Biggest issue of all?

One of my biggest issues is something that might be called fear of success. I
need to meditate upon it, maybe release it. When I know something will work, I don't use it. Why is that? It started with
DYD, I got so pumped up because here I had a "laid guide", I knew every step
to do to get a woman. Yet, I never used it. And the reason why is that I know
it will work. I really believe this stuff works. What happens then frightens
me.
I believe I'm afraid what everyone will think about. That I could lose my family and friends, that they would not like the new me. I already did some work on accepting the fact that I might lose my friends in the process. I attach a lot of success to that, but what do I do next?

"fuck fear based decisions"

Btw. I still haven't made a REAL DECISION to approach women. I tried making a "decision session". Producing the feeling of knowing but it doesn't do shit. I felt MAYBE I can do it. That isn't KNOWING.

I need to remind myself of my own golden quotes. I think I have to write them down and memorize them everyday. Here are the best:

Never NEED anything from anyone. If you want something from someone just TAKE IT, but be prepared to LOSE IT.

I am the creative force in the world and only from the position of "I am the master of my fate" can I make changes."

State can be changed directly bt action alone.

------------------------

I was thinking about motivation. I don't do stuff often because I say "I don't really want this". Like thinking about approaching a girl. What bullshit. Of course I want to fuck her brains out. The reason why I'm not doing it is because I don't want the FEAR. I'm not doing it because of the fear not because I don't want to. SO WHEN I DON'T DO SOMETHING BECAUSE I'M AFRAID, I REALLY WANT TO DO IT, IF I SAY DIFFERENTLY I'M LYING.

Fear is not a reason to not do it! And fear is anykind of thinking: It won't work, I won't be able to, I expect, I don't feel like. Fuck expectancy and fuck fear based decisions!

Various thoughts

guitar playing - social interactions (neural networks trained by YOU)every decision is something learned by your networks
I learnt something today while learning to play a song on the guitar.The way you learn a song (and any other complex thing) is you use your conciousness in a role
of a teacher. Because it is not you that is playing. You are just teaching your hands to
play. When you hit a wrong note, you mentally backup and say "Wrong!" and go for it again,
repeat until it is done correctly. This way your neural networks are developed. You know that
they have learnt what you intended when you no longer have to conciously maintain your
playing. Your hands play by themselves.I realized today that, everything you do in life is a training process. For example: social
interactions. In every moment you make a decision, like to approach a person, to talk about
this, about that, to stand this way, to look there, to agree to their frame, to maintain your
frame... everytime you make a decision like that you are training your neural networks and
sooner or later you lose the awareness of what you taught them and they work on their own.
This is what I think is PERSONALITY. It is a sum of all the decisions you have made in your
life. It's just a set of trained neural networks, trained by YOU! The bad news is that you have a lot of bad training made, especially in your childhood. The
good news is you can retrain the neural networks.The way to do that is to start making new concious decisions. Know what your ideal self is
and make decisions based on what that person would do. Stick to them and notice that
everytime you make a decision that is not congruent with your ideal self you are reinforcing
the bad neural networks. Start building new better ones, each day, each minute, every moment.
Keep that image of yourself, right there, never let go, until you die.
------------------------------------------------
VictorMalvado
Get into the state (sincerity, power)
"I think you are incredibly beautiful... I really wanna meet you"
Vacuum.
"I know it's absurd cos I still don't know you. All I know about you is I think you are
really beatiful. And now I want to know what else you have."
Don't permit the bad thoughts. Interrupt them. Squash them:
Control the visuals. Look directly at the girl.Audio. Change the voice "Oh I like that girl, mmmmh I want to see what she's really like"."On the beach walk".

-----------------------------------------------
If you try to remember and hold states that you had in the past and experiences you are not
letting yourself experience anything new. Hence you won't make a step further.
-----------------------------------------------
Gain trust:Tell each other your ultimate fantasy.
---------------------------------------------------
As Thucydides says:
"The secret of happiness is freedom. And the secret of freedom is courage."
-----------------------------------------------------
Just awesome:http://mybirthdaypony.blogspot.com/2006/12/conversation-as-art.html

Defaults

I've been watching "Reclaiming your true identity" with Tony Robbins. Wow what
a great guy he is. Vulnerability is power! I can walk anywhere and even feel
and act shy but it doesn't matter. It might work and if it doesn't there is
still a power within you and you can just not take shit from people. If they
feel that there is really power that is driving you they will respect you even
if you act weak.

Lately after a peak social encountering I dropped to a low. I am like I
always have been. As if nothing I did to improve myself ever did anything.
That is in terms of talking and doing what I want. Of course there are other
aspects that have improved I just was focused on these. There is little I can
do to change myself in terms of unblocking my mind to have a freeflow.
Sometimes you just are in a great state and everything flows. This probably
isn't even natural, you would have to take cocaine to be in this state
everyday. So what can I do about it? Nothing really but I can always do default things that will make me accomplish stuff instead of whining about my state. After I was really down at a party I came to these conclusions:

Default things to do when going to a social gathering:

1. Always have a goal.
This is the most important thing. It can be anything like talk to one person.
Say a joke. Look in the eyes of a woman for 3 secs. Commit yourself to the goal. Even if it is stupid train your neural networks to do what you want.

2. Don't think.
If you think too much that means you don't have a goal. You should be focused
on your goal and getting rid of excuses. Trying to change the state for the sake of changing your state is worthless. Focus on the goal, do action and the state will find you.

3. TAKE FUCKING RISKS YOU MOTHER FUCKER SHIT EATING PISS EATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Real decisions

Radical HonestY:
"The source of our power to produce the results we want does not lie in our
beliefs, our hopes, or our time-consuming struggle to change. The person who
says he wants to lose weight, but says he just can't give up midnight snacks,
may believe he is in a struggle between "being good" and "giving in" to his
cravings, but in fact he has already chosen to keep snacking. The "struggle"
that he describes serves to hide this fact."
"The contradictions between our principles and our behavior are only
superficial, only invented for the sake of appearance and to avoid
acknowledging our terrifying power to make things happen."

I need to DECIDE to approach women with my whole being because that is the
only thing there is. There is no struggle or approach anxiety. I decide way
before to approach or not. I must make a commitment. Real decisions are felt, like a deep sense of KNOWING. All decisions that
change life are like that. Until I know with my WHOLE SELF that I will
approach a girl I won't ever do it. Commit or die. I create my life, there is
only ME.When I recall real decisions they consist of:- not ever considering a different possibility ever again- a memorable reason that motivates usually a fear of loss- need to change because nothing is working as you want it to
In short:

REAL DECISION

1. ETERNAL COMMITMENT

2. MEMORABLE REASON

3. NO PERSPECTIVES

Whenever I made a real decision in life I would be previously struggling with
some aspect of life. It would cause pain and there would be always fear. Once
the decision was made, suddenly everything was clear and the fear was not
there. The whole being knew what it was going to do. When I stop feeling
nervous about going out and meeting women I will know that I have DECIDED and there is no going back.
These decisions where always made in a split second. After reading or hearing a sentence. Just a snap decision and there is KNOWING about a real decision.
I will stop lying to myself. Until I feel a deep sense of knowing that I've commited I won't be playing the "trying" "struggling" game.

AFC thinking

The second source of AFC thinking: specializing.
The belief that there is one person that will 'match' you and all your skills will impress her instead of being generally attractive.

Jack

-----------------------------------------------
"If you wanna fuck women, you can't be shy"
Jack

"Talk dirty to me" is the number 1 porn movie. Jack is my role-model.If I don't behave like him towards women there is no hope for me.
-----------------------------------------------

Yesterday I did emotional releasing on the topic of: becoming succesful and having a girl in my life. It was a deep issue, I hope it worked.I tried also to reframe comfort zones as painful zones. It happens that they are pain zones, so the reframe was wrong.

Review of last outings

3 days ago I went to a club. I was in a really great mood before. I noticed I didn't even think for a second about what to say or being not talkative or anything with my friends. I was just the center of attention. In the club I got different feelings. Now this was really wierd. I really felt that all women want me. And that caused me to try to runaway from them. I was afraid of them. I didn't want to get off from the pedestal I brought up for my self. So it ended with nothing. I didn't have strict plans also because the outing was spontaneous.
Things that helped me: I stood for about 30 minutes and just observed people, got in touch with myself and my goals. After that it was easier. I found an attractive girl and danced around her letting her know I'm interested. Nothing happened cause she left. I have to get into this state quicker in the future. Actions, actions, actions. State can be changed by actions alone. And I really need to focus on my intentions. I need to remember my goals. My friends are really distracting me. I am the most important person here, I need to remember or find a way to not be distracted.

---------------------

Yesterday I went out. I asked one dude about the bus. It was special because I decided to do it at this bus stop. When I approached it, nearly all the people went away. But I focused on my goal and decided to commit to it. I found one random dude and asked him. I wouldn't do it earlier if there wasn't a right person. Two things mattered here: habit (I approached 10 people earlier,
previous post), commitment (decision to do it no matter what). This is how I want to train myself. I will train my brain to do what I want. I will make a decision to do something at a place and I will stay there until I do what I intended to. If I do this a lot of times finally I will have emotions of guilt that will prevent me from not doing it! Great. This requires discipline and
time. I need to really think about what specifically I want to do and why then I can to stop thinking :).

