I got rejected today viciously trying to resolve something at my university. This was set up in a way that I had 0 chance of success. I still believed I could do it. I failed. So I thought. My mind started telling how stupid I was, how I failed, how wrong I did it, how bad I looked in the eyes of people. Suddenly I stepped out and saw what that was. It was a tiny frightened voice that was squeaking nonsense! I thought: those are lies! And a sudden illumination flashed through me. All my thoughts about rejection are false! They are lies. If someone rejects me, the rejection is true only if I believe the point for rejection was valid! I reject myself! The only person that can reject me, or further abuse me, is ME! If and only if I believe my own lies will I be hurt. For example: I walk up to a girl. The conversation stalls and I feel stupid. I believe I had to impress her. I have rejected myself! I feel stupid because I BELIEVE I had to impress her. It is me that is rejecting! Fuck this is so freeing! DON'T BELIEVE HIS LIES!
I've been doing Hypnotica meditations. I think that is the source of my knowledge about this. Also, I see a very important thing. You must do something in order to understand it. If I were to teach somebody what is rejection I would first give him the theory about rejection and then arrange a situation where he was to be rejected. From that comes true understanding.
Hypnotica gave me an excercize on decision making. The 3 second rule. I have to do 7 days, 20 approaches to girls I like. I have to train my neurology, reprogram myself. I don't see any alternative, this is how I become a person that approaches girls. This will be hard. Fuck.
I've already tried similar things a year ago. I hope it will be different, because:
I have new confidence.
I've learned that not thinking is key to doing something.
Values like Glory develop courage.
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Prometheus rising:
"The miracle of Beethoven is not that he felt the universe that way—a few thousand fifth circuit types throughout history have also felt and sensed nature that way—but that he mastered the third-circuit art of music with such skill that he could communicate such experiences, which is precisely what the ordinary "mystic" cannot do."
