I have 14 or 15 convos. I don't really know. I had some beers today and can't recall some of the approaches. The thing about alcohol for me is that it doesn't do anything for removing the fear it just helps to forget quicker what I've just done. Good for dealing with embarassment but that's all.
Most of my convos are really semiconvos. It's not like there is a real discussion but I'm breaking through my comfort zones constantly. There is a million things to talk about and if you go blank or don't know what to say next it is just because you are not feeling COMFORTABLE talking to a stranger. If I approach a person and he catches on my vibe and is friendly we can talk for hours because we are comfortable. Also you are comfortable with friends and family that's why you can talk to them easily about anything. So my point is: don't worry about having good or long conversations, completing this bootcamp is just a process which makes you more and more comfortable. I don't see any short-cut, just approach people constantly and have the most awkward conversations in the world but it is worth it, you will look one day back at this and laugh because you will know that you've done good.
-------------------
The mind-hack described in my precious post didn't work today. I might be doing it wrong. The process worked for getting more motivation and a confident mood. I definitely want to use it for that. It's a hard thing for fear. I think it worked yesterday because of my sexual state, I was really in a higher place of being and because of that the mind-hack worked better or was just a gimmick.
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Saturday, May 13, 2006
Bootcamp w2d5
These convos are a hard thing for me. Sometimes it's easy sometimes it is impossible. I need to make a systematic approach without worring about the results. That will make it easier. I discovered a mind-hack today to overcome fear and do what you want. I didn't test it well because I did it when I was coming back home in a bus. I used it to maintain a really long sexual eye contact with an attractive girl, which I never did before. I'll test it tomorrow and I'll tell you what it is, if it works for starting convos. My count so far: 11/15.
Thomas94305: Hehe the opener is for flippinfreak not for me, we need to give him more assignments ). What about something simple: Hey babe, wanna masturbate each other?
----------------------------------------------------
Tomorrow I want to go out and test something that might be powerful. It will be hard and time consuming but it will pay for life-time. Basically it is belief changing in command mode. It is a mind-hack taken from "The multiple self" from dirtsimple.org. When you WANT something try to do it. If fear arises start to RATIONALIZE. "Mind lines" comes in handy to reframe all beliefs that your brain will throw out when you are in this state. Now go back to the fear and now IMAGINE IN COMMAND MODE that you are COMBINING THESE TWO AREAS of your brain. The neural networks of fear and the networks of rationalizing will combine and fear will be destroyed and you will DO what you WANTED to. The "doing" part is done once you believe the combining has been done. It will be a strong feeling of faith. You will know that this is it and then you will DO IT. How do you WANT something? Wanting is based on goals. I don't know yet who sets goals, but it is irrelevant right now. Let's say your goal is to overcome all personal barriers. A good motivation to do this is to try doing the opposite of what you have always done. Do the OPPOSITE is a powerful motivator that I want to use. It will be a weapon in the rationalizing part.
Things I've learned today: if you are establishing a new habit you are starting from zero. From that point your brain does not know what you want to do. If you go to the mall with the intention of talking with people, the brain does not know what exactly that means and you will end up doing nothing. That's how it works. So in order to start conversations you must set up clear goals that are familiar. You must pick a person and pick a topic. If this is entirely new the 3 second rule will fail. Only when the brain knows what you are up to it will follow gladly the 3 second rule. So pick a target, pick a line to deliver and then DO IT. How to do it? This is described in my previous post. I have an answer to the last question.
how do you "don't expect any result"?
By focusing on the process. It is a matter of attention. Attention is everything. Awareness radius. These are topics that I might write about later.
Also... how do you not NEED anything? You must realize that if you need emotions you can create them. If you want to feel joy for example after approaching a girl, just feel it now. If you can feel it now you won't need anything from that girl therefore your approach will be comfortable. And when you're COMFORTABLE YOU CAN DO ANYTHING.
I tested that today with no spectacular results. It is a tool in the mind-hack toolset that I want to test out more.
Thomas94305: Hehe the opener is for flippinfreak not for me, we need to give him more assignments ). What about something simple: Hey babe, wanna masturbate each other?
----------------------------------------------------
Tomorrow I want to go out and test something that might be powerful. It will be hard and time consuming but it will pay for life-time. Basically it is belief changing in command mode. It is a mind-hack taken from "The multiple self" from dirtsimple.org. When you WANT something try to do it. If fear arises start to RATIONALIZE. "Mind lines" comes in handy to reframe all beliefs that your brain will throw out when you are in this state. Now go back to the fear and now IMAGINE IN COMMAND MODE that you are COMBINING THESE TWO AREAS of your brain. The neural networks of fear and the networks of rationalizing will combine and fear will be destroyed and you will DO what you WANTED to. The "doing" part is done once you believe the combining has been done. It will be a strong feeling of faith. You will know that this is it and then you will DO IT. How do you WANT something? Wanting is based on goals. I don't know yet who sets goals, but it is irrelevant right now. Let's say your goal is to overcome all personal barriers. A good motivation to do this is to try doing the opposite of what you have always done. Do the OPPOSITE is a powerful motivator that I want to use. It will be a weapon in the rationalizing part.
Things I've learned today: if you are establishing a new habit you are starting from zero. From that point your brain does not know what you want to do. If you go to the mall with the intention of talking with people, the brain does not know what exactly that means and you will end up doing nothing. That's how it works. So in order to start conversations you must set up clear goals that are familiar. You must pick a person and pick a topic. If this is entirely new the 3 second rule will fail. Only when the brain knows what you are up to it will follow gladly the 3 second rule. So pick a target, pick a line to deliver and then DO IT. How to do it? This is described in my previous post. I have an answer to the last question.
how do you "don't expect any result"?
