You just need to unlearn

What if there was nothing to learn?

What if I could just be myself?

.
.
.

I was watching Conan O'Brain this night and was observing him talking to people. I thought "Hey I can do that" and I realized have been excellent all my life. I have had a great conversational style all my life. I have somehow lost it now. I always flirted with women in a specific way, being a goof ball, acting dumb. Now that I look back at it I see that women were attracted to my personality when I did that. What if I could just do that. Make a method out of it. Just go up to women and be that guy, have that old funny style and then progress things further with the new knowledge.
I am slowly starting to realize that I really need to unlearn stuff. There is just stuff that I need to throw out of me. If I could just walk up to girls and be assertive in my interaction and lead it to where I want I could do whatever I'd want to. Just be myself.
I need to sarge random girls and just start talking, develop my game naturally. Tap into that frame of mind when going out.

Juggler method

A guys mistake in LTR. He was losing his frame:

http://www.mysterymethod.com/forum/showthread.php?t=21726
"I relied exclusively on my girlfriend for validation.
Without anymore validation coming in from other women, I started to slowly rely on my girlfriend for my validation… Exclusively."

I need to meet other women.




-=======================

Juggler's Seduction School MP3 breakdown


Don't drink alcohol (diet coke, water on the rocks)

Anxiety is built on time - just go and talk to the first person that looks friendly

Have an open mind - build attraction, don't seek it

Juggler:

Friendly, I like meeting people vibe
"Hi, you look interesting so I've decided to come sit next to you, what's your name"

"So what is it like living in London?"

Statement showing that you're really interested + question.

"Since I love meeting new people you've got to tell me everything about yourself"

Have something to say about every topic that comes up. Try to pick out stuff from her, be genuinly interested in the topic.

"What got you into riding horses?"

Show that you're impressed. Make them feel good.
"How does it feel being on top of a 2 ton beast? I would be totally scared"

"So who are you with here?"

"I thought your boyfriend would come and beat me up because I'm hitting on you or something..."

"Really? You're an adventure girl."

Disqualify yourself.

"I can climb like a meter."

"How do you feel about american guys?"

"Where have you travelled?"

"So can you teach me how to rock climb?"

"How do you call a..."


Johnny

"Hey listen we should go grab a drink ... but only if you pay"

"That's so rude" response -> "If my mom heard me saying that she would upset too"

"I buy a drink for you, you buy a drink for me and we'll surprise each other"
"You gotta surprise me"

"So what were we talking about?"

"You never told me what is your passion?"

"Hang around with friends..."

"That's actually really cool. I miss my friends in ..."

"What do you do for a living?"

"What do you study?"

"I actually remember the first day before school I was really nervous."

"What else do you wanna talk about?"

"I love talking to my friends, what are you guys talking about?"

"What's your relationship situation?"

Innuendos indicating that she is hitting on you.
"Don't be pressumptious"

"What's the guy of your interest?"

"By looking you deep into your eyes, I have to say you're the least attractive girl I've ever met"

"You're dirty, I like that... not that much though"

"How do you and your friend know each other?"

"Where's your favourite place to travel?"

[A lot of good looking men down there] "I would fit in horribly then I guess"

"Now you're making me want to go to France, I don't know why?"

"I knew that would happen, I would give you a compliment, you would get a big head, and then I would regret dong it"

"So we should go to France"
"Together?"
"No not together, separetaly"
"I ment serendipitisly we would run into each other"
"You're so forward"
"Yeah whatever"

"Put in your phone number ... so you don't forget our plans for France"


Juggler:

Be a bit rude, like a friend.

"How do you guys all know each other? Is that your girlfriend ... no? Good I'm gonna hit on her, I'm gonna put my moves on her"

What kind of woman do you like?

"Tell me a joke"
"OK I'll tell the first joke ... now it's yor turn"
"I love women that make me laugh, I find that very sexy"

"So what's the most exciting thing you've done today?"

-- mine "What age are kids the cutest?"