Good

Yesterday I listened Vangelis Voices. It had a deep emotional impact on me.
For about 3 songs I was conciously feeling the bad feeling that I had for a
couple of days and then came the happy tune and I was smiling. I slept like a
baby and today I finally felt GOOD. So it was not a chemical problem, because I have endorphins pumping in me now. The problem was an emotional imprint. It's like you have to clear out all the negative emotions that are locked inside you (kinda like Dianetics).
I decided also yesterday to approach 10 people and ask some crap. I did it today. I was maybe at square one but the recovery process is faster. I can't do courage based on past experiences, you
make courage at every moment and you have to deal with it in the NOW. You
don't have to remember past experiences, they help you perform unconciously
which is great. I am very relaxed when talking to strangers. The technqiue
from my previous post works, the purpose is very important. There are just 2 problems:
I feel that not all people are worth approaching. I really believed that until I found it is a limiting belief. I can't judge people based on looks and besides filtering people out doesn't help me in any way, I have to learn to deal with everyone.
Second problem: I feel the need to act out what I asked. Like when I ask for the bus, after that I pretend to be really interested. Bullshit I only wanted to ask the person, fuck what he/she thinks about me asking!

Square one

I was out today again. I realized I won't go to a coffee shop or anything. I
have this strange depression-like anxiety. I'm feeling really wierd. On the
thinking level everything is normal. I have no neurotic thought patterns. Also
I get everything done and it looks normal outside. But on the inside I feel bad and
desperate. I realize it's just a feeling and I believe it's a chemical
inbalance. It might be because of my recent illness something is missing
biologically in me or it might be a lack of sth social. I haven't been really
social lately, I haven't seen my friends in a long time, that might be it too.
Anyways decided to see what stage I'm at and ask 3 people for the time or sth.
I couldn't do it. Back to square one I guess.I realized that I can beat feelings I just have to have a good plan. This is what worked before and I will use it again. Social situations have too many
random variables that's why you have to make it as clear as possible. I'll try making it clear like this:

Goal: Ask first friendly person X in location Y about Z
Purpose: I want to meet people at place Y, this will help me feel more comfortable

So goal and purpose. When I recall times when I didn't do my goals I really didn't have a purpose in them. I need to work on the purpose to motivate myself.

Fear destroyer

I went out today. Walked for a couple of hours and did eye contact. Went into
one venue to feel how it is and check out what people are coming in. Coffee
shops are the definite place to meet girls. I just have to make the decision to
go in there and talk to them. I just gotta do the courage, that's it.I stood near a really nice, attractive girl today in the bus. I did nothing. I
didn't plan to. I thought that after listening to Shark's CD's my behaviour
would become automatic and I would be fearless. It's the same as always, I
just have new beliefs and plans on what will work. I felt really regretful
after she went off. One of Shark's techniques is the fear destroyer. Remind
yourself of past failures, when you didn't approach girls. Feel the regret. It
is there for a reason. I will feel it as deeply as possible, the next time I'm
in a situation like this. It doesn't matter if I plan to pick-up this girl or
not. Just realize that your life will be misery if you keep doing nothing.

Cure for neediness

NEVER EVER N E E D ANYTHING FROM ANYONE! Please listen to this!
If you want something from someone just TAKE IT, but be prepared to LOSE IT.
That is the cure for neediness.

--------------

RADICAL HONESTY

"Paying attention to the experience of feeling in the body while angry
is the key to learning how to use anger rather than have anger use you. That awareness of feeling in the body is what causes anger to change from a destructive force to a usable power."
The same with fear yeah?

Changes

Since the last time I posted a message I was ill. Something strange happened because after taking medicine one day I woke up and a thought came to my head: I am different, I am changed. On a biological level I have changed for sure. Somehow my skin got clearer, I lost fat. What I have become is someone that has a lot of HUMILITY. That is the key word. I was really arrogant and thought I was invincible, this illness taught me something about not taking yourself so seriously. I feel very different, I remember U.G. saying there is no psychological change only biochemical one. I have come to an understanding that there is little or nothing you can do about yourself because all real changes occur on a biological level and how to induce them I do not know (hormones probably take a big part in this).What else have I been doing? I have been imagining interactions all this time. I have simulated dozens of interactions. I've been listening to Shark's CD's and doing his approach in my mind. I see no other way of doing this. I understand now the fault of the whole 'community'. Basically people teach stuff to make money and there is nothing you must learn. You just have to do it by yourself. You just have to fucken do it! Like in PJE's post the meaning of "just do it". I also wrote about it. You just have to do it no matter what state you are in. You don't have direct control over your state but you have control over yourself!!!I made a snap decision to stop reading any PUA material. I haven't read anything PUA related for the last few days and it is a bliss. Now I see how much time I lost and how working comes easily when I have nothing to read about. The oly thing I will do is watch PUA videos because it is proven that the brain really learns by watching role-models.Today deliberatly looked at a girl, knowing that she would know that I'm looking at her. I never did sth like this before, I feel anything is possible now, I can't wait to get better and meet some attractive females.

New venue anxiety

Use your body to change your voice.
To do improvisation, first flex the muscles in the way your character will perform, then you will do it.

-------------

I conquered some new venue anxiety today. I went into a dozen of coffee shops in my area. Just went in for 1 minute and to get accustomed to the fact that nobody gives a rats ass about what I'm doing there. Before going I had some massive anxiety, I was overly self-concious. Got over it, just by doing it. The thing I learned is that all the techniques for minimizing anxiety work but you don't have to and maybe even shouldn't use them conciously. They are just training wheels. The thing that works is the DETERMINATION to do it no matter what. When you focus every inch of your thought about changing your thoughts you will succeed. You must know where you want to be. Instantly recognize thought patterns and behaviours that are not congruent with your goal and eliminate them (Acknowledge it: "no this is not helping me"). No matter what the thoughts and fears are, they are irrelevant. If you do that, your brain after some time will realize that you are really gonna do this and it will start helping you. Break through the pain period!

Risk

This is what I'm thinking about lately. My thinking structure is changing, mainly because of "Mode One":

In order to get anything in life, you must be prepared to lose it.
The right way to get something is the way that involves risk.
Without risk you cannot gain anything.

Again... using bold letters...


TO GET ANYTHING IN LIFE, YOU MUST BE PREPARED TO LOSE IT.

THE ONLY WAY TO GET SOMETHING IS THE WAY THAT INVOLVES RISK.

WITHOUT RISK YOU CANNOT GAIN ANYTHING.


So... accept the fact that...

if you want to earn big money, you must be prepared to go broke.
if you want to start a conversation with a woman, you must be prepared to lose her.
if you want a kiss, you must be prepared to lose her.
if you want sex, you must be prepared to lose her.
if you want to get a woman you must be prepared to lose all women for the rest of your life.

NOTHING CAN BE GAINED WITHOUT RISK.

If there is a way of getting something for free, notice that your thinking is false and not BASED ON REALITY!

If there is no risk involved in your method. If there is no possibility of losing someone (a girl) or something in yourself (like self-esteem) then that way is false and won't get you nowhere.

I've nailed down the AFC thinking. Ha!

Mode One II

"We lie to avoid whatever we perceive as dangerous – to our ego,
to our comfort, to our safety."

“never allow yourself to want a woman ‘too badly’.”

"“Timids” are those Mode Three men who have NO BALLS. They have so little confidence in their social skills with women, and such a low degree of courage, that they very rarely, if ever, even attempt to approach a woman. “Timids” are DREADFULLY AFRAID of rejection."

"If you’re really interested in a short-term, casual sex relationship, you will “pretend” as though you’re interested in a long-term, serious romantic relationship. If you’re really interested in a romantic relationship, you will “pretend” as though you’re totally content with just a good, platonic friendship. Why? Because you’re afraid that whatever your interests are, they won’t be reciprocated."

"Scottish warrior William Wallace, was willing to die . . . DIE . . . rather than compromise his principles and values, or sacrifice his sense of dignity,"

"If you're a "Timid" ... take inventory of what you have to offer, and GROW SOME BALLS"


BEliefs that I need to stick to o matter what and who I meet:

ALL WOMEN WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH ME
IT IS MY RESPONSIBILITY TO ACT UPON THEIR DESIRES

Women don't want to be percieved as desperate and/or slutty in front of their friends. So as long as she believes you will keep it a secret, you will get casual sex.

Wholesome Pretenders:
Some women will pretend that you are ‘offending them,’ and ‘turning them off’ if you are exhibiting Mode One behaviour.

"How can you usually identify a Wholesome Pretender? Anytime you approach a woman, and express a desire to be physically romantic or sexual with them in a Mode One manner, they will typically become very dramatic and theatrical in their response. “Excuse me??!” “I don’t believe you just said that!!” “Do you talk like this to ALL women??!” “You are SO forward!!” These are all common responses from your average WP. A key characteristic of WP behavior is that they will usually subjectively criticize your manner of expression, but they will never make an [immediate] attempt to stop interacting with you. The reason being, is that WPs don’t criticize you because your behavior truly “turns them off,” but they criticize you in order to give you the [false] impression that they are a “lady,” and that “respectable ladies aren’t supposed to be talked to in an unapologetically straightforward manner” (but deep down, they’re aroused and/or intrigued by such behavior).

The biggest thing to remember about WPs is that they thoroughly enjoy sex . . . even very kinky, casual, highly promiscuous sex, . . . but they also want very badly to avoid being labeled as “sleazy” or a “ho.” They will do just about anything to maintain the image and reputation of an “innocent,” “wholesome,” marriageable woman."

"Wholesome Pretenders and Erotic Hypocrites DESPISE the effectiveness of Mode One Behavior. They despise Mode One Behavior because they know it has the potential to expose them for who they really are, and what they really want."

"THE FEAR OF BEING "PLAYER HATED."

