claim so proudly, always yields to the imagination. It is
an absolute rule
that admits of no exception."

"But above all, and this is an essential point, the will must not be brought
into play in practising autosuggestion; for, if it is not in agreement with
the imagination, if one thinks: "I will make such and such a thing happen",
and the imagination says: "You are willing it, but it is not going to be", not
only does one not obtain what one wants, but even exactly the reverse is
brought about.This remark is of capital importance, and explains why results are so
unsatisfactory when, in treating moral ailments, one strives to re-educate the
will. It is the training of the imagination which is necessary, and it is thanks to this shade of difference that my method has often succeeded where others -- and those not the least considered -- have failed. From the numerous experiments that I have made daily for twenty years, and which I have examined with minute care, I have
been able to deduct the following conclusions which I have summed up as laws:

1. When the will and the imagination are antagonistic, it is always the imagination which wins, without any exception.
2. In the conflict between the will and the imagination, the force of the imagination is in direct ratio to the square of the will.
3. When the will and the imagination are in agreement, one does not add to the
other, but one is multiplied by the other.
4. The imagination can be directed.

(The expressions "In direct ratio to the square of the will" and "Is multiplied by" are not rigorously exact. They are simply illustrations destined to make my meaning clearer.)"

"The principle of the method may be summed up in these few words:
It is impossible to think of two things at once, that is to say that two ideas may be in juxtaposition, but they cannot be superimposed in our mind.

Every thought entirely filling our mind becomes true for us and tends to transform itself into action."

==============================

IF YOU THINK OF APPROACHING AS SOMETHING ELSE THAN SPREADING BUTTER ON A PIECE OF BREAD THAN YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT IT WRONG!

He read a book from which he got an idea to eliminate the word "I' from his language. He wants to talk to himself like this for a whole week. He already did this for one day and then forgot about it. No worries, practice will make him perfect. The "I" is an illusion. Part of getting rid of that illusion is getting rid of the language that conceptualizes it.

Eva Green

I stumbled upon this site http://www.date-with-yamazaki-mami.com/about/.

The guy wants to date a japanese model.It got me thinking. It got me thinking big. I need a burning desire for my dating life. I am content with what I can achieve now but I need to demand more from myself. I will never become better if I settle down. I need to start desiring a woman out of reach! Not entirely out of reach, because if I develop what is needed to meet and attract her I will get her!I feel this is a turning point. I have learned how to eliminate fear. But after that there is nothing left. No motivation. Why would I want to approach her?

Here's why:
http://www.vegards007.com/Skuespillere/Bond-Piker/Eva_Green/Eva%20Green.jpg
Eva Green, I'm gonna date her, and fuck her, no joke.

-- What I need to do?
Train on other girls. My goal for today is eliminate any feelings that I have with using girls in this way.

Keep your confidence

Derren brown on rapport:

"Behaviour:

So, when approaching new acquaintances with whom you wish to establish rapport, decide beforehand that you are going to be very interested in them and what they have to say, and that you want them to feel comfortable and good. And don't fake it and don't overdo it! Smiling too much and touching a near-stranger's elbow all the time will make you seem like a moron, not a potential friend. People respond to natural, easy-going, confident behaviour.
And remember: if you do have to fake it and then fake it quite well, you are actually being that confident person in that situation. It's just behaviour!"

"consider the alternative: you listen to whatever they have to say to learn how the content of their conversation relates to them. You build in your mind a representation of their way of seeing the world, and you piece together their patterns. People love talking about themselves, so you can happily ask any questions to complete those patterns and gain more information about their world. After a while, this will become almost second nature to you, and you will be able simply to look at someone and tell almost immediately what their reactions to various stimuli might be.
Mind control?
Once you understand someone else's perception of a situation, you can mentally exist inside their heads. If they want you to sort out a problem for them, you can do so more effectively, for you are not letting your own prejudices and ideas get in the way.

-------------------

I could've written this http://agullon.wordpress.com/2007/02/10/focus-your-confidence-internally/.
Killswitch wrote about this but seemed to drift away. I need to rehearse these ideas, read them every now and then, think about it on a daily basis.
It is from this starting point that I can begin to play with the mind control for which I am known. It's not that I am really controlling other people. Rather, I am seeing events through their eyes and second-guessing their responses and thoughts. It's great fun.'