"Tell me something else that is interesting"
"Because I'm lazy"
"Who you here with?"
"I'm gonna go meet your friends and convince them to buy me a drink"

"Do you chat up random women?"
"Only the cute ones"
"But don't get a big head though"
"What is your relationship situation?"
"Friends warn me about single girls, she's single? She must psychotic"

"Ask me a question"

"We made out last week, I can't believe you can't remember"

"Where are you from?"
"I can't tell you, I have to show you"

"Put out your hand"

"I don't think you're friendly, I think you're sexy"

"I pay for the... if you pay for the..."

Be the Prince Charming

All my life I have been approval seeking in social situations. Now it has left me a lot of neural networks that work to "read peoples" minds. So when I'm focusing on the needs of the person I tend to be very manipulative.

I can shift my thinking by shifting states! I have to train this, especially in social situations. It's like changing a lense on a camera.
If I shift states I get different meaning so I act differently.


Pook:
The need of the woman is a prince charming:
"The first step in becoming the Prince Charming every woman dreams of is to THINK OF YOURSELF AS A PRINCE."
I must change my state to that and all will follow.

Only through failure I can learn. I embrace pain and failure!

"I know, I know. I can hear you saying, "But I must worry about mistakes or else I'll have another 'learning experience' on my hands."

This is a GOOD THING. Let us say that, in a normal conversation, you came across a word you did not know how to pronounce. Most people will utter the word softly for fear of criticism. This is stupid. Say the word LOUD! Let me repeat, say the word LOUD! If you are wrong, you will be corrected. Clearing up mistakes is ALWAYS a good thing and should NEVER be feared.

The same applies with dating. Do not date with hesitation and shyness; date with all conviction. Remember, the biggest risk you can take in life is not to take any risks at all."

-----------------------------------------------------------


All the do this, don't do that's in mind that are coming up when I'm thinking of a specific issue are really just my parents voice coming up. I need to bet on myself and only then I can succeed.

Power of the salesman

I have had trouble lately with my girl. If a relationship is not moving forward it is going backwards. That is exactly what is happening. I've been feeling really down about this lately. I can turn this around and feel good about it because I learn A LOT from my mistakes.

"The greatest secret of life is, in order to get something you can't need to have it."

I finally understood what is the difference between a good salesman and a bad one. Focusing on the needs of the buyer.
Of course I knew this for a long time but haven't actually realized what I was doing right and what I'm doing wrong. For example: Getting into a sexual state to attract a girl is different than being a horny asshole. Being sexually attractive is focusing on the needs of the girl because that is what she wants, she wants a sexual man. But being horny and thinking only about touching her and becoming mad at all failed attempts or her doing something that turns you off, or her talking to much is exactly AFC behaviour. It is focusing on your needs. I want instant gratification and sex.
And that is exactly what is preventing me from achieving it.
So what I must do in my future interactions is set a goal of escalating the relationship. Getting into sexual state and escalating sexually but only by focusing ON HER NEEDS. And using that as a SOURCE of inspiration and MOTIVATION. To be focused like this I need to be confident. I'll arrange all meetings so that I am comfortable and confident. From that place of power I can do things to make her want me.
My brain will come up with ways to achieve this, I have to take control and responsibilty of what I'm doing and accept the loss that might happen because of what I will do. There will be no fear if I accept to move on because of failure.

PS. This feeling of control that I want to project is the same as sexual state! I feel it now. The big thing I didn't realize until today was: how can I be myself if I only focus on the needs of other people. I thought that is approval seeking. It is not! Approval seeking is your need! For ex. I say something to get a reaction and to feel good about what I said. Fuck that! Giving what people want is and not expecting anything in return is the definition of CHARM. That is what attracts people. I feel like I turned some wheels in my head and this is what I'm going to focus on in the next days/weeks until it becomes a habit.

In the head

FUN is my only goal. Expectations leads to pain.
Turn every experience into an adventure.

Great advice from MM Forum:
"Let her know that you are pleased to see her - remember - every emotion you want from her begins with you.
You are the leader, you are the man. Never forget it!"


=============

Everything is in my head. I completely turned around my thinking of a situation in a couple hours. Mostly through reading which changed my beliefs about the subject.
I've replaced a feeling of despair with a feeling of hope. This is what I did a year ago after reading Double Your Dating. New insights give a feeling of hope and a decision to try them out is extremely motivating and makes you feel good. I will keep this emotion.

