a-ha

I want to do Speed Trace properly now.

"FOCUS on the PROCESS, not the PROBLEM"

"Do not attempt any traces of your problem until you LEARN to DO the SPEED

TRACE. That's what this exercise will focus on."

"DO NOT TRY TO CONCEPTUALIZE ANYTHING DURING THIS PROCESS!"

I want to get rid of this tension that stops me from being loud around people. This will be my goal, I'll attempt it in 1-2 days when I learn to use this.

I can't find any food I dislike. What I've noticed in the past year is that my food preferences constantly change. As if every step that I take to free myself psychologically changes my taste.

"The best thing for you to do is to wait until the problem comes up naturally and do the trace on the spot. Few problems come up that you can't trace on the spot with a little ingenuity. If people are around, you can say, "Wait, I'm thinking." Then say the speed trace silently and go down the time marks. Or better, just walk away from the group or person, doing the trace while you do so. Whatever way makes sense for you in the given situation is the best way to proceed."

"How is it possible to ride a bicycle?"

!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my god. I've just realized I've been trying to analyze EVERYTHING. I can't describe in detail how my brain works. I need to focus on what works now, how will come later. Trying to understand how certain techniques work prevents me from using them succesfuly!

==============

After a day of thinking what to test the speed trace I found some old english mustard. I felt sick after eating it. I made the speed trace and nothing
changed. I don't know if I'll find anything more, maybe I'll just start
tracing real doyles and see what happens.

==============

I realized yesterday that I am seeking approval in EVERYTHING I do in social
situations. And the big A-HA was when I realized all that I'm NOT doing for
approval is what really makes friends and gets people attracted to me.
For example I hear a person likes show X, I don't remember fully it so I go
back home and watch it and memorize stuff so I can talk about it later. First of all, this is hard work. Second, of all IT NEVER WORKS! The stuff that works
(attracts people to me) is only the stuff that comes out of me naturally, when
I'm being who I am, when I share MY OWN passions and LOVE OF LIFE.
This is what I want to do - share a little bit of passion in my communication. I decided to change a little my goal of becoming talkative. Talkative is a bad
word for my subconsious, what is it really? What I really want is to EXPRESS
MYSELF whenever I want to. If I want to state an opinion I will do it. If I
want to complement somebody I will. If I want to sing I will sing. If I want
to dance like a monkey in front of somebody I WILL FUCKEN DANCE LIKE A MONKEY
BECAUSE I WANT TO!!!