I have to get rid of this feeling. It's the same feeling that makes me shy when wanting to perform or show my best self. This is the number #1 cause of my not becoming great. I have the power, I have the potential, I even have the skills. But I have fear of people being jealous and hence not liking me.



"Rejection is not only inevitable, but it is necessary."

"rejection is necessary and beneficial."

I must go out and get rejected.

"My belief is, anytime every woman who meets you has nothing but good, positive things to say about you, that means that nine times out of ten, you’re not really being your true self with every one of them. When you’re truly being yourself, there is always going to be at least one characteristic about you that women are going to find undesirable and/or frustrating to their egos."

The big secret:
"You Cannot Allow Your EGO
To Become Too Attached To
Receiving SPECIFIC Reactions
And Responses From Women."

This means any kind of reaction!

"When you’re being self-confident, and self-assured, the only thing on your mind is identifying a desirable goal or objective, and taking whatever action you need to in order to achieve that goal or objective.
It’s your ego that causes you to become concerned with other people’s perceptions of what you’re saying, how you’re saying it, and when you’re saying it. Your ego causes you to become obsessed with how people respond to you, and your behavior."

"Some men spend their entire adult life attempting to prevent and/or avoid a number of subjective criticisms, opinionated insults, and personal ‘labels,’ such as “immature jerk,” “shallow womanizer,” or “rude asshole.” These “labels” mean nothing. People use these criticisms and insults in an attempt to manipulate you into exhibiting behavior that is more pleasing, flattering, and accommodating to them. Don’t allow yourself to fall into the tiresome, misleading trap of trying to avoid critical “labels.”"

"ANYTIME YOU PLACE MORE VALUE AND SIGNIFICANCE ON THE ATTENTION and COMPANIONSHIP OF A WOMAN, THAN YOU DO YOUR OWN, YOUR BEHAVIOR IS GOING TO BE WEAK."

"NO WOMAN’S TIME, ATTENTION, OR COMPANIONSHIP IS MORE VALUABLE THAN YOUR OWN."

"Talking too much. When you engage in too much trivial, irrelevant small talk, over a period of time, women will begin to look at you as more of a platonic friend more so than a potential romantic companion or lover."

YOU CANNOT CHANGE A WOMANS BEHAVIOUR, YOU CAN ONLY CHANGE YOURS!

"When you exhibit Mode Two Behavior, you tend to put too much emphasis on being perceived as a “gentleman,” and having a woman “like” you, and say good things about you to their other female friends. It’s these objectives that ultimately weaken the effectiveness of your verbal communication style. In reality, women don’t date you, or choose to have sex with you, because you’re ‘nice’ to them, say all the ‘right things,’ and/or leave a ‘favorable impression’ on them. Just because a woman ‘likes’ you, and thinks highly of your personality and behavior, does not necessarily mean that she wants to date you, or sexually aroused by you."

"Very rarely have I developed a long-lasting romantic or sexual relationship with a woman as a direct result of exhibiting Mode Two Behavior. One reason, is because deep down, women know that you’re attempting to play up to their ego."


"“You're scared, right? The way it works is, you do the thing you're scared sh**less of, and you get the courage AFTER you do it, not before you do it.”"

"Confidence and courage is not representative of NOT HAVING ANY FEAR(S), but rather, it’s TAKING ACTION DESPITE HAVING FEARS.'

"Only concern yourself with your behavior TOWARDS WOMEN.
Don’t even think about, or anticipate, whether or not you’re going to receive a “positive” or “negative” response from women. Concentrate only on expressing your true needs, desires, interests, and intentions. Let the response take care of itself."

"WHEN YOU EXHIBIT TOTALLY NON-MANIPULATIVE BEHAVIOR TOWARDS WOMEN, YOU BASICALLY FORCE THEM TO EXHIBIT TOTALLY NON-MANIPULATIVE BEHAVIOR TOWARDS YOU. This is the key factor that makes Mode One Behavior so effective."

From a woman:
"[...]you want to know what really turns me on in a man? What I really think makes a man ‘sexy’?? It’s a man who DOESN’T REALLY CARE WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF HIM."

Technique: Hold the image of having sex with her the whole time. Especially when she is criticizing you or igonoring you. Those are just tests.

"Small Talk: Any conversation that you engage in with another that is usually trivial and meaningless, but to some degree, entertaining; The content of the conversation has nothing to do with your needs, desires, long-term intentions, or true interests."

Mode One

Mode One - Let the women know what you're REALLY thinking



"Here is the fundamental truth regarding most male-female interactions: WE ALL WANT SOMETHING. The biggest lie you can tell yourself when you approach a woman who you’re romantically and/or sexually interested in is that you “don’t want anything” from this woman. YES YOU DO."

"When you know what you want from women, and you communicate your needs and desires to them in a confident, honest, and clearly understandable manner, this is representative of effective verbal communication."

"REAL behavior is behavior that is representative of your true and honest needs, thoughts, desires, interests, and intentions."


What women want, not what they think they want:

"[...]The biggest thing was that I kept repeating that comment in my head: “what she wanted to hear, but didn’t expect to hear.”"

"we all are interested in having some sort of need and/or desire fulfilled and satisfied when we interact with others, and in particular, women who we have some degree of romantic and/or sexual interest in."

About being manipulative:

"TRUST ME MEN: If you choose to play "The Game," WOMEN WILL PLAY IT BETTER. Women KNOW the game. Men THINK they know the game."

"THE ONLY WAY A WOMEN CAN MANIPULATE YOU IS IF YOU'RE EITHER DIRECTLY (intentionally) OR INDIRECTLY (subconsciously) TRYING TO MANIPULATE THEM."


I'm guilty of MODE TWO behaviour. Very true about my last relationship. I did all the right things to get her attracted and to be interesting. It was like magic, 100% correct. I just didn't let her know what my intentions were. The truth is I really wanted her in the beginning and then I just wanted to fuck her. Things would be probably different if I was just honest about what I think. I wouldn't be a virgin, I can guarantee that.

"Most dictionaries define ‘provocative’ as “arousing, or likely to arouse anger, interest, curiosity, or sexual desire.”

If you want to have anything beyond a platonic friendship with a female, something about your conversations and interactions with women has to be, to some degree, provocative."

"Mode Two men are honest with women only when they’re confident that it will provoke a positive, enthusiastic response from women."

"[...]anytime you’re expressing your true thoughts and feelings to a woman, you’re being SEXUAL"

Why you?

Have always something to say about:
Your neighborhood
Your job
Your favorite food
Travel
What you do for fun
Relationships

Why would she be genuinely lucky to be with you?

I need to rewatch this every now and then when I'm feeling I'm losing touch with reality http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OraQHpHvB3I.
If you know on a deep core level that you're great in bed and will give her immense pleasure, you will have pure inner game.

Just a thought: She wants you to be horny, but horny for HER. She must know that it is her that you want, not just sex. She needs to know that you desire sex with her and only her at this moment, not that you want to have sex with a woman that happens to be there.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V0oW6DxmgFw&mode=related&search=:
If you don't put a label on your relationship just say: "I like you and want to see you tomorrow" she will be with you.

the System

Stanislavsky system

I'm reading about an acting method. Very interesting, Stanislavsky made the same conclusions as me:

"He discovered that there is no inner experience without outer physical expression[...]"

How to get in the role?

"Stanislavski said that “Imagination creates things that can be or can happen.” An actor must develop her imagination and learn to think on any theme; this will help the actor to adapt easily to any role."

"An actor should not truthfully believe the reality of events on stage, but she should believe in the possibility of events. The “magic if” transforms the character’s aim into the actor’s aim. An actor must try to answer the question

“What would I do if I were…” so that she does not have to force herself to believe that she is an actual person in these actual circumstances. The “if” is particularly important, as it does not imply that any circumstances exist or are actually truthful. As an actor has no other source from which to draw experiences from except her own life, she must use her imagination to create events that she has not experienced. Stanislavski developed the use of the “magic if” in order to help the actor develop the imaginary and predicted circumstances."

"The “inner monologue” is the third imaginational technique developed by Stanislavski. This is an important procedure in consciously creating the subconscious thoughts that are the stimuli behind the physical actions. The
inner monologue must exist as inner visions in an actor’s head in order to produce a series of emotions and states of being “by natural organic processes.” I.e., the actor must create the thoughts that lie behind the dialogue."

"Emotion memory is also an important technique that can be used in the creation of a role. Recalling experiences in the actor’s own life which are similar to those the character is going through can help the actor to deepen her own thoughts and feelings, making her conscious thoughts and natural actions more realistic."

#1

I realized something today.
I can't really get into direct method. I can't get pass my fear just by will-power or whatever technique. I believe Juggler's method is the way to go, but I simply can't do it. I can't even start. The thing that actually gets me out and doing stuff is indirect, routines method. I have a lot of proof that this is not really good. I know that it is just a method of hiding insecurites. But hey, I have insecurities and this is what gets me to do things and makes me motivated. Better something than nothing. FOr the last 2 months I really didn't do anything because I was "training Juggler's method". Bullshit. Deeply inside I want to control people and everything I do in life is an indirect method of getting people to do what I want. Being direct and open with people is my greatest fear and one that I don't know how to tackle with. Probably the solution is to... just do it. You gotta hate self-help books.