----------------

More Questioner theory:

Yesterday at night I got into a state of thinking about my reality as a dream. That all thoughts are really not mine. They are just interpretations of interpretations of interpretations. NO THOUGHT IS MINE! That led me to a really curious state to see what my mind will come up with. Once you start questioning EVERY SINGLE THOUGHT YOU HAVE they just dissapear leaving you in the natural state for some time. But then you get awareness of that state and start questioning and the cycle continues. Because there is there is no state of no-thought. There is just an ongoing questioning train.

More Questioner theory

Questioner:

It is not you that WANTS things. So if you say you want it, it is wrong. If the mind says you do, or just do it, it is false. You can only question. The mind must learn what you are and stop bugging you. It must learn to make good output, good questions for you to consider.

So what to do if you want something? It is not you that wants that thing. Question the wanting.
I was enjoying music yesterday. In a buddhist approach I would just be aware of the music and bliss would fill me. In the Questioner approach my mind is constantly working. Zen teaches that there is a state of no-thought. I question that. I think the mind is working and producing thoughts all the time. So the state of bliss through simple awareness and mind emptiness should be produced by asking questions. This claim proved to be true. I just started asking: how can I enjoy this more? Why is this so enjoyable? Is this bliss? The same state is produced through different means.

-------------------

Ultimate Secrets of Total Self-Cofidence:"The degree to which you awaken will be in direct proportion to the amount of Truth you can accept about yourself."

-----------------

Charisma arts:
Dimitri:

"The solution for the so called Approach Anxiety is to remove unnecessary obstructions by giving a full commitment to one task only: the physical act of approach as such. This act is extremely simple and requires minimum effort. I don't confuse myself by thinking of what I'm going to say. I will deal with that after I approach. Instead, I just take the five steps. (Sometimes even the five steps are not necessary. Very often my target stands right next to me, and all I have to do is just turn my body toward her - this constitutes the Approach).

The first Turning Point of Escalation is the Opening. And here's the biggest secret I've ever learned about talking to strangers and turning them into lovers: open with Kino. Kino comes before the words - and will continue throughout the entire interaction. Before I say anything, I touch a woman on the outside of the arm (or on the outside of the leg, this option is more intimate and is of course available only when she is seated) with the back of my hand. I hold the contact for a few moments (because if I remove my hand instantly it would feel to a woman almost as if I pinched her). Only after I've touched a woman, I say something."

"Blank Mind Opening is exactly what it sounds like: I clear my mind completely and approach a woman - and then say the very first thing that comes to my mind.
I highly recommend you to experiment with the Blank Mind Opening - you'll be amazed at what clever and witty (and sometimes incredibly goofy) things will come out of your mouth!"

On belief change

On belief change

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

I was reading the book "The Four agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz. The whole
book revolves around the idea that our reality is a dream, a dream created
out of our agreements. I suggest you read it, it is a terrific read.
Basically you need to change your beliefs in order to live a more fulfilled
life.

How to do that? Don Miguel says that in order to change a belief you must
fight it with the same power that was used to create it. This is a very
important concept. It will help you really change the beliefs that govern
your life instead of relying on techniques that might not work.

[to be continued]

THE BELIEF CAN ONLY BE CHANGED BY THE SAME FORCE USED TO CREATE IT

---------

I was rereading my bootcamp experiences.I was wrong, I thought I have to learn everything, because there is nothing
there. All the skills are there, what prevents me from using them are my
beliefs.
I'm interested in FOCUS again, here is my quote that worked:"I must shrink my awareness to one thought - HOW DO I MAKE THIS INTERACTION
COMFORTABLE?"

Old quote:

"What is game?
Game is being yourself. Period."

New add-on:

"Being yourself is never letting other people impose a frame on you"

------------

PJE:"you're not going to trick your brain by saying thatyou're only going to work on something for a fewminutes, if you don't really mean it."That is why you can't trick it by saying: I'm only going to say hello.

--------------

"Here is a powerful way to train your attention span. I had the same problem
years ago.What you do is count the letters on a page from a novel book.
1,2,3,4,5 etc I used to loss track after about 6 lines but if you keep on
doing it, you will get better. Say your first time you only count to 100
then lose focus..next day you may do 105 or less etc...however you will get
to the point where you can count the whole page. it seems easy but it was
not for me. It took me a very long time to do that.But it works,Hypnotica"
"Get in the habit of filling-your mind up a little everyday with positive
things whether it be hypnosis, affirmations, reading etc...the long term
benefits are definitely worth it.I hope this helps.Hypnotica"

Natural state of being - the Questioner theory

Here I present my most revolutionary theory yet. I was out two days ago, I
tried approaching 6 strangers with extreme focus and ask them something. I did
it, not without trouble, but what I learned is remarkable.