By focusing on the process. It is a matter of attention. Attention is everything. Awareness radius. These are topics that I might write about later.
Also... how do you not NEED anything? You must realize that if you need emotions you can create them. If you want to feel joy for example after approaching a girl, just feel it now. If you can feel it now you won't need anything from that girl therefore your approach will be comfortable. And when you're COMFORTABLE YOU CAN DO ANYTHING.
I tested that today with no spectacular results. It is a tool in the mind-hack toolset that I want to test out more.
Friday, May 12, 2006
Bootcamp w2d4
I was in a very social mood earlier today. My brain was certainly doing it's homework at night. I went to the swimming pool and was chatting everyone up. I even became the alpha man in one moment, with girls asking me questions and me vibing with them and their groups. Great stuff! These weren't proper conversations but I will count it as two:
So my count is: 9/15.
3 customs of an alpha-male:
1. Smile
2. Sense of humour
3. Social
How do you DO IT? You hear this a lot: "Just do it", "Do it anyway", "Do it now". But how does one "do it"?
First of all you have to realize the duality of your nature. You are really two things.
1. The body, which is in fact an animal called a human. It has a brain which is not you. "You" is something else and that is:
2. The consciousness, which is a recent addition to the brain of the animal. It's a new module as you may call it. This is "you", the self-awareness, the soul, or any other name. You got the idea.
Wave your hand.
If you did it, who really did it? You might say, "well I did it". Really? How do you know how to wave your hand? Did you take part in the process of getting the responsible neural networks to dispatch an electric signal and send it to the muscles in your hand? No, you did not. It was the human, the brain that did that. What did "YOU" really do? You thought about it.
Now think about what power do you actually have over this body? What is the function of consciousness. You get signals from the brain which you interpret as thoughts. Then you attach meanings to those thoughts based on your self-awareness. And that is the only purpose of "YOU" - the function of the brain. Here it is again, remember this: "you attach meanings to thoughts based on your self-awareness".
Let's say you are in a group of people and you want to make them laugh. You have a joke and you want to tell it. You are thinking of telling the joke and then you feel fear. You start thinking about all the stuff that might go wrong, that you will be judged, that you won't be funny. Also you're thinking about expections that you want the joke to produce. These expectations cause more fear of loss. Loss of an image, of an expectation. Why don't you do it? Because you feel fear. How can YOU overcome this? Remember the only purpose of consciousness? You can only attach meaning. If you attach a meaning to telling the joke, that you just want to learn from telling it and see what reactions there are you will attach a new meaning. On what meanings does the brain act on? Meanings are fullfiled based on BELIEFS. If you believe that you are just playing and learning then that meaning will be powerful, and you will DO IT. If you change your beliefs or change your meanings based on the beliefs you already have than you will DO IT.
A second problem is motivation. Do you ever encounter a job you must do that you know will take long and will be hard and will not give you pleasure? Or even will give you pleasure but you just don't feel motivated enough to do it? This is a wide topic and can be delt with the belief change like described earlier. Changing beliefs is a long task. I created a mind hack to overcome this quicker.
Wave your hand.
Now wave your hand 100 times.
Why didn't you do it? Why didn't you wave your hand 100 times? Because you started thinking about it, you started attaching meaning to it and eventually you realized it will be too time consuming and won't give you any positive result. But what if you really want to do it? You can force yourself to do it, the so called willpower. What will happen? You will get negative responses from the brain, you will start feeling tired or silly or any other emotion and you will eventually stop. So how can you do it? Remember how you waved your hand once? Was there any thinking involved in the process? When I do it, I have a maximum of one thought that is easy to overcome by attaching any meaning. It is very easy to do it. What is waving your hand 100 times? It is just that, wave your hand ONCE but ONE HUNDRED times. So wave your gand. Now wave your hand and so on... There is no thinking involved, there is just a counter in the back of your head that keeps track of this. The brain doesn't question what you are doing. And that is how you make big things done.
To sum this up:
If you don't have motivation, you don't have a strong belief to make it done.
Use the mind hack of dividing the task into small pieces and just focus on one at a time -> DIVIDE AND CONQUER.
Now, if you feel fear or any kind of emotion that prevents you from doing things. Realize that those are responses from the brain based on your desires of doing something. Ignore them. You can feel the fear and do it anyway.
This is the point where most self-help books fail. They don't tell you how to "Do it anyway". How to DO IT!?
Well, I'm here to tell you this great secret. Remember what is the only function of consciousness? You can only attach meaning. So, always in your life when you did something consciously you had to attach any kind of meaning. So when you are overcoming fear you must attach meaning in order to ignore it. How to attach a meaning that ignores emotions? Don't EXPECT any result.
If you don't expect anything the fear is pointless, it becomes just what it is, a pure thought.
You will do it anyway, only if you don't EXPECT any result.
Now... how do you "don't expect any result"?
So my count is: 9/15.
3 customs of an alpha-male:
1. Smile
2. Sense of humour
3. Social
How do you DO IT? You hear this a lot: "Just do it", "Do it anyway", "Do it now". But how does one "do it"?
First of all you have to realize the duality of your nature. You are really two things.
1. The body, which is in fact an animal called a human. It has a brain which is not you. "You" is something else and that is:
2. The consciousness, which is a recent addition to the brain of the animal. It's a new module as you may call it. This is "you", the self-awareness, the soul, or any other name. You got the idea.
