I'm still on my mental diet. Yesterday I listened to a subliminal shyness track and then social phobia hypnosis tape. I went to a whole day driving course today. I didn't have any specific goals, just decided to train FOCUS. When I got there I sat in a place that draws attention (near the food and coffee). I was all relaxed and alpha-comfy (new term lol) and then this girl came in and sat in front of me. When she saw me she just had this OMG look on her face and a big smile (yes it was on). She is unbelievably cute and I instantly felt horny for her. I knew it was on so I instantly assumed rapport with her. I didn't speak to her but we shared a few smiles and jokes. I did an extremely good joke for everyone near the food and she was cracked up. If I wouldn't feel so goddamn sleepy maybe I would be more active and follow it up with something. Anyways it was great.
I realized one thing: why you shouldn't place extreme value on a good outcome.
This seems like a bible thing but there is a psychological basis for it. It's simple, if you are proud of your success you will attach excessive meaning to it and hence you will fear losing it. This brings you to hell, because on the surface you are succesful but really you're fearful.\
Now I tried analyzing this girl. My logical brain came up to these conclusions: she's too young (she looks like she's 16, I don't now how old she really is, knowing life she's 21), she wears clothes like from the beginning of the decade (this is really strange, nobody dresses like her), she might be sexually not aware. I realized these are all assumptions and I should ditch them if I want to have any success with her. All my life I have made assumptions using my logic and it brought me knowhere. So I made an agreement to use my penis brain. He really wants to fuck her. I will let him do the work. But we must join forces because he doesn't really know what to do. He doesn't know that you have to approach her first and show interest. So for tomorrow I agreed to get into a state of power/focus, sit next to her and start a fun conversation. Just have fun with her and let my desire for her shine on.
When sitting there today I used both FOCUS and concentration as described by J. Krishnamurti (awareness of everything instead of dividing stuff trying to concentrate) which is also a state I call Actor Ready (a similar state described in an actors training book).
So FOCUS to accomplish goals (like staring, talking), in a group and be prepared
all the time to be witty and funny, by being in Actor Ready.
Now I need to watch more David X because if I don't change my state tomorrow I will fall into my default patterns.
