New Year's Day

Wow. Where to begin. I want to document this fully.

During the past few days during christmas and at the end of the year we had a lot of guests in house and it was really social. I was completely introverted. I regressed to the worst version of me, I only could talk some cynical jokes, not maintain eye contact and feeling bad about the whole situation, trying every trick in the book without any hope of being better. Nothing helped me except external stuff like dependancy on how many and what people I would talk to. Nothing at all thinking-wise helped me. Nothing. This is the sad part of self-help.

On the New Years day I knew I had to focus on specific goals for the party. I wrote the goals down. They were: 10 eye contacts, 3 smiles, 1 joke or anecdote, 1 convo with a newly met person lasting more than 2 minutes. Then I proceeded to prepare material. It wasn't a lot, I reminded myself some stories and jokes and I was off to go. For the last 3 days I was listening to a hypnotic tape I created, imagining myself as Jack, the day before New Years I also listened to Paul Mckenna Self-confidence booster in act of desperation (I think I need to revert to the old thinking about hypnosis and subconcious because it is proven to work).

Now while preparing to get out and while getting to the party I was thinking about the whole party all the time. Positively visualizing every aspect and what I would say and what my state of mind would be. I didn't focus on positivity I just focused on my goals and knew what I had to be thinking of to get there. 15 minutes before getting to the spot I was really ANTICIPATING the party. I was helluva motivated. Really WANTING to have fun and SOCIALIZE. I KNEW it would be great. Once I got there, there wasn't a minute I would not talk to somebody. I got my friends there and I was talking ALL THE TIME. Having fun joking around. Had no problem with talking to strangers. I actually started talking to 4 or more persons. It was really easy. I didn't use any canned lines. I actually found a way to interact with everybody by pouring drinks or asking about the food.
Everything was effortless.I had one moment of hesitation, I was pouring drinks and these 2 girls came next to me. From before I knew that it was on between me and this girl, let's call her HBMed. I had like 2-3 heartbeats of hesitation until I managed to ask them if they wanna drink with me. From then, 10 seconds later we were friends. There were awkward moments. There were moments like this with her all the time. I am not really calibrated with girls talking 1-1 with girls. I know now what to say (the truth) to them, but when I say it comes as very cheesy or rehearsed. Because it is the first time I ever did anything like this. Anyway she was drunk so didn't really contemplate on my mistakes. She wanted to dance with me and I challenged her on a game of "who sings this song". I knew I were wrong but I used the most important lesson of the evening.

MAINTAIN THE FRAME AT ALL COSTS

This is something I picked up from my father. I was analyzing his behaviour the same day and thought, wow he is totally wrong but him controlling the frame is attractive. So I used that. While dancing I told her that she smelt good. She started laughing at me. Really laughing. She didn't believe what I sad. I just remembered to keep my frame and I said "you know what I said". She then shut up and later on we kissed. I was really prolonging the moment, too much. She even said to me "are you embarassed about me?" because she was trying to figure out why I'm not
kissing her. Girls must be really used to getting quickly kissed so they try to figure out what is wrong with them. I'm just fooling around with them. I wasn't afraid to lose this girl, AT ALL. Actually for the first time I went out I had just a goal to briefly hook with a girl, maybe kiss, maybe sex (but I wasn't prepared). I wasn't thinking about girlfriends or anything romantic. So then she gave me a lapdance. Fuck that was awesome. Then we went out to talk a bit and she said something along the lines "ok we're dancing, but how long will we do it and what next?". So I thought let's say something Juggler and direct. I said (this was the first time in history I said something like this) "You are very sexy and I have to really control myself". It sounded strange so it might be the tonality, I'll never know, but she said "I don't mean that, I don't know you, I wanna know more about you". That gave me a reaction of withdrawal and I didn't feel like talking to her any more. From that moment I avoided her. I made a decision and commited to it to leave her. I wanted to say to her "OK it's over, let's end this". They don't teach this in the community. I didn't really know what to do, I thought truth will be the best but I didn't have the guts to say it. After avoiding her for the whole night she grabbed me and said "I had fun why are you avoiding me?", I felt really bad, I didn't want to say anything at all. I mumbled some stuff, which was really awkward and eventually we split. I think I avoid hooking up with girls not to get into these moments. This is really terrible. If not the alcohol and caffeine I think I would be an emotional wreck. If I want to be a PUA I can't feel pity for the girls. Right now I feel hopeless like this. At least I made a decision not to meet her and I know it is a good decision. That
feels good.