Wave your hand.
If you did it, who really did it? You might say, "well I did it". Really? How do you know how to wave your hand? Did you take part in the process of getting the responsible neural networks to dispatch an electric signal and send it to the muscles in your hand? No, you did not. It was the human, the brain that did that. What did "YOU" really do? You thought about it.
Now think about what power do you actually have over this body? What is the function of consciousness. You get signals from the brain which you interpret as thoughts. Then you attach meanings to those thoughts based on your self-awareness. And that is the only purpose of "YOU" - the function of the brain. Here it is again, remember this: "you attach meanings to thoughts based on your self-awareness".
Let's say you are in a group of people and you want to make them laugh. You have a joke and you want to tell it. You are thinking of telling the joke and then you feel fear. You start thinking about all the stuff that might go wrong, that you will be judged, that you won't be funny. Also you're thinking about expections that you want the joke to produce. These expectations cause more fear of loss. Loss of an image, of an expectation. Why don't you do it? Because you feel fear. How can YOU overcome this? Remember the only purpose of consciousness? You can only attach meaning. If you attach a meaning to telling the joke, that you just want to learn from telling it and see what reactions there are you will attach a new meaning. On what meanings does the brain act on? Meanings are fullfiled based on BELIEFS. If you believe that you are just playing and learning then that meaning will be powerful, and you will DO IT. If you change your beliefs or change your meanings based on the beliefs you already have than you will DO IT.
A second problem is motivation. Do you ever encounter a job you must do that you know will take long and will be hard and will not give you pleasure? Or even will give you pleasure but you just don't feel motivated enough to do it? This is a wide topic and can be delt with the belief change like described earlier. Changing beliefs is a long task. I created a mind hack to overcome this quicker.
Wave your hand.
Now wave your hand 100 times.
Why didn't you do it? Why didn't you wave your hand 100 times? Because you started thinking about it, you started attaching meaning to it and eventually you realized it will be too time consuming and won't give you any positive result. But what if you really want to do it? You can force yourself to do it, the so called willpower. What will happen? You will get negative responses from the brain, you will start feeling tired or silly or any other emotion and you will eventually stop. So how can you do it? Remember how you waved your hand once? Was there any thinking involved in the process? When I do it, I have a maximum of one thought that is easy to overcome by attaching any meaning. It is very easy to do it. What is waving your hand 100 times? It is just that, wave your hand ONCE but ONE HUNDRED times. So wave your gand. Now wave your hand and so on... There is no thinking involved, there is just a counter in the back of your head that keeps track of this. The brain doesn't question what you are doing. And that is how you make big things done.
To sum this up:
If you don't have motivation, you don't have a strong belief to make it done.
Use the mind hack of dividing the task into small pieces and just focus on one at a time -> DIVIDE AND CONQUER.
Now, if you feel fear or any kind of emotion that prevents you from doing things. Realize that those are responses from the brain based on your desires of doing something. Ignore them. You can feel the fear and do it anyway.
This is the point where most self-help books fail. They don't tell you how to "Do it anyway". How to DO IT!?
Well, I'm here to tell you this great secret. Remember what is the only function of consciousness? You can only attach meaning. So, always in your life when you did something consciously you had to attach any kind of meaning. So when you are overcoming fear you must attach meaning in order to ignore it. How to attach a meaning that ignores emotions? Don't EXPECT any result.
If you don't expect anything the fear is pointless, it becomes just what it is, a pure thought.
You will do it anyway, only if you don't EXPECT any result.
Now... how do you "don't expect any result"?
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Bootcamp w2d3
It takes 21 days for breaking and establishing a new habit (that's what I've heard). So gentlemen, in 11 days we will be new men! ("We are the sum of our habits"!)
I did 3 conversations with "people that are payed to talk to you" today. It still needed some courage, I'm counting that as 1. Later I did 2 conversations with some old dudes. It's incredible how people are just waiting there for you to start a conversation!
So, my current count is 7/15 .
My notes on CONFIDENCE:
I see a lot of discussion about this issue on these forums. Here's what I realized today about confidence or lack of it. Lack of confidence is just an excuse for not making any progress. Is confidence a real thing? Was anybody ever hit in the head with a confidence? No, because it is a pure thought and no real obstacle. Lack of confidence is not an excuse. Today I caught myself doing this, I was thinking that I need to be confident to do something, to approach a person and start a conversation. No, the real reason for me not approaching is FEAR OF THE RESULTS of an interaction. And that can be anything: embarassment, pain, guilt, dates, commitments, blow-jobs. In order to eliminate that fear I need to detach from the outcome. You've probably heard this before, but try to understand it. To detach succesfully from the outcome DO NOT EXPECT ANYTHING. Expecting something leads to NEEDINESS and neediness leads to FEAR OF LOSS. And that loss is something imaginary in the future, so it is illogical. How to not need anything? That's what I want to know, my guess would be inner piece... One question for you guys: what would you rather have 1. No fear of doing anything or knowing how to ignore it or 2. Have all the skills in the world but be paralyzed when thinking of applying them?
Quote:
Open it.. don't try to "force" it to go to any length.
Tom, very true. Also thinking about the amazing things you are gonna talk about before you approach causes anxiety.
-------------
Here are some better conversation tips from Jugglers crew. I find it much better than the geeky stuff on this forum like "nouning":
http://www.charismaarts.com/blog/Chad/9
http://www.charismaarts.com/blog/Chad/10
http://www.charismaarts.com/blog/Chad/11
I did 3 conversations with "people that are payed to talk to you" today. It still needed some courage, I'm counting that as 1. Later I did 2 conversations with some old dudes. It's incredible how people are just waiting there for you to start a conversation!
