Betrayal of the penis brain

I feel completely like shit right now. I feel like my heart is broken. I went
to the course again. I had 1 goal, I wrote it down before going there, not the
day before (mistake). I wanted to compliment HB17. It's ridicoulos how comfortable and
non-shy I feel these days. There is no fear of anything other than the girl. I
sat there and during the break I wanted to talk to her. Realizing I wouldn't
do it I talked to another woman and then to a dude that was sitting next to
me. Then I just snapped, turned around and started talking to her. Convo was
normal except for my reactions - my mouth got dry. Now this is funny. A couple
years ago I would beat myself to death - why is this happening! Now it is all
part of the fun. This is how people in love react. I was more focused on FOCUS
during the conversation and it feels SO POWERFUL even though the content of
the conversation is meaningless. I didn't compliment her, just did basic
Juggler rewarding so I failed. Later we were standing next to each other and I looked at another chick for like 1 second too long. She noticed it and came to stand next to me blocking
my girl. Now this chick was pretty decent and a lot easier to bang in my
oppinion but because I was thinking about HB17 it went nowhere and eventually
I got uncomfortable by two girls competing for me and I bailed. This is OK because I decided I don't want anything from her. I knew this would happen. Nevertheless I betrayed the penis brain and now I'm in pain. This is an ongoing cycle in my life. I feel with my "heart" or penis that I want this girl. But I start thinking logically and it makes sense to not be interested with her and bail. Later on I feel like shit. Now I don't really know what to do about this. I decided to just focus on a goal and fuck everything else. My goal is from my 3 Major Goals for 2007. It is to have sex. That is all I will think about. I have to change my women filter to filter just the ones that it will be easy to fuck. That's all I want to do. Although I would like to I have to forget about "love" feelings. They led me nowhere in my life although they feel so good. Now I realize while writing this that it is an illusion. It makes you feel good about this special girl. In fact you're moving nowhere. I just want to fuck.