Update

Just a small update to remind myself what has been going on. Acually I don't write a lot about my problems lately because there haven't been any. I have been really enjoying myself. As I've written a couple months ago:

"All social problems come from trying to be somebody else."

Which is just paraphrasing "be yourself". But it has gotten a lot of meaning to me lately. There is nothing realy I need to learn, I am complete. There is just baggage that I need to drop. I'm willing to drop everything now. I have been playing around with doyletics and sedona lately. Also I'll be testing some new ideas from a Hypnosis book by Rossi.

The thing that worries me on a logical level is that I have let go of any goals that I had. I don't really care about success. I wonder if letting go of emotions will help me achieve my goals. I am willing to sacrifice my well-being for achieving my goals.

Looking back

I was re-reading my blog entries from the past 3 months. I was really in a
different state then I am in now. I don't even understand some stuff I did. One
thing really struck me. I think it is the greatest piece of wisdom I wrote
about doing things and achieving goals:

IDENTIFY WITH THE PROCESS, NOT WITH THE NEEDS.

This came a day later after I read this depressing, sad but true line from PJE:
"The greatest secret of life is, in order to get something you can't need to have it."

The second piece if wisdom is: REVERSE SHYNESS.
It's my little technique which produced a tremendous change in me. I don't know really how I got it working but it changed my thinking. The basis for it is this paraphrased text from Gunwitch: "Realize that people think more about what you think of them than they think of you".

The third thing I got is something funny. I have a constant debate about who's in control of me. Is it ME or MYSELF. Conscious or subconsious. I still don't know but judging from my experience in the past months:
- conscious decisions make concrete changes (a lot is done by accepting that you will feel pain)
- unconscious acting makes best action (but it only works if I'm comfortable, and I'm comfortable only if the situation is not new)

a-ha

I want to do Speed Trace properly now.

"FOCUS on the PROCESS, not the PROBLEM"

"Do not attempt any traces of your problem until you LEARN to DO the SPEED

TRACE. That's what this exercise will focus on."

"DO NOT TRY TO CONCEPTUALIZE ANYTHING DURING THIS PROCESS!"

I want to get rid of this tension that stops me from being loud around people. This will be my goal, I'll attempt it in 1-2 days when I learn to use this.

I can't find any food I dislike. What I've noticed in the past year is that my food preferences constantly change. As if every step that I take to free myself psychologically changes my taste.

"The best thing for you to do is to wait until the problem comes up naturally and do the trace on the spot. Few problems come up that you can't trace on the spot with a little ingenuity. If people are around, you can say, "Wait, I'm thinking." Then say the speed trace silently and go down the time marks. Or better, just walk away from the group or person, doing the trace while you do so. Whatever way makes sense for you in the given situation is the best way to proceed."

"How is it possible to ride a bicycle?"

!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my god. I've just realized I've been trying to analyze EVERYTHING. I can't describe in detail how my brain works. I need to focus on what works now, how will come later. Trying to understand how certain techniques work prevents me from using them succesfuly!

==============

After a day of thinking what to test the speed trace I found some old english mustard. I felt sick after eating it. I made the speed trace and nothing
changed. I don't know if I'll find anything more, maybe I'll just start
tracing real doyles and see what happens.

==============

I realized yesterday that I am seeking approval in EVERYTHING I do in social
situations. And the big A-HA was when I realized all that I'm NOT doing for
approval is what really makes friends and gets people attracted to me.
For example I hear a person likes show X, I don't remember fully it so I go
back home and watch it and memorize stuff so I can talk about it later. First of all, this is hard work. Second, of all IT NEVER WORKS! The stuff that works
(attracts people to me) is only the stuff that comes out of me naturally, when
I'm being who I am, when I share MY OWN passions and LOVE OF LIFE.
This is what I want to do - share a little bit of passion in my communication. I decided to change a little my goal of becoming talkative. Talkative is a bad
word for my subconsious, what is it really? What I really want is to EXPRESS
MYSELF whenever I want to. If I want to state an opinion I will do it. If I
want to complement somebody I will. If I want to sing I will sing. If I want
to dance like a monkey in front of somebody I WILL FUCKEN DANCE LIKE A MONKEY
BECAUSE I WANT TO!!!