So, my current count is 7/15 .
My notes on CONFIDENCE:
I see a lot of discussion about this issue on these forums. Here's what I realized today about confidence or lack of it. Lack of confidence is just an excuse for not making any progress. Is confidence a real thing? Was anybody ever hit in the head with a confidence? No, because it is a pure thought and no real obstacle. Lack of confidence is not an excuse. Today I caught myself doing this, I was thinking that I need to be confident to do something, to approach a person and start a conversation. No, the real reason for me not approaching is FEAR OF THE RESULTS of an interaction. And that can be anything: embarassment, pain, guilt, dates, commitments, blow-jobs. In order to eliminate that fear I need to detach from the outcome. You've probably heard this before, but try to understand it. To detach succesfully from the outcome DO NOT EXPECT ANYTHING. Expecting something leads to NEEDINESS and neediness leads to FEAR OF LOSS. And that loss is something imaginary in the future, so it is illogical. How to not need anything? That's what I want to know, my guess would be inner piece... One question for you guys: what would you rather have 1. No fear of doing anything or knowing how to ignore it or 2. Have all the skills in the world but be paralyzed when thinking of applying them?
Quote:
Open it.. don't try to "force" it to go to any length.
Tom, very true. Also thinking about the amazing things you are gonna talk about before you approach causes anxiety.
-------------
Here are some better conversation tips from Jugglers crew. I find it much better than the geeky stuff on this forum like "nouning":
http://www.charismaarts.com/blog/Chad/9
http://www.charismaarts.com/blog/Chad/10
http://www.charismaarts.com/blog/Chad/11
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Bootcamp w2d2
My current count:
4/15
Quote:
I'm having problems keeping the conversations going, this has ALWAYS been a problem for me to do, to constantly pound out things to talk about. Should I just make the first couple sound like an interrogation until I get used to the doing this?? Like just suck for the sake of sucking in the begining so I can get over whatever fear it is I have? To just let myself come off as a little desperate for talk?
That's what I'm doing. I can discuss contemporary philosophy or bring out the funniest parts of my life with my friends, but with strangers I suck. I have a psychic barrier that I need to overcome and that is the point between "I'm just asking about something" to "You seem interesting, let's get to know each other". As somebody wrote on these forums: It is impossible to not have anything to say. Having stuff to say is a matter of social calibration. Once you've done this a lot you just know what to say and do. But if you've never done this before you will stall every moment. I'm making baby steps with conversations, I'm still learning that people are generally friendly and are happy to talk.
4/15
Quote:
I'm having problems keeping the conversations going, this has ALWAYS been a problem for me to do, to constantly pound out things to talk about. Should I just make the first couple sound like an interrogation until I get used to the doing this?? Like just suck for the sake of sucking in the begining so I can get over whatever fear it is I have? To just let myself come off as a little desperate for talk?
That's what I'm doing. I can discuss contemporary philosophy or bring out the funniest parts of my life with my friends, but with strangers I suck. I have a psychic barrier that I need to overcome and that is the point between "I'm just asking about something" to "You seem interesting, let's get to know each other". As somebody wrote on these forums: It is impossible to not have anything to say. Having stuff to say is a matter of social calibration. Once you've done this a lot you just know what to say and do. But if you've never done this before you will stall every moment. I'm making baby steps with conversations, I'm still learning that people are generally friendly and are happy to talk.
Bootcamp w2d1
Here goes the first report for week 2:
I hit the streets today. I didn't feel right, I wasn't in a social mood, rather shy. So I sat down let myself tune in. I drank a coffee. After that I felt really
great and friendly. Maybe caffeine has the same effect as cocaine ? . I was trying to talk to people with a mindset "I want to talk to somebody, anybody?". I think it is a wrong frame, it produces desperation and fear because you NEED something. So I switched that line and I walked around thinking "Who wants to talk with me?". This is a powerful line for me, however there are no people on the streets that want to talk to me .
Things I hate:
- ipods (people can't listen to their own thoughts so they distract themselves and you can't talk to them)
- bums and beggars (it's because of these individuals people don't do EC and greet themselves on streets)
- cellphones (people use phones because they hate being together and they are too scared of being alone)
Later I went to my university and there I striked two conversations with some dudes. They weren't even 2 minutes and were more like an interogation, lol, but I never did this before so I'm counting it:
Convo's:
2/15
Some other observations about me (worth reading if you're in the same phase of life as me) -
I woke up today with a totally different perspective of life. Yesterday I watched "Fight Club", for the second time. This time I liked the movie because I understood the message. The thing that hit me in the head was Tyler Durden's words:
"Its not until you lose everything that you are free to do anything"
Wow I thought... I must lose everything that I thought I was up to this point in the area of dealing with women. I have to lose the idea that I am perfect, that I'm a ladies man, that I can use techniques to conquer the female kind. The more you go out and see the reality as it is, the more you ACCEPT it. This bootcamp is helping me accept who I am at this point and what I need to learn and do.
I was feeling very content with this idea that I have nothing right now. Several beatiful women stood or sat down close to me today, and they were giving IOI's clearly. Instead of getting nervous like I usually do and trying to think of something to do I just thought: "Go away I have no idea what to do with you". And that made me extraordinarly comfortable with their presence. Funny eh?