Now that I know what to do I'm developing a bootcamp for myself. If it works I will glady help others with it (I'm looking forward to that). The whole bootcamp will be focused on getting outside of your social self (a version of Hypnotica's dildo on forehead experiment). Once in that position you can do things that you would never do and always wanted to. So here is the first task that I succesfully applied today:


#1 Stop thinking what other people think about you

In contrast to everyone in the whole self-help and pick-up community I won't make you do stuff like: "Stop thinking", "Realize that", "Know that", "Think as if", "Apply the frame of". All of this reinforces whatever is going bad inside your head. Thinking about thinking just makes you think more! Use your body to stop thinking. Make specific actions to stop thinking.
This excercise will hopefully eliminate one of the biggest problems there is for people. What you do is look people in the eyes. Every person you meet during the day, at work, at home, shops, street look them deeply in the eyes. On a busy street don't even not look at somebody for a second. Constantly look at people. In a city you should get hundreds of eye contacts a day. This is something that already has reprogrammed my brain a couple months ago but now I'm moving this a step forward. The purpose of this task is not to look in the eyes but to stop thinking what they think of you. The reason why you are not looking people in the eyes is because you are concerned of what they think of you if they catch you looking. To do this succesfully you must find a reason to make eye contact besides making eye contact! Don't ever think about making eye contact! So how?
What you do is get yourself into the state of... WONDER. This is the state that you were in as a child. Before you got any concepts in your head. Before there was a spearation between you and other people. Before you knew that eyes look at you. You get into this state because of the reason you are looking at the eyes. My reason is to simply find out what the color of their eyes is. That's it, that reason does it for me. I just look at peoples eyes and I forget about what they think about. Other reasons might be: making statistics about eye color, checking if they will look at you, noticing the shape of the eye, trying to figure out their emotion from their eyes, trying to make a reaction like smile, manipulating into doing something like facial expression etc.
This takes practice and I will do this daily.

Advice

The number 3 top dating advice for women:

1. Be handsome

2. Be attractive

3. Don't be unattractive

If you can't do it yourself, let someone else do it

Shit I thought about this a long time ago, but never really made any action. Here's a newsletter from Style:

"John,

I recently had dinner with Sacha Baron Cohen, the British comedian
and provocateur known for his Ali G and Borat characters. It was
the first interview he had done for his new Borat movie as himself,
rather than in character. And I learned an important lesson that I
want to share with you.

But before I do, a recommendation: If you haven't seen the Borat
movie yet, go see it. I don't think I've ever laughed so loudly
during a film since Terms of Endearment. And the publicity campaign
has been a work of art in itself.

Now, the tip:

Part of the genius of Sacha Baron Cohen is that he is able to put
himself into awkward situations, and let the tension build and
build without breaking it. For example, singing the "Kazakh
national anthem" (about how the Central Asian country is the number
one exporter of potassium and all other countries suck) to an arena
full of rednecks - and sticking with the song despite the booing
and even the possibility of violence.

Behind the scenes, Baron Cohen said, the police were called on the
crew several times. Yet even when faced with the threat of arrest
and deportation, he actually STAYED in his Borat character.

I then asked him if he'd be able to create all this tension, to
face all this humiliation, to risk even deportation as Sacha Baron
Cohen instead of in disguise as his characters Borat or Ali G.

His answer: No. Probably not.

And I thought: I should share this with you all.

When I was first learning the game, one of my biggest sticking
points was my voice. I talked too fast, too quiet, too mumbly. I
kept trying to speak more clearly and commandingly (even went to a
voice coach), but I just couldn't slow down to a significant
degree. Of course, any time you use the word can't or couldn't,
you're just setting yourself up to be proven wrong.

So Mystery and I decided to solve the problem by creating a
fictional character. He would be a slow-talking, ultra-suave,
super-cheesy lady's man. His name: Manwhore. His nationality: a
little island off the coast of wherever you'd like him to be from.

As soon as I started playing the part of this cheesy Don Juan and
adapted his slow trilling accent, my voice would actually become
completely commanding and intelligible. And so I'd actually go out
sometimes as Manwhore for fun, and use the voice. Because it was a
little silly, I even invented appropriate tongue-in-cheek lines to
go with it. I always thought it would be funny if I ended up taking
someone home without ever breaking from the Manwhore character -
and then shared it as a field report on the community message
boards, so that guys all over the world would start going out as
Manwhore and meeting women. Alas, it never happened.

With good reason.

But Manwhore did have his desired effect, and he showed me that I
could speak more slowly, clearly, deeply, and intelligibly. And
then I took the next step and began training myself to incorporate
the result into my regular speaking voice, a process which continues
to this day.

So...the lesson:

If you are finding it difficult to change - to approach groups, to
improve your posture, to be more sexual, to alter your style of
dress, to think of yourself as someone quality people want to be
around, or whatever your deep internal barrier may be - then have
SOMEONE ELSE do it for you. Find a character to model - whether it
be a character from a movie (or even a cartoon), a real person you
know, or a completely made-up individual. It doesn't have to be
someone who you admire completely: they just have to possess
a trait that you lack and desire.

Then, before you go out, become that person in your head. Walk like
they would walk, think like they think, see the world how they see the
world.

You don't have to go to the extreme of being Borat or Ali G, or
even Manwhore. And definitely don't take any situation to the brink
of arrest or violence like in the Borat movie. In fact, all you
have to do is pretend like you're a new person in your mind alone
- be it James Dean, Johnny Bravo, James Bond, Bugs Bunny, Jay-Z,
The Rock, David Letterman, Paris Hilton, Conor Oberst, the guy in
the infomercials with the question mark suit, or whoever has a
mannerism or point of view or trait you want and believe you lack.

Try it for a day. You may just find that you CAN actually take on
the thought patterns or behaviors you previously thought you
COULDN'T. And once your subconscious realizes this, it will
automatically begin the process of transferring this knowledge from
your fictional alter-ego to your actual self. And suddenly CAN'T
becomes CAN becomes YOU.

Til Next Time,

Manwhore
"

Use your body

What if you did your thinking, all your life wrong?
What if the body actually changes your thoughts and your states, not the other way around?

I think it is this way and I'm going to prove it.

All my life I want to stop thinking what other people think. Now what I was doing obviously didn't work. I tried to change my thinking... by thinking more. Not very zen. So what do I want to do now? This post gave me a clue on what to do: http://sexrevolutionblog.com/?p=181.
I need to look people in the eyes and just become interested in that. If I do that, the moment I'm really looking, I am outside my head and I really, sincerly don't care what they think.

The second thing is: I want to treat everybody the same. This is a recent concept and I want to try it out. How do I do this through the perspective of this post? I don't think about everyone the same way. I use my body to induce this thinking. I place myself the same way in front of everybody. I use the same body language, the exact same posture. I combine it with the above: I stand relaxed and look the person deeply in the eyes. That's all. I will train this, because it is not comfortable. Once this becomes a habit, I believe I will change the way I see the world and interact within.

My deepest fear

I am terrified of showing sexual interest in anyone.


There. I stated it. That is my deepest fear.

When I think of approaching women in an indirect way, I know that someday I can do it. It's a matter of skills and overcoming fear of approaching strangers and getting yourself in the line. But showing sexual interest is petrifying. If I can get over that I will become a MAN.
So what are my plans now? Of course show interest in a girl. But, in a way so that nothing interferes with the process. If I'm afraid to speak I must get that fear aside, brush it off for later and only confront myself with the fear of showing interest. I think confident eye contact and smile is good for a start. And I must be sure she knows what I mean.

The evolutionary advantage

When you're not taking a risk, what really is happening is you are not willing to accept the potential loss. So... there is nothing you need to change while thinking. Thoughts come automatically. It is what you do with them that counts. So ASSESS thoughts, be willing to take whatever negative things come up to you and DECIDE that you will do this no matter what.


-------------------

http://www.mysterymethod.com/forum/showthread.php?t=24638&highlight=Cartography+Hell

"The models we build are tools, that is their evolutionary purpose, and that is the evolutionary value of them. Otherwise they are just thought patterns that bounce around inside a person's head, and of no use to anyone. Thoughts that do not help you to interact with the real world have no benefit in helping you to survive, or to reproduce. This means that evolutionarily, they are dead ends."

If your thoughts bring you closer to accomplishing something you will feel good about them. That's why depressing thoughts depress you even more. It's bad to think that way for the organism.

"[..] if you get fixated upon the importance of any specific thing, you will be subtly consumed by a destructive addiction in which your entire internal world of thought is re-calibrated in terms of the emptiness of the thing you seek."


Negative emotions are there because your ogranism wants you to fight for life. It wants you to stop whatever you're doing and do what has evolutionary value. Stop trying to let go of the bad emotions, or trying to focus on something else. The negativity will be there until you do something about them. You cannot switch them off. If you feel bad about your life, don't watch comedies to get in a better mood, do something in this moment that will bring you towards a better life.

"This is the situation you face. It is a situation you face because you are a human being, and these things are hardwired into you by four million years of evolution. You cannot escape it, any more than you can run away from your own legs."

"Your fear is your compass - the things you are afraid of will always be the things that you need the most to confront to make yourself happy. Don't dodge around them. Don't work out coping strategies. Fight them like a fucking nutter. Fight them until you have beaten them all to death with the sheer force of your will, your courage, and all of the amazing strength of character that your evolution has placed at your disposal.'


---------------------

Why being yourself has evolutionary advantages:

http://www.mysterymethod.com/forum/showthread.php?t=23893&highlight=Cartography+Hell

Subliminal

I felt very confident today. No shy thoughts came to my mind. I didn't feel like this in the past 3 months. Finally. I listened to a subliminal anti-social-anxiety music the day before (http://free-subliminal.nlpweekly.com/overcome-shyness-social-anxiety/play.html). I guess it works.

Also I invented my new ultimate technique for inner game, it's called
HGVCR. I'll write about it some time later.