Why doing is important

Only from the position of "I am the master of my fate" can I make changes. I'm feeling like this today. Even if things don't go well I place blame on myself
and I can fix it and it doesn't change my emotional state. Here are my thoughts from the last few days:

I wrote a while ago that emotional "State can be changed only by action
alone". I've been experimenting with this. For example I was trying to stop
negative thinking. I caught myself doing the same thing as always, trying to
overthink it. So I decided to just change my physique. I started smiling. Then
automatically some music started playing in my head and it was IMPOSSIBLE to
think negative. I need to find more things to do to change certain emotional
states.

I have had a certain regression in my confidence with my interactions with my
girl. Actually I never had confidence. All my confidence comes from things I
did in the last year, namely approaching strangers and group interactions. I
have a certain level of competence in this area which gives me confidence but
when I'm alone with a girl I feel like I'm 8 years old again and I really have
to hide it.
The thing is confidence comes from action alone. In the last few months I
have been going out and forcing myself to break through comfort zones. If I
had a look at my progress of what I actually did according to my goals I made
like 1% of them. The funny thing is after each failure I felt better than
ever. I felt stronger because I was DOING something. I have been struggling with the DO part all these months so why did I feel great? I think just trying to make progress makes you more confident. Every time and effort spent on doing something gives you something back. And it is not the thing I really want... but something better. I now think that all the self-help gurus are so fulfilled not because they
have amazing techniques or methods but just because they are trying to improve
themselves every minute of the day. That trying gives strength. So I will DO things no matter if I get what I want or not or even if I actually do something at all.

My level of well-being is a good indicator of if I'm going in the right
direction. I haven't felt great during the past weeks. I thought that maybe
having a relationship is not my lifestyle but really it's because I haven't
made any progress in myself. I'm new to this so I still have to find WHAT I need to
improve and what to DO about it.

Feeling <->Thinking, Feeling = Thought ?

Secrets of the Alpha Male:

"You are not put here to discover yourself… you are here to CREATE yourself."

"Anger is excitement. Love is excitement. Envy is excitement. Lust is excitement.
Greed is excitement. Take all the cardinal sins and make them your high-octane,
spitfire, explosive POWER to do what you want with your life.
The only thing that separates us Alpha Men from the Sheep of the world is our
action orientation, and that starts with our internal level of excitement. Harness it and
use it for yourself."

GET FUCKIN PISSED OFF!
Resons from the book!:
"- People who just won’t stop talking
- Women who just won’t stop talking"

Shyness leads to controling the ANGER. I need to let go of it. I'll try to find the reason for holding it back tonight.

Carry notes with you, about stuff that pissed you off. Use it for motivation.




============================================


Tao of Stevie:
This something to play around with: (I might be good at this)
"Have fun playing around with themes. Be enthusiastic. Once you have a decent
mastery of how they can work to help your conversation and patterning you will find you rarely run out of things to say. With mastery you can take almost any idea that
you create or she gives you and link it to a useful theme, which in turn can be linked
to a more intimate (Stage 3) way of speaking."

Don't use "what's up?" in the initial meeting - launch into something like you have just stopped talking.

"I’ll spend maybe half an hour doing my warm up, sometimes a little more, sometimes
a little less. Here is an example of a story I’ll tell during a warm up so as to give you a
concrete example of what I am talking about. I’ll go into a shop and ask the assistant
this:
“Hi (smile) I ‘m wondering about your opening hours, because I know some shops
have different opening hours on different days ... ""

"There was a cute HB in the line ahead of me. I used
the 3 seconds rule and said the first thing that came to me. It is better to say
something than to say nothing. I asked her if she was in the line. She was, so I
decided to tell her a brief story to show my personality to her. I told her how
sometimes I can’t tell if someone is in the line or not, that a few days ago I
was in the line for the ATM and there were loads of people ahead of me and I
stood waiting for ages until I realised they were all waiting for this one guy
who was using it and had now finished and were chatting near the machine for
10 minutes! She laughed."