I hit the streets today. I didn't feel right, I wasn't in a social mood, rather shy. So I sat down let myself tune in. I drank a coffee. After that I felt really
great and friendly. Maybe caffeine has the same effect as cocaine ? . I was trying to talk to people with a mindset "I want to talk to somebody, anybody?". I think it is a wrong frame, it produces desperation and fear because you NEED something. So I switched that line and I walked around thinking "Who wants to talk with me?". This is a powerful line for me, however there are no people on the streets that want to talk to me .
Things I hate:
- ipods (people can't listen to their own thoughts so they distract themselves and you can't talk to them)
- bums and beggars (it's because of these individuals people don't do EC and greet themselves on streets)
- cellphones (people use phones because they hate being together and they are too scared of being alone)
Later I went to my university and there I striked two conversations with some dudes. They weren't even 2 minutes and were more like an interogation, lol, but I never did this before so I'm counting it:
Convo's:
2/15
Some other observations about me (worth reading if you're in the same phase of life as me) -
I woke up today with a totally different perspective of life. Yesterday I watched "Fight Club", for the second time. This time I liked the movie because I understood the message. The thing that hit me in the head was Tyler Durden's words:
"Its not until you lose everything that you are free to do anything"
Wow I thought... I must lose everything that I thought I was up to this point in the area of dealing with women. I have to lose the idea that I am perfect, that I'm a ladies man, that I can use techniques to conquer the female kind. The more you go out and see the reality as it is, the more you ACCEPT it. This bootcamp is helping me accept who I am at this point and what I need to learn and do.
I was feeling very content with this idea that I have nothing right now. Several beatiful women stood or sat down close to me today, and they were giving IOI's clearly. Instead of getting nervous like I usually do and trying to think of something to do I just thought: "Go away I have no idea what to do with you". And that made me extraordinarly comfortable with their presence. Funny eh?
Monday, May 08, 2006
It's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything.
I have nothing.
I don't need nothing.
I don't need nothing.
Friday, May 05, 2006
Bootcamp - w1d5
It's the summer of George babe! :)
I did 15 Hi's today and therefore my count is:
[B]50/50[/B] !!!
I'm taking a break since I'm wasted and am waiting for week 2.
Thomas94305: I will write a little about my self-talk since I really analyze myself a lot. Here is my take on the "Hi" assignment, if it will help somebody then great!
Generally thinking and self-talk is bad when doing this. But how not to think and just do it? Well you have to convince yourself (your brain and your body) that you really WANT to do this. There are 3 things that helped me complete this task:
1. Mindset (or frame of mind)
2. Focus on the task
3. Acceptance of the real outcome
1) My mindset is "friendly drunk guy". I wrote about this one page earlier. This helps eliminate all the fear of being percieved as a psycho or any kind of judgment. This adds humour to your approach which is very powerful.
2) Usually you will tell yourself: why do I want to speak to this person, there is no point (this happens when the people you pass are really nasty looking ;)). At this time you must focus on the task. I imagine a counter in my head and just go for it. Immediately after saying hello I increase the counter :).
3) Let's face it. Where I live NOBODY says Hi to strangers on the street. So when I say it, people are either: shocked, try to ignore it or don't actually believe what they heard. Once you ACCEPT that this is the reality things get MUCH easier because you get rid of your worst enemy, the thing that stops all men especially shy ones, that is NEEDINESS.
We all live in a fantasy world. A world where we are the greatest Don Juans in the world. We all KNOW that when you look at this cute HB she just melts and you are the most powerful person on earth. That is our fantasy. And here comes the greatest fear of all. We are afraid that if we simply say Hi to this girl she won't respond to you how you want it and THAT WILL DESTROY YOUR WHOLE WORLD. We are afraid that our fantasy world is not real. Well guess what? It's not real. You must ACCEPT that when you say Hi to anyone they usually won't respond as you expect it. This is why nice guys live a miserable life because they expect women to fall in love with them because they are so nice to them. They need their approval. This is also why positive thinking fails. You try to think positively because you need something. But there is a difference between WANTING something and NEEDING. You WANT the HB to smile at you and you WANT to f*** her, but you can't expect it. When you don't expect it magical things happen. Your brain knows the reality, and when you need the outcome to be good, it produces fear when you want to say Hi or when you want to approach. When you need the approval of the other person and you know the reality is rejection you will be afraid. So, to just do it, you must not need it, expect what is realistic and then when you finally meet a normal person like you that likes to say 'Hi' to strangers be surprised by it :).
Of course it is not easy to get rid of neediness. I hope this bootcamp will solve the problem atleast partially. The only way I see to get rid of it is making it a habit to approach women and learning what is the ratio between rejection and success. I think we all should read on week 1 Pook's post [B]"Habit is all"[/B]. It's the correct mindset for this bootcamp.
I did 15 Hi's today and therefore my count is:
[B]50/50[/B] !!!
I'm taking a break since I'm wasted and am waiting for week 2.
Thomas94305: I will write a little about my self-talk since I really analyze myself a lot. Here is my take on the "Hi" assignment, if it will help somebody then great!
Generally thinking and self-talk is bad when doing this. But how not to think and just do it? Well you have to convince yourself (your brain and your body) that you really WANT to do this. There are 3 things that helped me complete this task:
1. Mindset (or frame of mind)
2. Focus on the task
3. Acceptance of the real outcome
1) My mindset is "friendly drunk guy". I wrote about this one page earlier. This helps eliminate all the fear of being percieved as a psycho or any kind of judgment. This adds humour to your approach which is very powerful.