Throughout this whole year I have been studying what conciousness really is.
What am I? What do I do? I have realized the duality of my nature. I have
gotten from a phase of thinking I am a rider on a horse to a phase where I am
the master of everything I do, every decision and action to where I am now, a
way of thinking that there is no free will, maybe just 10%. What is that 10%?
What are you and what can you really do? How can you do anything you want?
That question is essential. I am one step closer to the Truth. Here it is.

What am I really? I am the Questioner.
What can I really do? I can only ask questions.

That's it, that's my theory about the nature of reality, conciousness and
everything. The reason why I am here, why I am in this body, in this mind is
to ask questions. The real function of conciousness is to get feedback from
the mind and body and question that. I don't even make decisions. I get
decisions on my output and then I can only question that decision. Now why
does it seem that I have free will? Because if I ask the right question, the
decision can be changed but it is not me that changes the decision, it is the
mind that changes the decisions because of a realization from the question.

So can I really do anything, like physically, move my hand, walk? No. I just
"sit there" and observe. I can then question certain actions or in-actions and
it seems like I am "in control".I am not the thinker either. When I ask a question, I am not the one thinking about the answer. It is just the computer that is giving out data from the
query. It seems like I am doing the thinking because I question the data, so further data is analyzed based upon the questions I make.So really I am in control and I am not. I can't do anything unless I ask the right question. It's like in the movie Labirynth, to get anywhere in this
world you must know how to ask proper questions.

How does this fit with goals theory. It seems that I evaluate actions and decisions according to my set goals. That's how I value things, according to goals. If my goal is to be comfortable I won't speak to anyone in a social venue. Am I doing the goal setting and valuing? No. Goals are decisions on what to do and values are "realizations" about certain things. Both are in the
mind. You do not hold that.So what to do if you want something? I'll answer this in a moment because I'm really not sure right now.

What do we do when we are young children and learn to speak? We start asking questions, loads of them. And even when we don't speak we are naturally CURIOUS. Exploring the world is asking questions. When the mind has no idea what you are it doesn't block you. Once you get the knowledge what you are, the false knowledge, that you are a spirit or whatever, or that you are one with the body or that you have free will the problem arises. The natural state
of being is not knowing and questioning. This is what happened to U.G. Krishnamurti after his calamity. He didn't know anything and all he did was walk around and ask questions what's that, how come, why? This is a natural thing for the mind. The questioner is a simple design mechanism and it works. But because of the complexity of the mind it starts to attach false meaning to whatever it is doing and thus causing the questioner to ask wrong questions like: "I have to go talk to that girl". Which isn't even a question but the mind does what it can and just outputs a feeling of effort and fear. The feedback loop malfunctions and the whole body is stuck.
To make things naturally progress an appropriate question is needed, like: "How can I talk to her?" "what about?" "Do I really need to talk to her?" "Maybe some other time?" "Will there be another time?" "How can I make this easier?" "Can I just say hello?". That's what should be happening in a natural state of being, a state where the questioner does its job. This doesn't mean that it will let you do whatever you want. If the body would do whatever you ask for it would not be a state of natural being. You might ask a question "do I really want to talk to her?" and the answer will be "no I don't even like her" which will be a realization for the mind to stop even thinking about her. So you never know what can happen once you start questioning but the important thing is things might happen.

So what to do if you want something? Wanting something is valueing a specific goal. Where is that goal? In your mind, the mind holds it. Where is value? In your mind. Everything is in your mind. You just ask questions. Before writing this I still had illusions. You see, it is not you that wants something. If you want to talk to the girl it is just the penis that wants to have sex with
her. The attachment to the thought that it is YOU that wants that is false. You just ask questions. You do not want anything except to get to know WHY. Now an important question arrises. Where do the questions come from? From the mind. Questions are not necessarily language structures if you would not have language you still would be able to question. A state of curiosity is the root of a question. The sentence is just something that comes after the question.
It is a part of the output. The sentence is just an output for further evaluation of the questioner. So the questions aren't yours? If the mind creates the questions, then what do you do and why are you the questioner if you don't create the questions?

When you "notice" a question of yours, what are you doing? Remember what you
do? You only question. So you are questioning the question. But what you are
questioning isn't the real questioning. It is an illusion that the question
was even there...

Whatever you expierience in your conciousness was create in the mind. Everything. Nothing that is there is yours. You just question. This is critical to understand. You are NOT the questions, you question!