Things I want to learn:

- Styles eliciting values.

I found it hard to get from her something of value and therefore compliment on that. I couldn't escalate because of that, I could only say she is sexy. What I should've said is the truth: "I find you attractive, you are very sexy and I'm having a lot of fun with you but I don't know you really well and I need to know more to say something more about what I like about you" and then proceed to a chat and maybe eliciting values.

- Talking about myself

I didn't do the excercise to talk about my things in life. I have some of it done but I felt afraid of beginning some subjects. I need stories for each subject that I can talk about myself.

Things I learned:

I am very talkative with the right people. Maybe I should drink caffeine? I'm afraid to use it, but it produces effects, I'll see what happens, try it out.

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Mind trick:
1. I know how to not think and analyze in a social situation. Find something to play with with your hands. Your concious mind is drawn to the object and therefore cannot pay full attention to what you're talking about. The speaking is then FREE. Reading is also a great tool or eating.

2. Talk to 1 person at a time in a group or talk to anyone with 1 different listener in mind. Pick persons and then you will come up with things to say.

Biggest issue of all?

One of my biggest issues is something that might be called fear of success. I
need to meditate upon it, maybe release it. When I know something will work, I don't use it. Why is that? It started with
DYD, I got so pumped up because here I had a "laid guide", I knew every step
to do to get a woman. Yet, I never used it. And the reason why is that I know
it will work. I really believe this stuff works. What happens then frightens
me.
I believe I'm afraid what everyone will think about. That I could lose my family and friends, that they would not like the new me. I already did some work on accepting the fact that I might lose my friends in the process. I attach a lot of success to that, but what do I do next?

"fuck fear based decisions"

Btw. I still haven't made a REAL DECISION to approach women. I tried making a "decision session". Producing the feeling of knowing but it doesn't do shit. I felt MAYBE I can do it. That isn't KNOWING.

I need to remind myself of my own golden quotes. I think I have to write them down and memorize them everyday. Here are the best:

Never NEED anything from anyone. If you want something from someone just TAKE IT, but be prepared to LOSE IT.

I am the creative force in the world and only from the position of "I am the master of my fate" can I make changes."

State can be changed directly bt action alone.

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I was thinking about motivation. I don't do stuff often because I say "I don't really want this". Like thinking about approaching a girl. What bullshit. Of course I want to fuck her brains out. The reason why I'm not doing it is because I don't want the FEAR. I'm not doing it because of the fear not because I don't want to. SO WHEN I DON'T DO SOMETHING BECAUSE I'M AFRAID, I REALLY WANT TO DO IT, IF I SAY DIFFERENTLY I'M LYING.

Fear is not a reason to not do it! And fear is anykind of thinking: It won't work, I won't be able to, I expect, I don't feel like. Fuck expectancy and fuck fear based decisions!

Various thoughts

guitar playing - social interactions (neural networks trained by YOU)every decision is something learned by your networks
I learnt something today while learning to play a song on the guitar.The way you learn a song (and any other complex thing) is you use your conciousness in a role
of a teacher. Because it is not you that is playing. You are just teaching your hands to
play. When you hit a wrong note, you mentally backup and say "Wrong!" and go for it again,
repeat until it is done correctly. This way your neural networks are developed. You know that
they have learnt what you intended when you no longer have to conciously maintain your
playing. Your hands play by themselves.I realized today that, everything you do in life is a training process. For example: social
interactions. In every moment you make a decision, like to approach a person, to talk about
this, about that, to stand this way, to look there, to agree to their frame, to maintain your
frame... everytime you make a decision like that you are training your neural networks and
sooner or later you lose the awareness of what you taught them and they work on their own.
This is what I think is PERSONALITY. It is a sum of all the decisions you have made in your
life. It's just a set of trained neural networks, trained by YOU! The bad news is that you have a lot of bad training made, especially in your childhood. The
good news is you can retrain the neural networks.The way to do that is to start making new concious decisions. Know what your ideal self is
and make decisions based on what that person would do. Stick to them and notice that
everytime you make a decision that is not congruent with your ideal self you are reinforcing
the bad neural networks. Start building new better ones, each day, each minute, every moment.
Keep that image of yourself, right there, never let go, until you die.
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VictorMalvado
Get into the state (sincerity, power)
"I think you are incredibly beautiful... I really wanna meet you"
Vacuum.
"I know it's absurd cos I still don't know you. All I know about you is I think you are
really beatiful. And now I want to know what else you have."
Don't permit the bad thoughts. Interrupt them. Squash them:
Control the visuals. Look directly at the girl.Audio. Change the voice "Oh I like that girl, mmmmh I want to see what she's really like"."On the beach walk".