2) Usually you will tell yourself: why do I want to speak to this person, there is no point (this happens when the people you pass are really nasty looking ;)). At this time you must focus on the task. I imagine a counter in my head and just go for it. Immediately after saying hello I increase the counter :).
3) Let's face it. Where I live NOBODY says Hi to strangers on the street. So when I say it, people are either: shocked, try to ignore it or don't actually believe what they heard. Once you ACCEPT that this is the reality things get MUCH easier because you get rid of your worst enemy, the thing that stops all men especially shy ones, that is NEEDINESS.
We all live in a fantasy world. A world where we are the greatest Don Juans in the world. We all KNOW that when you look at this cute HB she just melts and you are the most powerful person on earth. That is our fantasy. And here comes the greatest fear of all. We are afraid that if we simply say Hi to this girl she won't respond to you how you want it and THAT WILL DESTROY YOUR WHOLE WORLD. We are afraid that our fantasy world is not real. Well guess what? It's not real. You must ACCEPT that when you say Hi to anyone they usually won't respond as you expect it. This is why nice guys live a miserable life because they expect women to fall in love with them because they are so nice to them. They need their approval. This is also why positive thinking fails. You try to think positively because you need something. But there is a difference between WANTING something and NEEDING. You WANT the HB to smile at you and you WANT to f*** her, but you can't expect it. When you don't expect it magical things happen. Your brain knows the reality, and when you need the outcome to be good, it produces fear when you want to say Hi or when you want to approach. When you need the approval of the other person and you know the reality is rejection you will be afraid. So, to just do it, you must not need it, expect what is realistic and then when you finally meet a normal person like you that likes to say 'Hi' to strangers be surprised by it :).
Of course it is not easy to get rid of neediness. I hope this bootcamp will solve the problem atleast partially. The only way I see to get rid of it is making it a habit to approach women and learning what is the ratio between rejection and success. I think we all should read on week 1 Pook's post [B]"Habit is all"[/B]. It's the correct mindset for this bootcamp.
Bootcamp - w1d4
Here's my report on today:
I was feeling very low on confidence today. I spent several hours trying about everything to complete the task. Every mindset, every positive affirmation, every position and place. I was really thinking about quitting. It was really really really hard. But did that stop me? Hell NO! Here's my count:
Hi's:
35/50
I did 30 Hi's today, it's unbelievable for me! If you are having troubles with this task here is what I did, and this is from a guy that felt hopeless just a few hours ago:
First I started pretending that I'm saying Hi. Yes, I know it's stupid but I just looked people in the eyes and moved my lips. It was a rehearsal as you may call it.
I didn't really feel right, I felt that people are judging me. So what I did was I sat down and just connected to the moment and started realizing that all people are like me, everybody is really friendly and loving but they have these shields around them that prevent them from showing it. This is a big thing: I ACCEPTED that people won't respond to me. I ACCEPTED that when I will say hello they will ignore me or whatever. And you know what? That is also the reality, if you are doing this on the streets or in the mall people will ignore you or look at you scared. But that does not stop you because of the second thing I discovered today:
In my head, I am the FRIENDLY DRUNK GUY. I took this from Style, I heard him say this about his mindset when approaching. When you make an auto-suggestion that you are a little bit drunk (like happy drunk, after 1 or 2 beers) and you don't really care about how people REACT to you then it is completely easy to say hello to people and it is very very funny.
So if you are having trouble with Hi's, try my method!
I was feeling very low on confidence today. I spent several hours trying about everything to complete the task. Every mindset, every positive affirmation, every position and place. I was really thinking about quitting. It was really really really hard. But did that stop me? Hell NO! Here's my count:
Hi's:
35/50
I did 30 Hi's today, it's unbelievable for me! If you are having troubles with this task here is what I did, and this is from a guy that felt hopeless just a few hours ago:
First I started pretending that I'm saying Hi. Yes, I know it's stupid but I just looked people in the eyes and moved my lips. It was a rehearsal as you may call it.
I didn't really feel right, I felt that people are judging me. So what I did was I sat down and just connected to the moment and started realizing that all people are like me, everybody is really friendly and loving but they have these shields around them that prevent them from showing it. This is a big thing: I ACCEPTED that people won't respond to me. I ACCEPTED that when I will say hello they will ignore me or whatever. And you know what? That is also the reality, if you are doing this on the streets or in the mall people will ignore you or look at you scared. But that does not stop you because of the second thing I discovered today:
In my head, I am the FRIENDLY DRUNK GUY. I took this from Style, I heard him say this about his mindset when approaching. When you make an auto-suggestion that you are a little bit drunk (like happy drunk, after 1 or 2 beers) and you don't really care about how people REACT to you then it is completely easy to say hello to people and it is very very funny.
So if you are having trouble with Hi's, try my method!
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Bootcamp - w1d3
I'm doing Ross Jeffries confidence excercises. It got me really pumped up. I felt very individuated this morning. I felt very spiritual and connected with other people. I could see their souls. Like if it was the matrix and I could see who they really are. There is no fear in this world.
However I lost this "vision" when I didn't say Hi to a girl I found cute. This was one of the first people I made contact with. I must attack from the beginning. Make the excercise as fast as possible. Especially when you're in a frame like the one I described.
Quote:
I still blurted out "hi". She of course returned the greeting but was now clearly behind me. That one made me crack up!
Quote:
When I am laughing about it - the next Hi's go faster and smoother - cause I don't care about their reaction or what they are gonna think.
Does it make sense to you guys?