The problem with understanding this is the illusion that there are such things as questions. The illusion that there are separate questions that we ask. That we drift from one state of curiosity to another. That we ask a question then do something else. That is not what is happening in the natural state of being. The natural state of being is... to be interested and curious ALL THE TIME. There is no separation. It is like a big never-ending stream of curiosity. It is one whole Question. It is the mind feeded with false beliefs about the conciousness and its function that creates the idea of separate thoughts and no-thoughts of questions and no-questions. As I said the natural state of being is not knowing. When you're curious, you look around and see a girl and your mind says "I can't do it today" the mind makes an imaginary separation and ends the state of curiosity. When all you must ever do is be curious and don't stop asking questions about why you want to talk to her and why will it be great.The state of knowing blocks the mind. How to free the mind? Learn and meditate. The mind must unlearn through learning. It must learn that it must unlearn and then it must start all over again by meditating, by asking questions about asking questions about asking questions. Curiosity is bliss. Long live questioning.

I thought for a long time, especially after interacting with Zen that the only function of conciousness is to be aware. That it is like a self-reflecting mirror for the mind. That is true, but the mirror isn't of any value if you don't start asking questions what you see in the mirror. The mind must ask questions about what it sees in the mirror.

So not to get too philosophical about this (oops too late). There is a theoretical part of this and a practical one. The theoretical part is that your natural state of being is not knowing and being curious the whole time you're concious, everything else, whateber you experience is false, is an illusion and is not yours. The practical part is what you can do in every day life to make it better. On the simplest level, get rid of everything that blocks you until you find the state of curiosity. Then just ask questions, simple language based sentences: why, when, how, who, how many. It is not the natural state of being but it is helluva lot closer to it than your normal way of thinking that you are in control over everything and have free will. Just ask questions. All the time, about everything you experience. Never stop the questioning.

Fuck their expectancy

I took out a feeling today. It was one of the most powerful ones in me. It was the feeling that people (especially girls) expect something from me. I nearly cried doing it, my whole body twisted and turned.

------------------------

New brilliant Killswitch posts:

Mental Health
http://www.fastseduction.com/discussion/fs?action=9&read=62416&fid=23&BoardID=2#380632

Mental Health II
http://www.fastseduction.com/discussion/fs?action=9&read=62586&fid=23&BoardID=2#381474

Killswitch is getting a spin into J. Krishnamurti's direction of thinking.

----------------

PJE:
Limiting beliefs:
If you're feeling conflicted about something, you have conflicting beliefs! If you're feeling bad about something, you have a limiting belief! If you're feeling bad that you "have to" do something you "shouldn't have to", you have a belief that's contradicting reality! If you feel like you "can't" be, do, or have something, you have a belief that prevents you!

Betrayal of the penis brain

I feel completely like shit right now. I feel like my heart is broken. I went
to the course again. I had 1 goal, I wrote it down before going there, not the
day before (mistake). I wanted to compliment HB17. It's ridicoulos how comfortable and
non-shy I feel these days. There is no fear of anything other than the girl. I
sat there and during the break I wanted to talk to her. Realizing I wouldn't
do it I talked to another woman and then to a dude that was sitting next to
me. Then I just snapped, turned around and started talking to her. Convo was
normal except for my reactions - my mouth got dry. Now this is funny. A couple
years ago I would beat myself to death - why is this happening! Now it is all
part of the fun. This is how people in love react. I was more focused on FOCUS
during the conversation and it feels SO POWERFUL even though the content of
the conversation is meaningless. I didn't compliment her, just did basic
Juggler rewarding so I failed. Later we were standing next to each other and I looked at another chick for like 1 second too long. She noticed it and came to stand next to me blocking
my girl. Now this chick was pretty decent and a lot easier to bang in my
oppinion but because I was thinking about HB17 it went nowhere and eventually
I got uncomfortable by two girls competing for me and I bailed. This is OK because I decided I don't want anything from her. I knew this would happen. Nevertheless I betrayed the penis brain and now I'm in pain. This is an ongoing cycle in my life. I feel with my "heart" or penis that I want this girl. But I start thinking logically and it makes sense to not be interested with her and bail. Later on I feel like shit. Now I don't really know what to do about this. I decided to just focus on a goal and fuck everything else. My goal is from my 3 Major Goals for 2007. It is to have sex. That is all I will think about. I have to change my women filter to filter just the ones that it will be easy to fuck. That's all I want to do. Although I would like to I have to forget about "love" feelings. They led me nowhere in my life although they feel so good. Now I realize while writing this that it is an illusion. It makes you feel good about this special girl. In fact you're moving nowhere. I just want to fuck.