Being yourself

These 2 articles changed my decisions lately :
http://sexrevolutionblog.com/?p=145
http://sexrevolutionblog.com/?p=152
I realized I know too much and it is compromising me. I need to focus my attention on something else and let my social skills develop on their own now. I need to start from the very basics. If I'm not willing to get through the pain of learning I won't ever do anything. All the learning comes from fear that I need to be perfect first. I need to be perfect so I don't get hurt. And as I'm sitting here now, after a workout yesterday, my whole body is aching. I am in pain, I can barely move. I ate a lot of proteins and it wasn't very pleasant. I do all this IN SPITE of all the negative things. I don't even know if I'm gonna get to the end of the road of body building. The only thing I have is an image of my ideal self in my head. It is my road sign. Why can't I use this in pick-up? Why am I not willing to get through the pain in this part of my life while I can easily do it in others? It certainly isn't the pain that is stopping me. What IS!?


On another note:
I met this guy while standing in line today. He spoke to me which was unusual. I started observing him and I realized he is exactly the type of person I want to be. He was this social, cool, be-friend everybody guy. He had a constant smile on his face. His body language was totally relaxed. He looked at everybody as if they were his friends. He would talk like he was the center of attention bringing everybody to attention with his eye contact. He would talk EXACTLY the same way to EVERYBODY, to his girlfriend, to the guy in the shop, to me. He was just BEING HIMSELF with EVERYBODY. He ASSUMED that EVERYBODY LIKES HIM. That's it.


So getting back to the first part of this post.
I need to focus on being myself around everybody I meet during the day. Once I'm comfortable with that I can start adding technology that is already in my head.

A man which can attract

I've broken an invisible barrier. It happened some time this summer. Before that, because of my zero success with women I secretly thought I was sterile.
Today I am not very different in my interactions with girls but they happen on a totally new level. I finally make sexual communication. I am a sexual being, I know it and they know it. From this point anything can happen because I believe all is possible. A great lift has been carried off my shoulders. Whatever happens I know I can have women in my life. Most of all I don't have to be PERFECT.

Learning

Reading does not accomplish anything. Reading just gives you confidence that what you are doing is right. Real learning comes from observing other people. All the social skills that I have and especially the new ones, I observe, are direct rip-offs of people I know or watched. And I never learned this consciously. This is a very interesting subject and I am thinking that this is the only thing that is really important in self improvment (the other thing is imagining things you desire (this could also be the same thing, because as U.G. says there is no difference between what you see with your eyes open or closed because you can never really see (it's just thoughts, everything you experience is something translated for you by the brain))). I want to write about this more later.
But for now here are things I can do to improve myself by watching:
- watch comedians, comedies and sit-coms (my funniness comes from a specific point of view, a sit-com reality in my head, not from memorized lines)
- watch pick-up artists in action (seeing someone do something unimaginable shifts your reality totally)
- hang around with naturals and alpha men (you just adapt their body language and things they do)

Groaning

U.G.Krishnamurti

I have been studying this guy for a couple of months. He is really messing with my head.

"U.G.: Conditioning is tradition. The Sanskrit word for it is samskara. Tradition is what you are -- what you call you. No matter how you may modify it, it continues. In life everything is temporary, and the attempt to give continuity to conditioning -- which is based upon thought -- is pathological in nature. You treat the psychological and the pathological as if they were two different things. Actually there is only the pathological there. Your samskara, the conditioning that makes you feel separate from yourself and the world, is pathological.
Where is this conditioning you talk of ...? Where are the thoughts located? They are not in the brain. Thoughts are not manufactured by the brain. It is, rather, that the brain is like an antenna, picking up thoughts on a common wavelength, a common thought-sphere.
All your actions, whether thinking of God or beating a child, spring from the same source -- thinking. The thoughts themselves cannot do any harm. It is when you attempt to use, censor, and control those thoughts to get something that your problems begin. You have no recourse but to use thought to get what you want in this world. But when you seek to get what does not exist -- God, bliss, love, etc. -- through thought, you only succeed in pitting one thought against another, creating misery for yourself and the world.
When the thought structure, pressed into the service of fear and hope, cannot achieve what it wants, or cannot be certain, it introduces what you call "faith". Where is the need for belief, or its alter-ego faith? When your beliefs have gotten you nowhere, you are told you must cultivate faith. In other words, you must have hope. Whether you are seeking God, or bliss, peace of mind, or, more tangibly, happiness, you end up relying on hope, belief, and faith. These dependencies are the tokens of your failure to get the results you desire."

A day earlier before reading this I had a vision. I was thinking about consciousness and that it is an attachment to the brain. Something new that evolution picked up. In quantum physics there is something like the Observer. The very fact that there is an observer changes physical properties of molecules. Now I imagined that there are like "observers" floating around the universe and each brain of a human captures an observer like this and that becomes "you", consciousness of humans. An observer is like an object, but without properties. Something like gravity. It is something that is there. The organism uses gravity to balance itself and also it uses observers for
conciousness.

I have no better explation of this. That was just my vision. Einstein probably imagined things like this before he went on calculating equations.
And now I read U.G. and I'm thinking that there might be just one conciousness. It is like a radio signal and the rain just taps into it. The signal is thoughts. Or one long, never-ending thought. The super-consciousness of all human beings.
There are two interesting facts about this. One is that you can have all the esources you can imagine, all the thoughts of every human that has ever existed and the ability to create everything from that. Two, there is nothing more than this wave signal, there is no "you", it is an illusion and you don't have to care to "succeed" because it is not your problem. This illusion is the attachment. It's like a hook used by the brain. It makes up an illusion that you control your actions through thoughts, because if it wouldn't seem like that it would lose the signal. This is what happens to enlightened people like U.G.. They lose the attachment to the consciousness.

So what's the conclusion from this thinking? Don't attach excessive meaning to anything because it is not your problem. This organism knows how to live and how to survive.

"The body, which is only interested in survival and procreation, treats both pain and pleasure alike. It is YOU who insist on stopping pain and extending pleasure. The body's response to both pleasure and pain is the same -- it groans"

Reward from your master

I haven't been going out since the last blog entry so... I have been doing a lot of thinking instead. Something that I'm good at lol.
Also I have renewed my Myspace experiment. I want to see what stuff works. Now I'm using simple techniques to try to get the phone number as quickly as possible. I'm still not commited to actually getting a date and going to it but we'll see.
I realized I don't have the feelings of awkwardness that I had a couple of months ago when messaging random people. It felt stupid back then and I rationalized it and the feeling had gone after a couple tries. I will try to do this at every step of the interaction I get into. I hope this will have relevance in real life then. I think it does. If not it's still an excellent tool fo practicing flirting.

Shit... I have been trying to remind myself for the last 5 minutes what I was really gonna write about. Some strange paradox I have come up to.

2 things.
Working on my passions really makes me happy. Girls don't.
I'm willing to sacrifice my happiness to get the girls.
Happiness is a measure of are you doing the right thing from the organisms point of view.

That last thing is a new thing to my equation. Basically good feelings are rewards from your brain for you. If you think about the right things you get a reward. That's why if you think for example about what you don't have you feel bad. It's not productive to think about bad things. The brain is keeping 'you' for a reason. You are there for the brain and for the whole organism. Not the other way around. It wants to use you to fulfill its needs. The organism wants benefit from you. So you must do the right thinking. And if you do that it rewards you with feeling good.
Now I know that living in the NOW is good. I was afraid that it is an illusion. That this creates happiness but it is just a feeling there that can destroy my vision and goals. The reality is the organism is making you feel good because living in the now, or meditating is the RIGHT WAY OF THINKING.

So back to my equation. I'm willing to sacrifice happiness... but I really don't have to. If I am unhappy in persuading girls it is just because I am thinking or doing the wrong thing. Or the person is wrong and I must change something. That's all.
This organism (me) wants girls too (heck it's the reason it exists) and it knows way better than me how to get them, without reading Double Your Dating. I'm just making it harder because of my thinking. And that's why I feel bad when I overthink and don't do what's right.

The original feeling

I found out a new technique for motivation. This was done after a lot of
thinking on how the brain works. A while ago I realized that I do things
because I DECIDE to do it. This is true but the fault of it was that I thought
deciding is a logical process. Well it is an emotional thing. For example: we
are sure of something only when we have a feeling of "sureness". So this
brings me to the question of - how to do something, something that you want.
Well you have to have an emotional reason for it. Here's the technique (which
needs to be field tested btw, I used it only on simple stuff and there is
always the risk that new techniques always work because they are interesting
for the brain and it is willing to try it out at least once):

I'll use a general example of approaching a lady.
When you first see a woman you get a gut feeling about her. This can be
anything from a variety of emotions: "I want to do her", "I wonder what's she
about?", "I wonder if she would be a good wife?" etc. Now if that was the only feeling you would get cold approaching would be done
automatically. This is why the 3-second rule works for many guys. But for me,
I have a very hyper-active hippocamp or whatever it is called (the part of the
brain that regulates your social behaviour) and it blocks those feelings and
replaces it with others that prevent you from approaching. Now there are many
ways to deal with bad feelings. You have to get rid of them. You do it by ACCEPTING them. After that they just flow out as useless pieces of data. What you are left then is... nothing. I had this problem a couple months ago. My confidence was at the top of the world and yet still I didn't approach. I didn't have any EMOTIONAL REASON for it. So if there was no reason, there was no gain. If there was no gain, there could be only loss. Hence nothing can be done! So the solution is something I am proud of.
When you get rid of the negative feelings you have to get back to that original feeling you got when you first saw the person, for example: "I want a piece of that". That emotion will make you approach.