That is the exact attitude we are looking for!
I've passed and held EC with about 1000 people today, I don't know . It's a national holiday here so there was a lot of people on the streets. So EC is not a problem for me, however saying 'Hi' is just a steel wall for me, it's f***ing hard!. It's probably easier to get laid than to say 'Hi' for me . I feel like I'm in a shell and can't communicate with people, I feel like writing a poem about it or something... I hate this introversion... The good thing is that the more I have failures the more energy I have to do this more. I want to keep trying until I complete this excercise or I suffocate!
The point of this task is really to make it a habit to break out of your character and start making a new friendly social one. 8 weeks is not long enough to build skills with women but it is enough to learn how to break out of the comfort zone, how to conquer and demolish consistently all comfort zones that will arise in your life.
My current count of Hi's:
5/50
The times when I do the hello is when I'm either being playful, treating it like a game, or not thinking at all, reacting on impulse.
The times when I don't say it I'm thinking too much. The paradox is that it can be positive stuff like "do it! DO IT DO IT!". But that is too much thinking for me and I don't do it .
Anyone want to analyze how they break the ice and say 'Hi'?
However I lost this "vision" when I didn't say Hi to a girl I found cute. This was one of the first people I made contact with. I must attack from the beginning. Make the excercise as fast as possible. Especially when you're in a frame like the one I described.
Quote:
I still blurted out "hi". She of course returned the greeting but was now clearly behind me. That one made me crack up!
Quote:
When I am laughing about it - the next Hi's go faster and smoother - cause I don't care about their reaction or what they are gonna think.
Does it make sense to you guys?
That is the exact attitude we are looking for!
I've passed and held EC with about 1000 people today, I don't know . It's a national holiday here so there was a lot of people on the streets. So EC is not a problem for me, however saying 'Hi' is just a steel wall for me, it's f***ing hard!. It's probably easier to get laid than to say 'Hi' for me . I feel like I'm in a shell and can't communicate with people, I feel like writing a poem about it or something... I hate this introversion... The good thing is that the more I have failures the more energy I have to do this more. I want to keep trying until I complete this excercise or I suffocate!
The point of this task is really to make it a habit to break out of your character and start making a new friendly social one. 8 weeks is not long enough to build skills with women but it is enough to learn how to break out of the comfort zone, how to conquer and demolish consistently all comfort zones that will arise in your life.
My current count of Hi's:
5/50
The times when I do the hello is when I'm either being playful, treating it like a game, or not thinking at all, reacting on impulse.
The times when I don't say it I'm thinking too much. The paradox is that it can be positive stuff like "do it! DO IT DO IT!". But that is too much thinking for me and I don't do it .
Anyone want to analyze how they break the ice and say 'Hi'?
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Context
Dr. Paul:
Go out and coach yourself at all time. You will be percieved as COOL.
Taking action is better than doing nothing.
Courage - there is something more important than fear.
I got out today with the intention of saying Hi's. I didn't do anything. I felt really wierd. I was oversensitive especially to smell. Everybody stank. It mut be some hormonal thing? Also I wasn't comfortable with my clothes. This is big. If you're not going some place were clothes really matter wair stuff that you are comfortable with, it will save you a lot of time. If you're comfortable you can DO anything. I did train eye contact. There is still much to learn in this field. Here is what I did today:
A good technique to learn this is to: pretend that you can't move your head up or down, like there is an invisible force field or your neck is broken. So you have to keep your head straight. It will feel stupid for the first couple of minutes but if you break through that feeling you'll find that keeping eye contact is a very natural thing, because holding your head up confidently and not looking at someone looks stupid because you are like the terminator. If you hold your head and look at people you are like a friendly cool person they wanna meet.
Another thing I learned today: my worst fear in any social situation is fear of losing my context. Or my frame, or my personality. The whole purpose of 'the game' is to maintain and put context on other people. If you project your context on other people you are higher value and status than them. When I lose the frame or someone projects their frame on me I lose. Those are the times when I feel terrible. The times when I succesfully project my context I feel wonderful.
If you are the 'real best self', there is no context. Hence there is no 'game. Nobody loses. But, contexts are fun. I want to use them only for fun and learning. This way I won't get hurt when losing the game. I want to approach people with different contexts in mind, I made up even characters:
- Clinton: the charming auto-ironic knight
- Teddy: the ironic dope
- Migel: the seducer
Insecure, unsuccesful women admire stereotypical handsome men and they show it. The same kind of men do for hot blonde women. That is why I get attention from these girls and I intuitively back off from them.
Go out and coach yourself at all time. You will be percieved as COOL.
Taking action is better than doing nothing.
Courage - there is something more important than fear.
I got out today with the intention of saying Hi's. I didn't do anything. I felt really wierd. I was oversensitive especially to smell. Everybody stank. It mut be some hormonal thing? Also I wasn't comfortable with my clothes. This is big. If you're not going some place were clothes really matter wair stuff that you are comfortable with, it will save you a lot of time. If you're comfortable you can DO anything. I did train eye contact. There is still much to learn in this field. Here is what I did today:
A good technique to learn this is to: pretend that you can't move your head up or down, like there is an invisible force field or your neck is broken. So you have to keep your head straight. It will feel stupid for the first couple of minutes but if you break through that feeling you'll find that keeping eye contact is a very natural thing, because holding your head up confidently and not looking at someone looks stupid because you are like the terminator. If you hold your head and look at people you are like a friendly cool person they wanna meet.
