I have had trouble lately with my girl. If a relationship is not moving forward it is going backwards. That is exactly what is happening. I've been feeling really down about this lately. I can turn this around and feel good about it because I learn A LOT from my mistakes.
"The greatest secret of life is, in order to get something you can't need to have it."
I finally understood what is the difference between a good salesman and a bad one. Focusing on the needs of the buyer.
Of course I knew this for a long time but haven't actually realized what I was doing right and what I'm doing wrong. For example: Getting into a sexual state to attract a girl is different than being a horny asshole. Being sexually attractive is focusing on the needs of the girl because that is what she wants, she wants a sexual man. But being horny and thinking only about touching her and becoming mad at all failed attempts or her doing something that turns you off, or her talking to much is exactly AFC behaviour. It is focusing on your needs. I want instant gratification and sex.
And that is exactly what is preventing me from achieving it.
So what I must do in my future interactions is set a goal of escalating the relationship. Getting into sexual state and escalating sexually but only by focusing ON HER NEEDS. And using that as a SOURCE of inspiration and MOTIVATION. To be focused like this I need to be confident. I'll arrange all meetings so that I am comfortable and confident. From that place of power I can do things to make her want me.
My brain will come up with ways to achieve this, I have to take control and responsibilty of what I'm doing and accept the loss that might happen because of what I will do. There will be no fear if I accept to move on because of failure.
PS. This feeling of control that I want to project is the same as sexual state! I feel it now. The big thing I didn't realize until today was: how can I be myself if I only focus on the needs of other people. I thought that is approval seeking. It is not! Approval seeking is your need! For ex. I say something to get a reaction and to feel good about what I said. Fuck that! Giving what people want is and not expecting anything in return is the definition of CHARM. That is what attracts people. I feel like I turned some wheels in my head and this is what I'm going to focus on in the next days/weeks until it becomes a habit.
From shy guy to don juan. Daily experiences.
"The secret of happiness is freedom. And the secret of freedom is courage."