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If you try to remember and hold states that you had in the past and experiences you are not
letting yourself experience anything new. Hence you won't make a step further.
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Gain trust:Tell each other your ultimate fantasy.
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As Thucydides says:
"The secret of happiness is freedom. And the secret of freedom is courage."
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Just awesome:http://mybirthdaypony.blogspot.com/2006/12/conversation-as-art.html

Defaults

I've been watching "Reclaiming your true identity" with Tony Robbins. Wow what
a great guy he is. Vulnerability is power! I can walk anywhere and even feel
and act shy but it doesn't matter. It might work and if it doesn't there is
still a power within you and you can just not take shit from people. If they
feel that there is really power that is driving you they will respect you even
if you act weak.

Lately after a peak social encountering I dropped to a low. I am like I
always have been. As if nothing I did to improve myself ever did anything.
That is in terms of talking and doing what I want. Of course there are other
aspects that have improved I just was focused on these. There is little I can
do to change myself in terms of unblocking my mind to have a freeflow.
Sometimes you just are in a great state and everything flows. This probably
isn't even natural, you would have to take cocaine to be in this state
everyday. So what can I do about it? Nothing really but I can always do default things that will make me accomplish stuff instead of whining about my state. After I was really down at a party I came to these conclusions:

Default things to do when going to a social gathering:

1. Always have a goal.
This is the most important thing. It can be anything like talk to one person.
Say a joke. Look in the eyes of a woman for 3 secs. Commit yourself to the goal. Even if it is stupid train your neural networks to do what you want.

2. Don't think.
If you think too much that means you don't have a goal. You should be focused
on your goal and getting rid of excuses. Trying to change the state for the sake of changing your state is worthless. Focus on the goal, do action and the state will find you.

3. TAKE FUCKING RISKS YOU MOTHER FUCKER SHIT EATING PISS EATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Real decisions

Radical HonestY:
"The source of our power to produce the results we want does not lie in our
beliefs, our hopes, or our time-consuming struggle to change. The person who
says he wants to lose weight, but says he just can't give up midnight snacks,
may believe he is in a struggle between "being good" and "giving in" to his
cravings, but in fact he has already chosen to keep snacking. The "struggle"
that he describes serves to hide this fact."
"The contradictions between our principles and our behavior are only
superficial, only invented for the sake of appearance and to avoid
acknowledging our terrifying power to make things happen."

I need to DECIDE to approach women with my whole being because that is the
only thing there is. There is no struggle or approach anxiety. I decide way
before to approach or not. I must make a commitment. Real decisions are felt, like a deep sense of KNOWING. All decisions that
change life are like that. Until I know with my WHOLE SELF that I will
approach a girl I won't ever do it. Commit or die. I create my life, there is
only ME.When I recall real decisions they consist of:- not ever considering a different possibility ever again- a memorable reason that motivates usually a fear of loss- need to change because nothing is working as you want it to
In short:

REAL DECISION

1. ETERNAL COMMITMENT

2. MEMORABLE REASON

3. NO PERSPECTIVES

Whenever I made a real decision in life I would be previously struggling with
some aspect of life. It would cause pain and there would be always fear. Once
the decision was made, suddenly everything was clear and the fear was not
there. The whole being knew what it was going to do. When I stop feeling
nervous about going out and meeting women I will know that I have DECIDED and there is no going back.
These decisions where always made in a split second. After reading or hearing a sentence. Just a snap decision and there is KNOWING about a real decision.
I will stop lying to myself. Until I feel a deep sense of knowing that I've commited I won't be playing the "trying" "struggling" game.

AFC thinking

The second source of AFC thinking: specializing.
The belief that there is one person that will 'match' you and all your skills will impress her instead of being generally attractive.

Jack

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"If you wanna fuck women, you can't be shy"
Jack

"Talk dirty to me" is the number 1 porn movie. Jack is my role-model.If I don't behave like him towards women there is no hope for me.
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Yesterday I did emotional releasing on the topic of: becoming succesful and having a girl in my life. It was a deep issue, I hope it worked.I tried also to reframe comfort zones as painful zones. It happens that they are pain zones, so the reframe was wrong.