Another thing I learned today: my worst fear in any social situation is fear of losing my context. Or my frame, or my personality. The whole purpose of 'the game' is to maintain and put context on other people. If you project your context on other people you are higher value and status than them. When I lose the frame or someone projects their frame on me I lose. Those are the times when I feel terrible. The times when I succesfully project my context I feel wonderful.
If you are the 'real best self', there is no context. Hence there is no 'game. Nobody loses. But, contexts are fun. I want to use them only for fun and learning. This way I won't get hurt when losing the game. I want to approach people with different contexts in mind, I made up even characters:
- Clinton: the charming auto-ironic knight
- Teddy: the ironic dope
- Migel: the seducer
Insecure, unsuccesful women admire stereotypical handsome men and they show it. The same kind of men do for hot blonde women. That is why I get attention from these girls and I intuitively back off from them.
Monday, May 01, 2006
Day 1
Anthony Robins taught me these breath techniques to give you more energy. Wow. It is better than adrenaline heart injections.
dirtsimple.org:
"our quality of life in interaction with others is going to be governed by your ability to be confident."
"treat yourself with care, and as your "horse" unlearns its fears and learns to trust you"
Teach your brain to trust you and the fear will dissapear.
-----------------------
Who the fuck is in charge??
I did day 1 of bootcamp although it hasn't started because of Shezzlers delay. I just went out and decided to say Hi to people. Although I did it a couple times some months ago I couldn't spit the word out today. For future reference here are the stages of going out with the intention of doing something like saying Hi:
1. 10-30 minutes - Self-conscious stage
You are inside your head. You are thinking about everything. Especially things that are not really related on what you intend to do like: what am I doing? Maybe I should do something else? I look stupid. What if someone I know sees me? What if people respond to me?
You must focus on not thinking about this stuff. For every negative thought backfire with a positive belief like: It's none of my business what other people think!
It will take time and energy but finally you will become concentrated on the task and all you'll think about is what you want to do. All thoughts now will be task related. This also includes fears of doing the thing which will have to be dealt later.
2. 1-3 hours - Do it stage
You are pumped up now and motivated. You have some chemicals in your body that help you accomplish your task. This is the stage where you should be doing most of your work. Squeeze this time out, you will get physically tired after some hours so use this time. You will have to deal with fear at this stage by simply ignoring it. This is the hard part, but if you are in this stage your body will lead. You must trust it and just do the work. Say: I WANT to do it and go for it.
3. 1-2 hours - The chill stage
You did or did not do your job. It doesn't matter. This is a stage when all the action chemicals get flushed out and you get a feeling of being somehow individuated. The best description of this state is "I don't give a shit about anything". In this stage you do not feel fear. You have no negative thoughts you are really relaxed and confident. You get a really clear picture on what you are doing right and what you are doing wrong. This is a good time to make notes for later. This is also a stage where you are not motivated and simply will not do anything. This is a good state if someone approached you because you would just not care about the outcome of the interaction. But that won't happen so maybe you can find a way yo make approaches at this stage?
Why did I write this? Because knowledge of structure gives several advantages. If you know that there is a self-conscious stage you won't beat yourself over it and quit too early. If you know you will feel fear you will be prepared to deal with it. If you know you will feel somewhat special after the work is done you will feel good about doing the work again and again until you have mastered it.
dirtsimple.org:
"our quality of life in interaction with others is going to be governed by your ability to be confident."
"treat yourself with care, and as your "horse" unlearns its fears and learns to trust you"
Teach your brain to trust you and the fear will dissapear.
-----------------------
Who the fuck is in charge??
I did day 1 of bootcamp although it hasn't started because of Shezzlers delay. I just went out and decided to say Hi to people. Although I did it a couple times some months ago I couldn't spit the word out today. For future reference here are the stages of going out with the intention of doing something like saying Hi:
1. 10-30 minutes - Self-conscious stage
You are inside your head. You are thinking about everything. Especially things that are not really related on what you intend to do like: what am I doing? Maybe I should do something else? I look stupid. What if someone I know sees me? What if people respond to me?
You must focus on not thinking about this stuff. For every negative thought backfire with a positive belief like: It's none of my business what other people think!
It will take time and energy but finally you will become concentrated on the task and all you'll think about is what you want to do. All thoughts now will be task related. This also includes fears of doing the thing which will have to be dealt later.
2. 1-3 hours - Do it stage
You are pumped up now and motivated. You have some chemicals in your body that help you accomplish your task. This is the stage where you should be doing most of your work. Squeeze this time out, you will get physically tired after some hours so use this time. You will have to deal with fear at this stage by simply ignoring it. This is the hard part, but if you are in this stage your body will lead. You must trust it and just do the work. Say: I WANT to do it and go for it.
3. 1-2 hours - The chill stage
You did or did not do your job. It doesn't matter. This is a stage when all the action chemicals get flushed out and you get a feeling of being somehow individuated. The best description of this state is "I don't give a shit about anything". In this stage you do not feel fear. You have no negative thoughts you are really relaxed and confident. You get a really clear picture on what you are doing right and what you are doing wrong. This is a good time to make notes for later. This is also a stage where you are not motivated and simply will not do anything. This is a good state if someone approached you because you would just not care about the outcome of the interaction. But that won't happen so maybe you can find a way yo make approaches at this stage?
Why did I write this? Because knowledge of structure gives several advantages. If you know that there is a self-conscious stage you won't beat yourself over it and quit too early. If you know you will feel fear you will be prepared to deal with it. If you know you will feel somewhat special after the work is done you will feel good about doing the work again and again until you have mastered it.
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