============================================

PJE:
"... when you stay focused on the "mmmm" feeling, you don't really notice the obstacles that much. They're just noise, a blip on the radar screen. A minor distraction or annoyance."

" thoughts lead to feelings lead to actions"

"... when you learn to use your feelings correctly, you'll realize a bad feeling means it's time to change your thinking."

Welcome

Juggler:
Anti-Desperate Defense not Anti-Slut
This is how you explain women!!! Juggler is a genius.

"I think that the way you describe your poetry is sexy. You better stop that cause you're turning me on."


Always do YOUR best.
If I know I did my best at the moment I won't be caught in negative thought. Fight negative thinking!

Sedona: Welcome every emotion.
I did some Sedona techniques yesterday and I made a change in me. I've been welcoming every emotion and I feel great. I haven't been more productive because of it but I feel better.
This is the thing I always wonder about which makes me quit techniques like this. If I fully accept myself will I change? I will experiment with this. For now I will welcome all feelings and just live happily and after some time (weeks) I will evaluate if I made progress in my recent goal (becoming talkative).

-----------------

I read the previous post and I realized it wasn't that bad as I wrote about it. I was writing that while in a bad mood. I'm in a good mood now so I remember something different. Interesting.

It's all about my state.

State change

Power is built on failures.


I went out with my girl for dinner. I can't really control my nervousness, I was in a bad mood. It affects my speech patterns and I'm not confident enough to carry on a conversation by myself. All stuff that I think of saying vanishes or when I remember it I say it without any emotion and I speed through it. This is all because I'm not comfortable. I need to plan things in detail. If I lose control I start giving away my power and that directly affects my mood. I need to plan little things that I will do without hesitation, just because.
Here is the revelation of today:

STATE IS CHANGED DIRECTLY BY ACTION ALONE.

I was tired of her talking so I deliberatly made the decision to shutup and just stare blank somewhere else. She was forced to continue the conversation on a different topic. That gave me power and immediately it changed my state to the point where I wanted it to be. Stuff like kissing happens by itself when I am in the mood for it. If I don't really want it I feel resistance and it doesn't feel natural. I must plan the interaction so that it leads to a point where it is natural. Also I must plan little "attacks" which I will do no matter what, just to show power and DO IT.

Long post

I must remind myself that I allow things to happen. It is not me that does things. So make the intention, visualize to act and then LET IT HAPPEN. All comes naturally if I do things this way.

I'm on my path to become more talkative. Here are some key things that naturally talkative people do:

- they love the sound of their own voice
- they have low standards of what they are saying
- they don't seek any reaction from what they are saying
- they speak whatever is on their mind without analyzing
- they tak because they like to, not because they want something or they want to please the other person.


Today I told a long story, about 3 minutes. The act of doing this automatically takes you into the state. It's totally fun, even if the story is not good the telling gets you into a good mood, just seeing any good reactions. So this will be my goal for every meeting. Have 1 or 2 stories to tell, make an intention to tell them without interuption, just tospit it out.

All is well when I have the frame of screening the girl and knowing that I have more options.

My number 1 mistake right now is nervousness. I need to relax. Work-out before a meeting or/and meditate and release all expectations.

Always plan and control the dates. Plan out even the boring ones so you control when it happens and it doesn't occur unexpectantly with you left wondering what went wrong. If you control every interaction you will know what went wrong.

----------------

Carlos Xuma - Dating Black Book

"[...]almost never think about when
you’ll get a date or have sex next, and that’s when you’ll be able to get it more. You only want sex so badly because you aren’t getting it."

Fuck my desires.

"Another part of the Principle of Truth is that what you really want to happen is what
actually happens."
"We almost always mistake wanting something
for wishful thinking, especially when it comes time to do what it takes to get it."

"[...] emotions are only present when you are not acting to realize your worthy goals. These feelings come up as a result of our post-facto analysis, but they are rarely grounded in reality."
Instead of dealing with negative emotions, take action and the emotions will be irrelevant.

