I've been in hell and I've come back. I realized today how terrible my life was a couple of years ago. I was terrified to walk into a McDonald's and ask for anything. I was terrified to ask for the time. I was terrified to look at a girl in fear that she will notice and think of me as stalker. I lived in hell. I see this now, so I am outside of hell. I am no longer like that. I went today to a Toastmasters meeting. I had no intentions so I did only default patterns. Just went there and talked to people that approached me. I see now exactly why PJE says to write your goals. If you don't have goals you will just do whatever you usually did. I see what he means by will-power points. There is no free will once I'm in a social environment. I must plan ahead. Write down EXACTLY what I want to do. Then and only then sth happens out of my comfort zone. I have accepted the awkwardness of first conversations. I'm cool with being nervous and it's so funny to see that it is just OK and normal.
I trained my FOCUS today. Decided to not think about anything and just be aware for about 1km walking. During that thing I realized that all thoughts are fueled by emotions. Without emotions there are no thoughts. So if certain thoughts come into my mind, instead of thinking more about getting rid of them I observe what is the underlying emotion and then release it or rationalize it. After releasing my vision becomes clearer and I'm more aware. I get back the energy lost for maintaining that emotion.
From shy guy to don juan. Daily experiences.
"The secret of happiness is freedom. And the secret of freedom is courage."
