Happy new years

There is not much revelations lately. Stuff just works. It all fell into place. Although no concrete sex results.
3 days before new years there was a party. There was a girl I liked and I hesitated for 0.1 seconds. It's like stupid to do that when I like a girl now. There seems to be a cloud that blocks me from more like groups but it isnt anything like years ago. I was talking and having fun all the time. I regretted not going after the girl. There are still some issues.
For the next days I was meditating, releasing and forgiving on the subjec of getting what I want. It did a lot.I was hurt because I did not achieve my goal. I set a yearly goal of having sex and this was the last chance. I felt bad because I didnt achieve. During these days I realized I dont need to feel sorry about it. It is a survival mechanism, I dont actually need to feel bad about anything!!!

On New Years I went to a party. I was nervous at first! It felt wierd, maybe because of my outfit. So instead of contemplating on it I headed immediately to the bar and started drinking and chatting and being authorative with my friends. Action helped! In minutes I approached 2 most attractive girls and it was a blast. I'm really good at this now. I did tons of stuff out of my comfort zone. Too many to write about and I dont ever think about them consciously, it just happens. I changed. I am... me.Still I feel bad cause I didnt go after what I wanted. I blame it on a girl that was into me and didnt let the others come in the way. But thats bollocks. It still isnt concrete what I want.

What the fuck do I want from girls!?!?!

I know deeply what I want. Do I want sex? The thing is I wasnt really horny in those days. Not like a coule weeks ago, when I was only thinking about it. Now it wasnt there.

If it isnt there it isnt there.

So I actually didnt want anything from them, except for feeling their energy and feeling great and making them feel great about the attrction process. All fun.

But still there is regret that I didnt go after this one girl hat I really liked.I shoulda, comes to my mind all the time. What shoulda?
If I throw away the fear, it boils down to this:tell the girl I didnt want piss off definitely and go for the one I wanted.

I wanted to have the cake and eat it too. In fear of losing both I dont have none right now.

Be prepared to lose it. That's the only way to get anything in life. I didnt think like that back then, I was thinking wrong.If something seems easy you are thinking wrong about it.

Overall. This year I have become somebody else, finally. This blog is a testament to how I changed. Afterall it was possible.

------------------

I had the most amazing lucid dream. I was meditating on the third eye, second time in the last days.I fell asleep and I had a dream in which I spotted 2 girls and immediately went to them and talked. And they were high class, don't know why. I did it! According to my theory this is CHANGE.Then the lucid part began it was as real as it can be. Everything I saw was real and felt, food, textures - real.So I decided to go fly and I did. Amazing. Then I went to a mirror to try to see who am I. And I was me but my eyes were blue. I began to think who am I if not the person sleeping in my bed?And 2 other people appeared, maybe a third ghost one behind me. One of the people one in a magic hat, I remember him, or rather being him?