Now I will go and test this, hopefully return with a positive report of some kind.

Strike 2

I don't GIVE my qualities and MAKE a woman feel something for me. I HAVE these

QUALITIES and that's why they want me.
The buyer needs my qualities and I need to sell them properly.

--------------------


Feelings that might be caused by bad doyles (I need to trace these out):

Feeling sleepy at social events


--------------------------

I'm so excited. I found out what I screwed with my HB and why she isn't
contacting me. This blog by a chick explains all
http://nycpolly.blogspot.com/2006_05_01_nycpolly_archive.html.
Women seek validation when they talk about feeling bad or talking about their
insecurities. As a man I naturally am disgusted by it or shove it away or offer a logical solution. Wrong, wrong, wrong!
Just validate them and voila!

"
Me: i took them. somehow this process has bummed me out a bit. Not sure why, but ya can't control your emotions... (looking for validation)
IBF: I could tell. (strike one)
Me:Sorry to be a downer. (again, looking)
IBF: It's okay hon. (strike two)
Me: I know. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'll get over it. (looking again)
IBF: Well... it's okay to feel like that. We can talk about it later if it'll help. (Yes, finally.)
Me: You're wonderful, you know that? (Reward for validation)
IBF: I'm just me hon.
Me: No nausea btw. I feel fine. How's your day goin? (more reward)
IBF: Going okay... just plugging along... kind tired. How are you feeling? Any better? Are the pills making you sick? I'm so concerned. (Yes! Perfect!)
Me: Awh. You're sweet. I'm feeling fine actually. No side affects yet. And am feeling better emotionally.
IBF: Rain rain rain. Bored.
Me: I have stomach cramps. :-( (HELP! THIS IS BAD!!)
IBF: Yucky hon. How are you otherwise.
Me: Otherwise ok but the cramps suck. :( (YOU DIDN'T HEAR ME, THIS IS BAD!!!)
(later) IBF: Stomach feeling any better?
Me: A bit. Dancing helps. I think I'll be fine.
IBF: Well... Get some rest.... I'm gonna call it an early night. I'm beat. I hope you're feeling better. Talk to you tonight. Of course you can crash if you're not up to going home... That offer stands.
(When was this offer raised? I don't want to crash, I want lovins. Reassurance. Emotional support.)
Me: I should prob go home. And you prob need a break from me. :)
(This is where he's supposed to respond: A break from you? No, don't need that EVER.)
"

So if she complains about something, I just say "I think you're wonderful.".

Actually the above situation was strike 2 for me (or maybe strike 3?).
The first one was when she texted me something along the lines: "I'm off from
work chilling out". That's all. I played it cool and texted her I'm busy. She
wanted to talk then. She wanted reasurance that we're going to meet or sth.
Hm now I see why relationships are a totally different game. The real problem
is that I am looking for fun and she is looking for cracks in her search for
in ideal boyfriend.

---------------

How to eliminate desire?
Accept the fact that you want her!

Juggler's genius

Christian Carter:
Here are a few examples of the advice you'll
hear from the people around you:

- Act a little "bitchy" because men secretly like
it

- Go hang out where "good men" are likely to be
and you'll meet a great guy

- Be active, have fun and keep a busy and
interesting life of your own

- Don't act clingy or needy

- Don't expect to meet any good men in bars,
clubs, party places, etc.

- Meet men while doing things you like to do so
you have similar interests

- Let him initiate... wait for him to call you or
ask you out

- Play a little bit "hard to get"


-----------------------------------------------------

Juggler method forum:


APPROVAL REVERSE - Start giving approval


"So the thing you do when you talk is that you are approval giving instead of approval seeking. This comes down to that you don't need other people to like you. But you want other people to like you.
That's the key of skipping seeking approval. And instead start giving approval. Since you know that by giving approval people will like you. If the approval is genuine."

"The Alpha of the group is not the one doing all the talking, but the one everyone wants to talk to. Be approval giving not approval seeking. It makes sense that people will like you if you give approval! You just have to do it at the right time so they feel they deserve it.

There is less pressure on me because I don't have to talk more than anyone else in the group. I just need to reward and relate enough so people want to talk to me.

This is a great idea. I can't wait to put it into action!"


"For me being quiet isn't attached to your personality. The reason people are quiet is because they don't feel comfortable to express their personality. There values and their inner feelings. There view of seeing things.
The way to start being comfortable expressing your personality is by learning how to communicate and communication works."


--------------------------------

Why do people want me if I disqualify myself?
I have been great at this all my life.

You just need to unlearn

What if there was nothing to learn?

What if I could just be myself?

.
.
.

I was watching Conan O'Brain this night and was observing him talking to people. I thought "Hey I can do that" and I realized have been excellent all my life. I have had a great conversational style all my life. I have somehow lost it now. I always flirted with women in a specific way, being a goof ball, acting dumb. Now that I look back at it I see that women were attracted to my personality when I did that. What if I could just do that. Make a method out of it. Just go up to women and be that guy, have that old funny style and then progress things further with the new knowledge.
I am slowly starting to realize that I really need to unlearn stuff. There is just stuff that I need to throw out of me. If I could just walk up to girls and be assertive in my interaction and lead it to where I want I could do whatever I'd want to. Just be myself.
I need to sarge random girls and just start talking, develop my game naturally. Tap into that frame of mind when going out.

Juggler method

A guys mistake in LTR. He was losing his frame:

http://www.mysterymethod.com/forum/showthread.php?t=21726
"I relied exclusively on my girlfriend for validation.
Without anymore validation coming in from other women, I started to slowly rely on my girlfriend for my validation… Exclusively."

I need to meet other women.




-=======================

Juggler's Seduction School MP3 breakdown


Don't drink alcohol (diet coke, water on the rocks)

Anxiety is built on time - just go and talk to the first person that looks friendly

Have an open mind - build attraction, don't seek it

Juggler:

Friendly, I like meeting people vibe
"Hi, you look interesting so I've decided to come sit next to you, what's your name"

"So what is it like living in London?"

Statement showing that you're really interested + question.

"Since I love meeting new people you've got to tell me everything about yourself"

Have something to say about every topic that comes up. Try to pick out stuff from her, be genuinly interested in the topic.

"What got you into riding horses?"

Show that you're impressed. Make them feel good.
"How does it feel being on top of a 2 ton beast? I would be totally scared"

"So who are you with here?"

"I thought your boyfriend would come and beat me up because I'm hitting on you or something..."

"Really? You're an adventure girl."

Disqualify yourself.

"I can climb like a meter."

"How do you feel about american guys?"

"Where have you travelled?"

"So can you teach me how to rock climb?"

"How do you call a..."


Johnny

"Hey listen we should go grab a drink ... but only if you pay"

"That's so rude" response -> "If my mom heard me saying that she would upset too"

"I buy a drink for you, you buy a drink for me and we'll surprise each other"
"You gotta surprise me"

"So what were we talking about?"

"You never told me what is your passion?"

"Hang around with friends..."

"That's actually really cool. I miss my friends in ..."

"What do you do for a living?"

"What do you study?"

"I actually remember the first day before school I was really nervous."

"What else do you wanna talk about?"

"I love talking to my friends, what are you guys talking about?"

"What's your relationship situation?"

Innuendos indicating that she is hitting on you.
"Don't be pressumptious"

"What's the guy of your interest?"

"By looking you deep into your eyes, I have to say you're the least attractive girl I've ever met"

"You're dirty, I like that... not that much though"

"How do you and your friend know each other?"

"Where's your favourite place to travel?"

[A lot of good looking men down there] "I would fit in horribly then I guess"

"Now you're making me want to go to France, I don't know why?"

"I knew that would happen, I would give you a compliment, you would get a big head, and then I would regret dong it"

"So we should go to France"
"Together?"
"No not together, separetaly"
"I ment serendipitisly we would run into each other"
"You're so forward"
"Yeah whatever"

"Put in your phone number ... so you don't forget our plans for France"


Juggler:

Be a bit rude, like a friend.

"How do you guys all know each other? Is that your girlfriend ... no? Good I'm gonna hit on her, I'm gonna put my moves on her"

What kind of woman do you like?

"Tell me a joke"
"OK I'll tell the first joke ... now it's yor turn"
"I love women that make me laugh, I find that very sexy"

"So what's the most exciting thing you've done today?"

-- mine "What age are kids the cutest?"

"Tell me something else that is interesting"
"Because I'm lazy"
"Who you here with?"
"I'm gonna go meet your friends and convince them to buy me a drink"

"Do you chat up random women?"
"Only the cute ones"
"But don't get a big head though"
"What is your relationship situation?"
"Friends warn me about single girls, she's single? She must psychotic"

"Ask me a question"

"We made out last week, I can't believe you can't remember"

"Where are you from?"
"I can't tell you, I have to show you"

"Put out your hand"

"I don't think you're friendly, I think you're sexy"

"I pay for the... if you pay for the..."

Be the Prince Charming

All my life I have been approval seeking in social situations. Now it has left me a lot of neural networks that work to "read peoples" minds. So when I'm focusing on the needs of the person I tend to be very manipulative.

I can shift my thinking by shifting states! I have to train this, especially in social situations. It's like changing a lense on a camera.
If I shift states I get different meaning so I act differently.


Pook:
The need of the woman is a prince charming:
"The first step in becoming the Prince Charming every woman dreams of is to THINK OF YOURSELF AS A PRINCE."
I must change my state to that and all will follow.

Only through failure I can learn. I embrace pain and failure!

