Wow. Where to begin. I want to document this fully.
During the past few days during christmas and at the end of the year we had a lot of guests in house and it was really social. I was completely introverted. I regressed to the worst version of me, I only could talk some cynical jokes, not maintain eye contact and feeling bad about the whole situation, trying every trick in the book without any hope of being better. Nothing helped me except external stuff like dependancy on how many and what people I would talk to. Nothing at all thinking-wise helped me. Nothing. This is the sad part of self-help.
On the New Years day I knew I had to focus on specific goals for the party. I wrote the goals down. They were: 10 eye contacts, 3 smiles, 1 joke or anecdote, 1 convo with a newly met person lasting more than 2 minutes. Then I proceeded to prepare material. It wasn't a lot, I reminded myself some stories and jokes and I was off to go. For the last 3 days I was listening to a hypnotic tape I created, imagining myself as Jack, the day before New Years I also listened to Paul Mckenna Self-confidence booster in act of desperation (I think I need to revert to the old thinking about hypnosis and subconcious because it is proven to work).
Now while preparing to get out and while getting to the party I was thinking about the whole party all the time. Positively visualizing every aspect and what I would say and what my state of mind would be. I didn't focus on positivity I just focused on my goals and knew what I had to be thinking of to get there. 15 minutes before getting to the spot I was really ANTICIPATING the party. I was helluva motivated. Really WANTING to have fun and SOCIALIZE. I KNEW it would be great. Once I got there, there wasn't a minute I would not talk to somebody. I got my friends there and I was talking ALL THE TIME. Having fun joking around. Had no problem with talking to strangers. I actually started talking to 4 or more persons. It was really easy. I didn't use any canned lines. I actually found a way to interact with everybody by pouring drinks or asking about the food.
Everything was effortless.I had one moment of hesitation, I was pouring drinks and these 2 girls came next to me. From before I knew that it was on between me and this girl, let's call her HBMed. I had like 2-3 heartbeats of hesitation until I managed to ask them if they wanna drink with me. From then, 10 seconds later we were friends. There were awkward moments. There were moments like this with her all the time. I am not really calibrated with girls talking 1-1 with girls. I know now what to say (the truth) to them, but when I say it comes as very cheesy or rehearsed. Because it is the first time I ever did anything like this. Anyway she was drunk so didn't really contemplate on my mistakes. She wanted to dance with me and I challenged her on a game of "who sings this song". I knew I were wrong but I used the most important lesson of the evening.
MAINTAIN THE FRAME AT ALL COSTS
This is something I picked up from my father. I was analyzing his behaviour the same day and thought, wow he is totally wrong but him controlling the frame is attractive. So I used that. While dancing I told her that she smelt good. She started laughing at me. Really laughing. She didn't believe what I sad. I just remembered to keep my frame and I said "you know what I said". She then shut up and later on we kissed. I was really prolonging the moment, too much. She even said to me "are you embarassed about me?" because she was trying to figure out why I'm not
kissing her. Girls must be really used to getting quickly kissed so they try to figure out what is wrong with them. I'm just fooling around with them. I wasn't afraid to lose this girl, AT ALL. Actually for the first time I went out I had just a goal to briefly hook with a girl, maybe kiss, maybe sex (but I wasn't prepared). I wasn't thinking about girlfriends or anything romantic. So then she gave me a lapdance. Fuck that was awesome. Then we went out to talk a bit and she said something along the lines "ok we're dancing, but how long will we do it and what next?". So I thought let's say something Juggler and direct. I said (this was the first time in history I said something like this) "You are very sexy and I have to really control myself". It sounded strange so it might be the tonality, I'll never know, but she said "I don't mean that, I don't know you, I wanna know more about you". That gave me a reaction of withdrawal and I didn't feel like talking to her any more. From that moment I avoided her. I made a decision and commited to it to leave her. I wanted to say to her "OK it's over, let's end this". They don't teach this in the community. I didn't really know what to do, I thought truth will be the best but I didn't have the guts to say it. After avoiding her for the whole night she grabbed me and said "I had fun why are you avoiding me?", I felt really bad, I didn't want to say anything at all. I mumbled some stuff, which was really awkward and eventually we split. I think I avoid hooking up with girls not to get into these moments. This is really terrible. If not the alcohol and caffeine I think I would be an emotional wreck. If I want to be a PUA I can't feel pity for the girls. Right now I feel hopeless like this. At least I made a decision not to meet her and I know it is a good decision. That
feels good.
Things I want to learn:
- Styles eliciting values.
I found it hard to get from her something of value and therefore compliment on that. I couldn't escalate because of that, I could only say she is sexy. What I should've said is the truth: "I find you attractive, you are very sexy and I'm having a lot of fun with you but I don't know you really well and I need to know more to say something more about what I like about you" and then proceed to a chat and maybe eliciting values.
- Talking about myself
I didn't do the excercise to talk about my things in life. I have some of it done but I felt afraid of beginning some subjects. I need stories for each subject that I can talk about myself.
Things I learned:
I am very talkative with the right people. Maybe I should drink caffeine? I'm afraid to use it, but it produces effects, I'll see what happens, try it out.
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Mind trick:
1. I know how to not think and analyze in a social situation. Find something to play with with your hands. Your concious mind is drawn to the object and therefore cannot pay full attention to what you're talking about. The speaking is then FREE. Reading is also a great tool or eating.