Review of last outings

3 days ago I went to a club. I was in a really great mood before. I noticed I didn't even think for a second about what to say or being not talkative or anything with my friends. I was just the center of attention. In the club I got different feelings. Now this was really wierd. I really felt that all women want me. And that caused me to try to runaway from them. I was afraid of them. I didn't want to get off from the pedestal I brought up for my self. So it ended with nothing. I didn't have strict plans also because the outing was spontaneous.
Things that helped me: I stood for about 30 minutes and just observed people, got in touch with myself and my goals. After that it was easier. I found an attractive girl and danced around her letting her know I'm interested. Nothing happened cause she left. I have to get into this state quicker in the future. Actions, actions, actions. State can be changed by actions alone. And I really need to focus on my intentions. I need to remember my goals. My friends are really distracting me. I am the most important person here, I need to remember or find a way to not be distracted.

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Yesterday I went out. I asked one dude about the bus. It was special because I decided to do it at this bus stop. When I approached it, nearly all the people went away. But I focused on my goal and decided to commit to it. I found one random dude and asked him. I wouldn't do it earlier if there wasn't a right person. Two things mattered here: habit (I approached 10 people earlier,
previous post), commitment (decision to do it no matter what). This is how I want to train myself. I will train my brain to do what I want. I will make a decision to do something at a place and I will stay there until I do what I intended to. If I do this a lot of times finally I will have emotions of guilt that will prevent me from not doing it! Great. This requires discipline and
time. I need to really think about what specifically I want to do and why then I can to stop thinking :).

Good

Yesterday I listened Vangelis Voices. It had a deep emotional impact on me.
For about 3 songs I was conciously feeling the bad feeling that I had for a
couple of days and then came the happy tune and I was smiling. I slept like a
baby and today I finally felt GOOD. So it was not a chemical problem, because I have endorphins pumping in me now. The problem was an emotional imprint. It's like you have to clear out all the negative emotions that are locked inside you (kinda like Dianetics).
I decided also yesterday to approach 10 people and ask some crap. I did it today. I was maybe at square one but the recovery process is faster. I can't do courage based on past experiences, you
make courage at every moment and you have to deal with it in the NOW. You
don't have to remember past experiences, they help you perform unconciously
which is great. I am very relaxed when talking to strangers. The technqiue
from my previous post works, the purpose is very important. There are just 2 problems:
I feel that not all people are worth approaching. I really believed that until I found it is a limiting belief. I can't judge people based on looks and besides filtering people out doesn't help me in any way, I have to learn to deal with everyone.
Second problem: I feel the need to act out what I asked. Like when I ask for the bus, after that I pretend to be really interested. Bullshit I only wanted to ask the person, fuck what he/she thinks about me asking!

Square one

I was out today again. I realized I won't go to a coffee shop or anything. I
have this strange depression-like anxiety. I'm feeling really wierd. On the
thinking level everything is normal. I have no neurotic thought patterns. Also
I get everything done and it looks normal outside. But on the inside I feel bad and
desperate. I realize it's just a feeling and I believe it's a chemical
inbalance. It might be because of my recent illness something is missing
biologically in me or it might be a lack of sth social. I haven't been really
social lately, I haven't seen my friends in a long time, that might be it too.
Anyways decided to see what stage I'm at and ask 3 people for the time or sth.
I couldn't do it. Back to square one I guess.I realized that I can beat feelings I just have to have a good plan. This is what worked before and I will use it again. Social situations have too many
random variables that's why you have to make it as clear as possible. I'll try making it clear like this:

Goal: Ask first friendly person X in location Y about Z
Purpose: I want to meet people at place Y, this will help me feel more comfortable

So goal and purpose. When I recall times when I didn't do my goals I really didn't have a purpose in them. I need to work on the purpose to motivate myself.

Fear destroyer

I went out today. Walked for a couple of hours and did eye contact. Went into
one venue to feel how it is and check out what people are coming in. Coffee
shops are the definite place to meet girls. I just have to make the decision to
go in there and talk to them. I just gotta do the courage, that's it.I stood near a really nice, attractive girl today in the bus. I did nothing. I
didn't plan to. I thought that after listening to Shark's CD's my behaviour
would become automatic and I would be fearless. It's the same as always, I
just have new beliefs and plans on what will work. I felt really regretful
after she went off. One of Shark's techniques is the fear destroyer. Remind
yourself of past failures, when you didn't approach girls. Feel the regret. It
is there for a reason. I will feel it as deeply as possible, the next time I'm
in a situation like this. It doesn't matter if I plan to pick-up this girl or
not. Just realize that your life will be misery if you keep doing nothing.