"I know, I know. I can hear you saying, "But I must worry about mistakes or else I'll have another 'learning experience' on my hands."

This is a GOOD THING. Let us say that, in a normal conversation, you came across a word you did not know how to pronounce. Most people will utter the word softly for fear of criticism. This is stupid. Say the word LOUD! Let me repeat, say the word LOUD! If you are wrong, you will be corrected. Clearing up mistakes is ALWAYS a good thing and should NEVER be feared.

The same applies with dating. Do not date with hesitation and shyness; date with all conviction. Remember, the biggest risk you can take in life is not to take any risks at all."

-----------------------------------------------------------


All the do this, don't do that's in mind that are coming up when I'm thinking of a specific issue are really just my parents voice coming up. I need to bet on myself and only then I can succeed.

Power of the salesman

I have had trouble lately with my girl. If a relationship is not moving forward it is going backwards. That is exactly what is happening. I've been feeling really down about this lately. I can turn this around and feel good about it because I learn A LOT from my mistakes.

"The greatest secret of life is, in order to get something you can't need to have it."

I finally understood what is the difference between a good salesman and a bad one. Focusing on the needs of the buyer.
Of course I knew this for a long time but haven't actually realized what I was doing right and what I'm doing wrong. For example: Getting into a sexual state to attract a girl is different than being a horny asshole. Being sexually attractive is focusing on the needs of the girl because that is what she wants, she wants a sexual man. But being horny and thinking only about touching her and becoming mad at all failed attempts or her doing something that turns you off, or her talking to much is exactly AFC behaviour. It is focusing on your needs. I want instant gratification and sex.
And that is exactly what is preventing me from achieving it.
So what I must do in my future interactions is set a goal of escalating the relationship. Getting into sexual state and escalating sexually but only by focusing ON HER NEEDS. And using that as a SOURCE of inspiration and MOTIVATION. To be focused like this I need to be confident. I'll arrange all meetings so that I am comfortable and confident. From that place of power I can do things to make her want me.
My brain will come up with ways to achieve this, I have to take control and responsibilty of what I'm doing and accept the loss that might happen because of what I will do. There will be no fear if I accept to move on because of failure.

PS. This feeling of control that I want to project is the same as sexual state! I feel it now. The big thing I didn't realize until today was: how can I be myself if I only focus on the needs of other people. I thought that is approval seeking. It is not! Approval seeking is your need! For ex. I say something to get a reaction and to feel good about what I said. Fuck that! Giving what people want is and not expecting anything in return is the definition of CHARM. That is what attracts people. I feel like I turned some wheels in my head and this is what I'm going to focus on in the next days/weeks until it becomes a habit.

In the head

FUN is my only goal. Expectations leads to pain.
Turn every experience into an adventure.

Great advice from MM Forum:
"Let her know that you are pleased to see her - remember - every emotion you want from her begins with you.
You are the leader, you are the man. Never forget it!"


=============

Everything is in my head. I completely turned around my thinking of a situation in a couple hours. Mostly through reading which changed my beliefs about the subject.
I've replaced a feeling of despair with a feeling of hope. This is what I did a year ago after reading Double Your Dating. New insights give a feeling of hope and a decision to try them out is extremely motivating and makes you feel good. I will keep this emotion.

Update

Just a small update to remind myself what has been going on. Acually I don't write a lot about my problems lately because there haven't been any. I have been really enjoying myself. As I've written a couple months ago:

"All social problems come from trying to be somebody else."

Which is just paraphrasing "be yourself". But it has gotten a lot of meaning to me lately. There is nothing realy I need to learn, I am complete. There is just baggage that I need to drop. I'm willing to drop everything now. I have been playing around with doyletics and sedona lately. Also I'll be testing some new ideas from a Hypnosis book by Rossi.

The thing that worries me on a logical level is that I have let go of any goals that I had. I don't really care about success. I wonder if letting go of emotions will help me achieve my goals. I am willing to sacrifice my well-being for achieving my goals.

Looking back

I was re-reading my blog entries from the past 3 months. I was really in a
different state then I am in now. I don't even understand some stuff I did. One
thing really struck me. I think it is the greatest piece of wisdom I wrote
about doing things and achieving goals:

IDENTIFY WITH THE PROCESS, NOT WITH THE NEEDS.

This came a day later after I read this depressing, sad but true line from PJE:
"The greatest secret of life is, in order to get something you can't need to have it."

The second piece if wisdom is: REVERSE SHYNESS.
It's my little technique which produced a tremendous change in me. I don't know really how I got it working but it changed my thinking. The basis for it is this paraphrased text from Gunwitch: "Realize that people think more about what you think of them than they think of you".

The third thing I got is something funny. I have a constant debate about who's in control of me. Is it ME or MYSELF. Conscious or subconsious. I still don't know but judging from my experience in the past months:
- conscious decisions make concrete changes (a lot is done by accepting that you will feel pain)
- unconscious acting makes best action (but it only works if I'm comfortable, and I'm comfortable only if the situation is not new)

a-ha

I want to do Speed Trace properly now.

"FOCUS on the PROCESS, not the PROBLEM"

"Do not attempt any traces of your problem until you LEARN to DO the SPEED

TRACE. That's what this exercise will focus on."

"DO NOT TRY TO CONCEPTUALIZE ANYTHING DURING THIS PROCESS!"

I want to get rid of this tension that stops me from being loud around people. This will be my goal, I'll attempt it in 1-2 days when I learn to use this.

I can't find any food I dislike. What I've noticed in the past year is that my food preferences constantly change. As if every step that I take to free myself psychologically changes my taste.

"The best thing for you to do is to wait until the problem comes up naturally and do the trace on the spot. Few problems come up that you can't trace on the spot with a little ingenuity. If people are around, you can say, "Wait, I'm thinking." Then say the speed trace silently and go down the time marks. Or better, just walk away from the group or person, doing the trace while you do so. Whatever way makes sense for you in the given situation is the best way to proceed."

"How is it possible to ride a bicycle?"

!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my god. I've just realized I've been trying to analyze EVERYTHING. I can't describe in detail how my brain works. I need to focus on what works now, how will come later. Trying to understand how certain techniques work prevents me from using them succesfuly!

==============

After a day of thinking what to test the speed trace I found some old english mustard. I felt sick after eating it. I made the speed trace and nothing
changed. I don't know if I'll find anything more, maybe I'll just start
tracing real doyles and see what happens.

==============

I realized yesterday that I am seeking approval in EVERYTHING I do in social
situations. And the big A-HA was when I realized all that I'm NOT doing for
approval is what really makes friends and gets people attracted to me.
For example I hear a person likes show X, I don't remember fully it so I go
back home and watch it and memorize stuff so I can talk about it later. First of all, this is hard work. Second, of all IT NEVER WORKS! The stuff that works
(attracts people to me) is only the stuff that comes out of me naturally, when
I'm being who I am, when I share MY OWN passions and LOVE OF LIFE.
This is what I want to do - share a little bit of passion in my communication. I decided to change a little my goal of becoming talkative. Talkative is a bad
word for my subconsious, what is it really? What I really want is to EXPRESS
MYSELF whenever I want to. If I want to state an opinion I will do it. If I
want to complement somebody I will. If I want to sing I will sing. If I want
to dance like a monkey in front of somebody I WILL FUCKEN DANCE LIKE A MONKEY
BECAUSE I WANT TO!!!

Why doing is important

Only from the position of "I am the master of my fate" can I make changes. I'm feeling like this today. Even if things don't go well I place blame on myself
and I can fix it and it doesn't change my emotional state. Here are my thoughts from the last few days:

I wrote a while ago that emotional "State can be changed only by action
alone". I've been experimenting with this. For example I was trying to stop
negative thinking. I caught myself doing the same thing as always, trying to
overthink it. So I decided to just change my physique. I started smiling. Then
automatically some music started playing in my head and it was IMPOSSIBLE to
think negative. I need to find more things to do to change certain emotional
states.

I have had a certain regression in my confidence with my interactions with my
girl. Actually I never had confidence. All my confidence comes from things I
did in the last year, namely approaching strangers and group interactions. I
have a certain level of competence in this area which gives me confidence but
when I'm alone with a girl I feel like I'm 8 years old again and I really have
to hide it.
The thing is confidence comes from action alone. In the last few months I
have been going out and forcing myself to break through comfort zones. If I
had a look at my progress of what I actually did according to my goals I made
like 1% of them. The funny thing is after each failure I felt better than
ever. I felt stronger because I was DOING something. I have been struggling with the DO part all these months so why did I feel great? I think just trying to make progress makes you more confident. Every time and effort spent on doing something gives you something back. And it is not the thing I really want... but something better. I now think that all the self-help gurus are so fulfilled not because they
have amazing techniques or methods but just because they are trying to improve
themselves every minute of the day. That trying gives strength. So I will DO things no matter if I get what I want or not or even if I actually do something at all.

My level of well-being is a good indicator of if I'm going in the right
direction. I haven't felt great during the past weeks. I thought that maybe
having a relationship is not my lifestyle but really it's because I haven't
made any progress in myself. I'm new to this so I still have to find WHAT I need to
improve and what to DO about it.

Feeling <->Thinking, Feeling = Thought ?

Secrets of the Alpha Male:

"You are not put here to discover yourself… you are here to CREATE yourself."

"Anger is excitement. Love is excitement. Envy is excitement. Lust is excitement.
Greed is excitement. Take all the cardinal sins and make them your high-octane,
spitfire, explosive POWER to do what you want with your life.
The only thing that separates us Alpha Men from the Sheep of the world is our
action orientation, and that starts with our internal level of excitement. Harness it and
use it for yourself."