The greatest realization

I almost forgot to write about my greatest realization, maybe ever.Yesterday I was reading a book. I was feeling good. But then came a fragment that was sort of depressing and I started to feel a little depressed. This is OK because books are meant to evoke emotions but what happened was something really stupid. I realized, I think, the greatest design flaw in our mind of all time. In the moment when I was feeling down I started thinking about my life. The thoughts that came out of it were crap thoughts! I was thinking badly about my life suddenly! And the more I dwelled on it the worse it got. Until I realized what I have done because I remembered feeling and thinking about my life being great just a few seconds ago. We can easily recall emotions. The design flaw is that we can attach nonsense meaning to those emotions. The bad feeling was evoked because of a story in the book and my mind started associating the feeling with my life in general. If I have not stopped that I would feel depressed today because that feeling would make my thinking of how bad my life is reality!

So the key to overriding this design flaw is to observe emotions and notice what meaning I attach to them. This is the key to maintaining a good mood forever.

Honest people

David X, Be relentless:
"How do you get tough?You have to be able to look anyone in the eyes and tell them the truth."
"Go after what you want"

---------
David Shade
Shade's modus operandi was to be picky. Not every girl was worth seducing.
Major Mark said a long time ago that the really worthy women will provide
you with all the material you'll ever need to seduce them, he continued.
It's the ones who aren't worthy that you end up having to entertain.
Seduction is not about you or your material: it's about her.

------------------
DrJekyll"But what you can do, something real and definite, is to set yourself a
specific goal for the evening - something that does not require you to do
anything other than go through the motions of the process which will
eventually make you good.
Focus on the process.
The results will come when they come.
Focus upon the process, absolutely. Focus on the next step. The danger of
putting a timeframe on yourself, be it 6 months, or whatever, is that you
may put so much pressure on yourself that you will tear yourself apart. It
certainly felt like that for me sometimes. This is not a trick of skill. It
is a journey toward honour, glory. It takes tremendous courage to embark
upon this endeavour, and tremendous humility to succeed.
But those ultimate visions you have, they are not to be cast aside. Those
grand outcomes upon which we are dependent - they are the visions of our
future which our effort will make real. I do not believe there is a simple
answer, except, as Kipling said, to dream, and not make dreams your master.
It is the process, the steps which we must take, the actions which we take
that move us along the pathways of our lives. And yet if we lose those
visions of where we ultimately want to be, we will be rudderless and move
apart.
So focus on taking the steps. Make certain that you demand of yourself each
day no more than you can acheive in one day. And remember that there is
always time to rest and recover. But that vision that you had - not the one
of you being better than the other guys, but the one of you not being afraid
anymore, not being alone anymore - that vision is something of true value.
It will strengthen you when you are down, and keep you climbing to your feet
whenever you fall."

- ------ -
I realized yesterday taht I'm very habitous in lying. It doesn't even make sense. I carefuly hide the fact that I'm her learning and growing. I've developed a double identity. I need to stop that. I already am "trying" to stop lying. It doesn't work with will-power. What do I do? Simple, as with everything I learn, I surround myself with people that are honest.

Emotion creates thought

I've been in hell and I've come back. I realized today how terrible my life was a couple of years ago. I was terrified to walk into a McDonald's and ask for anything. I was terrified to ask for the time. I was terrified to look at a girl in fear that she will notice and think of me as stalker. I lived in hell. I see this now, so I am outside of hell. I am no longer like that. I went today to a Toastmasters meeting. I had no intentions so I did only default patterns. Just went there and talked to people that approached me. I see now exactly why PJE says to write your goals. If you don't have goals you will just do whatever you usually did. I see what he means by will-power points. There is no free will once I'm in a social environment. I must plan ahead. Write down EXACTLY what I want to do. Then and only then sth happens out of my comfort zone. I have accepted the awkwardness of first conversations. I'm cool with being nervous and it's so funny to see that it is just OK and normal.

I trained my FOCUS today. Decided to not think about anything and just be aware for about 1km walking. During that thing I realized that all thoughts are fueled by emotions. Without emotions there are no thoughts. So if certain thoughts come into my mind, instead of thinking more about getting rid of them I observe what is the underlying emotion and then release it or rationalize it. After releasing my vision becomes clearer and I'm more aware. I get back the energy lost for maintaining that emotion.