Trust? This is a part I want to work on - "Her willingness to risk that you won’t hurt her like other guys have"

"If you consistently do the things that winners do, you will get the same results."


“Jackie, I’ve been nothing but nice to you for the last two weeks, going out with you and
you’re not very open. Before I decide to call this quits, I wanted to tell you that I see your tough act on the outside, and I know that’s a façade. I can see through your smoke screen. Deep
inside, you want to reach out and be appreciated, but you’re afraid to trust. I’d hate for you to miss out on the wonderful opportunities in life, but we might have to stop seeing each other if we can’t get past this.”
"get past this.”
Call women on their behavior with direct language, and you will be amazed at how
powerful the results are, especially if you are able to describe their emotional reaction in a way they have not been able to."

"The more you do the things that unsuccessful people won’t do, the more successful you will be."

"What almost all of our fears boil down to, in essence, is a fear of displeasing others. At
the root of our fears in life, we learned from an early age that we don’t want to get anyone angry with us. It started with our parents, and ever since then, we’ve been a slave to the approval of others."

"Pretend that the world is your party.
Act as if you are the host. Because, in reality, no one else is any more than you."

"What would you dare to do if you knew you could not fail?"
There can be no failures. what would I do if all actions had positive outcomes? I would TAKE ACTION.

"Cultivate the strength to do what you know you need to, and if you do, you’ll win."

Mixed signals:
"Kiss her or hug her, then push her away to do something else."
"Occasionally do things that are out of character, such as choosing a chick
flick to go see, or go to an offbeat restaurant. Defy her expectations."

"Whenever you are talking with a woman (or women), you are flirting."
There are no non-sexual encounters. Train flirting with EVERY WOMAN you meet.

Dates:
"
What you must do is come up with mini-adventures. Your job is to create an interesting
experience that she is interested in joining in with you. Some examples of meetings after the
first rendezvous:
- Games – take her to a miniature golf course, or a pool hall, or an arcade.
- Local Shops – find a strip of unusual stores to take her to. Underground CD
shops are great because they have an interesting culture, plus there is a lot
of stuff to browse through.
- Flea markets, bazaars, or fairs – These are also interesting as they offer
some interesting things to browse and buy.
- Cooking demonstration – there are a lot of stores now that offer cooking
classes or demos.
- Any places with a strange or dramatic background – castles, old houses,
ruins. There was a place near where I lived growing up called White Lady’s
Castle, where a ghost reportedly walked the grounds. Oddly, that’s where
many of the teenagers went to have a little action.
- The Photo Shoot – Get a digital camera (or a real one, if that’s all you have
available) and go out for a little experimental photography. This plays on her
vanity, flattering her and making her feel important and beautiful that you’d
want to have her as a subject. Trust me, you don’t even have to be very good
at taking pictures. (Hell, you don’t even have to have film in the thing.) Just
have fun.
"

"Just say, “I had a great time,” and then leave."

Leave here "A voicemail with a short, open-ended message (“What are you thinking about right
now, as you hear my voice?” Click.) Mystery."

"Jump, and the Net Will Appear"

"You should aim for touching her just a little less than she wants to touch you."
This is what I'm doing, lol.

"the only thing you can control in a relationship is your own thinking and behavior"

"Wait until the mood passes before you do something you may regret.
If it really needs to be said or done, you’ll still want to when you’re in a good mood."
"When in doubt about the possible impact of your actions on a woman, doing nothing is best.

"The one who cares the least controls the relationship."

"On the other hand, when a man doesn’t get any
release for a week or two, he’s much more vigorous and lively. He has more energy to channel."
The ejaculations might be a problem of my recent low energy. But I'm regaining it now.
"find a comfortable balance that gives you the motivation to take action"
Too much restraint causes me too act stupid.

"The opposite of courage isn’t cowardice … it’s conformity."

-------------------

If I feel down, I just don't remember how great I am. Do some activities that will remind you of that best self.

Never make decisions in a bad mood!

About doing work that you don't feel like doing:
Resistance comes from not knowing what you're going to do. Make a detailed plan of what you will do and then just let yourself do it.