GET FUCKIN PISSED OFF!
Resons from the book!:
"- People who just won’t stop talking
- Women who just won’t stop talking"

Shyness leads to controling the ANGER. I need to let go of it. I'll try to find the reason for holding it back tonight.

Carry notes with you, about stuff that pissed you off. Use it for motivation.




============================================


Tao of Stevie:
This something to play around with: (I might be good at this)
"Have fun playing around with themes. Be enthusiastic. Once you have a decent
mastery of how they can work to help your conversation and patterning you will find you rarely run out of things to say. With mastery you can take almost any idea that
you create or she gives you and link it to a useful theme, which in turn can be linked
to a more intimate (Stage 3) way of speaking."

Don't use "what's up?" in the initial meeting - launch into something like you have just stopped talking.

"I’ll spend maybe half an hour doing my warm up, sometimes a little more, sometimes
a little less. Here is an example of a story I’ll tell during a warm up so as to give you a
concrete example of what I am talking about. I’ll go into a shop and ask the assistant
this:
“Hi (smile) I ‘m wondering about your opening hours, because I know some shops
have different opening hours on different days ... ""

"There was a cute HB in the line ahead of me. I used
the 3 seconds rule and said the first thing that came to me. It is better to say
something than to say nothing. I asked her if she was in the line. She was, so I
decided to tell her a brief story to show my personality to her. I told her how
sometimes I can’t tell if someone is in the line or not, that a few days ago I
was in the line for the ATM and there were loads of people ahead of me and I
stood waiting for ages until I realised they were all waiting for this one guy
who was using it and had now finished and were chatting near the machine for
10 minutes! She laughed."

============================================

PJE:
"... when you stay focused on the "mmmm" feeling, you don't really notice the obstacles that much. They're just noise, a blip on the radar screen. A minor distraction or annoyance."

" thoughts lead to feelings lead to actions"

"... when you learn to use your feelings correctly, you'll realize a bad feeling means it's time to change your thinking."

Welcome

Juggler:
Anti-Desperate Defense not Anti-Slut
This is how you explain women!!! Juggler is a genius.

"I think that the way you describe your poetry is sexy. You better stop that cause you're turning me on."


Always do YOUR best.
If I know I did my best at the moment I won't be caught in negative thought. Fight negative thinking!

Sedona: Welcome every emotion.
I did some Sedona techniques yesterday and I made a change in me. I've been welcoming every emotion and I feel great. I haven't been more productive because of it but I feel better.
This is the thing I always wonder about which makes me quit techniques like this. If I fully accept myself will I change? I will experiment with this. For now I will welcome all feelings and just live happily and after some time (weeks) I will evaluate if I made progress in my recent goal (becoming talkative).

-----------------

I read the previous post and I realized it wasn't that bad as I wrote about it. I was writing that while in a bad mood. I'm in a good mood now so I remember something different. Interesting.

It's all about my state.

State change

Power is built on failures.


I went out with my girl for dinner. I can't really control my nervousness, I was in a bad mood. It affects my speech patterns and I'm not confident enough to carry on a conversation by myself. All stuff that I think of saying vanishes or when I remember it I say it without any emotion and I speed through it. This is all because I'm not comfortable. I need to plan things in detail. If I lose control I start giving away my power and that directly affects my mood. I need to plan little things that I will do without hesitation, just because.
Here is the revelation of today:

STATE IS CHANGED DIRECTLY BY ACTION ALONE.

I was tired of her talking so I deliberatly made the decision to shutup and just stare blank somewhere else. She was forced to continue the conversation on a different topic. That gave me power and immediately it changed my state to the point where I wanted it to be. Stuff like kissing happens by itself when I am in the mood for it. If I don't really want it I feel resistance and it doesn't feel natural. I must plan the interaction so that it leads to a point where it is natural. Also I must plan little "attacks" which I will do no matter what, just to show power and DO IT.

Long post

I must remind myself that I allow things to happen. It is not me that does things. So make the intention, visualize to act and then LET IT HAPPEN. All comes naturally if I do things this way.

I'm on my path to become more talkative. Here are some key things that naturally talkative people do:

- they love the sound of their own voice
- they have low standards of what they are saying
- they don't seek any reaction from what they are saying
- they speak whatever is on their mind without analyzing
- they tak because they like to, not because they want something or they want to please the other person.


Today I told a long story, about 3 minutes. The act of doing this automatically takes you into the state. It's totally fun, even if the story is not good the telling gets you into a good mood, just seeing any good reactions. So this will be my goal for every meeting. Have 1 or 2 stories to tell, make an intention to tell them without interuption, just tospit it out.

All is well when I have the frame of screening the girl and knowing that I have more options.

My number 1 mistake right now is nervousness. I need to relax. Work-out before a meeting or/and meditate and release all expectations.

Always plan and control the dates. Plan out even the boring ones so you control when it happens and it doesn't occur unexpectantly with you left wondering what went wrong. If you control every interaction you will know what went wrong.

----------------

Carlos Xuma - Dating Black Book

"[...]almost never think about when
you’ll get a date or have sex next, and that’s when you’ll be able to get it more. You only want sex so badly because you aren’t getting it."

Fuck my desires.

"Another part of the Principle of Truth is that what you really want to happen is what
actually happens."
"We almost always mistake wanting something
for wishful thinking, especially when it comes time to do what it takes to get it."

"[...] emotions are only present when you are not acting to realize your worthy goals. These feelings come up as a result of our post-facto analysis, but they are rarely grounded in reality."
Instead of dealing with negative emotions, take action and the emotions will be irrelevant.

Trust? This is a part I want to work on - "Her willingness to risk that you won’t hurt her like other guys have"

"If you consistently do the things that winners do, you will get the same results."


“Jackie, I’ve been nothing but nice to you for the last two weeks, going out with you and
you’re not very open. Before I decide to call this quits, I wanted to tell you that I see your tough act on the outside, and I know that’s a façade. I can see through your smoke screen. Deep
inside, you want to reach out and be appreciated, but you’re afraid to trust. I’d hate for you to miss out on the wonderful opportunities in life, but we might have to stop seeing each other if we can’t get past this.”
"get past this.”
Call women on their behavior with direct language, and you will be amazed at how
powerful the results are, especially if you are able to describe their emotional reaction in a way they have not been able to."

"The more you do the things that unsuccessful people won’t do, the more successful you will be."

"What almost all of our fears boil down to, in essence, is a fear of displeasing others. At
the root of our fears in life, we learned from an early age that we don’t want to get anyone angry with us. It started with our parents, and ever since then, we’ve been a slave to the approval of others."

"Pretend that the world is your party.
Act as if you are the host. Because, in reality, no one else is any more than you."

"What would you dare to do if you knew you could not fail?"
There can be no failures. what would I do if all actions had positive outcomes? I would TAKE ACTION.

"Cultivate the strength to do what you know you need to, and if you do, you’ll win."

Mixed signals:
"Kiss her or hug her, then push her away to do something else."
"Occasionally do things that are out of character, such as choosing a chick
flick to go see, or go to an offbeat restaurant. Defy her expectations."

"Whenever you are talking with a woman (or women), you are flirting."
There are no non-sexual encounters. Train flirting with EVERY WOMAN you meet.

Dates:
"
What you must do is come up with mini-adventures. Your job is to create an interesting
experience that she is interested in joining in with you. Some examples of meetings after the
first rendezvous:
- Games – take her to a miniature golf course, or a pool hall, or an arcade.
- Local Shops – find a strip of unusual stores to take her to. Underground CD
shops are great because they have an interesting culture, plus there is a lot
of stuff to browse through.
- Flea markets, bazaars, or fairs – These are also interesting as they offer
some interesting things to browse and buy.
- Cooking demonstration – there are a lot of stores now that offer cooking
classes or demos.
- Any places with a strange or dramatic background – castles, old houses,
ruins. There was a place near where I lived growing up called White Lady’s
Castle, where a ghost reportedly walked the grounds. Oddly, that’s where
many of the teenagers went to have a little action.
- The Photo Shoot – Get a digital camera (or a real one, if that’s all you have
available) and go out for a little experimental photography. This plays on her
vanity, flattering her and making her feel important and beautiful that you’d
want to have her as a subject. Trust me, you don’t even have to be very good
at taking pictures. (Hell, you don’t even have to have film in the thing.) Just
have fun.
"

"Just say, “I had a great time,” and then leave."

Leave here "A voicemail with a short, open-ended message (“What are you thinking about right
now, as you hear my voice?” Click.) Mystery."

"Jump, and the Net Will Appear"

"You should aim for touching her just a little less than she wants to touch you."
This is what I'm doing, lol.

"the only thing you can control in a relationship is your own thinking and behavior"

"Wait until the mood passes before you do something you may regret.
If it really needs to be said or done, you’ll still want to when you’re in a good mood."
"When in doubt about the possible impact of your actions on a woman, doing nothing is best.

"The one who cares the least controls the relationship."

"On the other hand, when a man doesn’t get any
release for a week or two, he’s much more vigorous and lively. He has more energy to channel."
The ejaculations might be a problem of my recent low energy. But I'm regaining it now.
"find a comfortable balance that gives you the motivation to take action"
Too much restraint causes me too act stupid.

"The opposite of courage isn’t cowardice … it’s conformity."

-------------------

If I feel down, I just don't remember how great I am. Do some activities that will remind you of that best self.

Never make decisions in a bad mood!

About doing work that you don't feel like doing:
Resistance comes from not knowing what you're going to do. Make a detailed plan of what you will do and then just let yourself do it.