What do YOU want?

I really got pumped up last night and went out. I did more sessions of releasing the tension in my throat, I spent a lot of hours on it. Now when I got to the party I didn't feel it. There was no emotion I could locate. I realized I just wasn't horny for any girl. It was kind of funny because some girls were really attractive and I wasn't the slightest bit afraid to look at them. I just didn't feel it in my gonads. Now we switched venues and I got in a good mood. I let go of all
expectations. Now I started feeling good about some girls and it let me do
stuff. I can't do anything if I don't feel anything! If I feel horny for a girl it just starts to do things. Now I still have fears. This is where they come in. I used with success Ranko's fear destroyer. I actually stepped out and took time to think about what I could lose and how many times I failed because I didn't do anything. I lost that night one girl I was attracted to. I wasn't persistent enough and when she ran away I didn't follow. I didn't have the guts to approach her with her friends and talk. Now I see I should've done that, just talk to the whole group. It feels good when I think about it now, didn't feel like that then. I was blocked by fear, it didn't even occur to me to do that. Now I spotted this really attractive girl and she was into me. I was into
her to. We got into the sexual dance (remember: dominate over her, don't follow, become a pole for her). I did courage to approach her 2 times. It wasn't that big of a deal cause I got almost every IOI I know from her. I did something new. I dragged her off the dance floor to talk. This was scary and I postponed it for 3 songs too many. But I did it. I was always scared that it will be stupid the talk after the dance. Well... it is, but as always it doesn't matter. The biggest secret of doing anything you want is... you have to accept the fear as real and then do it anyways. Because the fact is, the fears are real. What you fear will happen. It's the image of the result of the thing you fear of that is wrong. If you have the wrong idea of what will happen after, you won't do it. If I think she will reject me because I talk funny I won't do it. If I feel OK with her rejecting me, then I talk to her funny and it doesn't matter, she doesn't reject me. This is like a self-help thing that nobody will benefit from. I understand this now and I understand why this cannot be teached. You really have to be OK with the fact that you suck. Really accept that. Accept that you sucking, will work! But don't use that line. It will again create a false expectation in your mind. The thing is it doesn't matter what happens. Accept the result, whatever it is.

That was big but now for my even biggest revelation which made the whole night worth while: For my latest interactions with women I felt this thing that they want me, they EXPECT me to do something. This was a really strong feeling. It was really holding me back, because I don't know what to do! They expect me to do sth but I am just a man, I'm clueless. Getting rid of this emotion a couple weeks ago got me to think more clear. about this now. Here it is:

IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT SHE WANTS, THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS IS WHAT I WANT.

Whenever I think that she wants me to do something, say something, fuck that
and think about what I want. The reality is: she also doesn't have the slightest clue what she wants. The only thing she wants is... for you to know what you want.

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There is something I need to do about my feelings. I can't do anything if I'm not horny. Like if I'm not hungry I won't eat. I will change my life to expose, glorify, accentuate and harness the feelings of sexual desire and hunger. I'm going on the Warrors Diet to become hungry. I will not masturbate and only seek pleasure from women to feel sexual.