Fucked up

I was reading in the "the Game" how fucked up Mystery is. I fear that if I will live alone I will have the same emotional problems. It is a tough thing, even the greatest intelligence can't handle emotions. You just have good days and bad days. Of course I developed a method to bring myself back to a good mood but it really is hard work. Are people attracted to you if you have emotional problems? Like you are more human? I should show more emotions. I'm always either Zen-like or happy. It's ok to feel greef or just say that you don't feel high today.
The bottom-line is this: Mystery's view of the world as Survival and Reproduction is true. It is the true view of the world and EVERYTHING falls into that. But. But it doesn't help you live. It causes emotional problems because the theory is logic and emotions aren't logical. That is why faith and spirituality was invented in our brains. This is what helps you go through life. Logic is bad for dealing with emotions.

Today I felt like a squeezed out olive. I was emotionally down. I didn't feel so fucking bad in months, I don't even remember if I ever was? I can snap out of it but still it is haunting me. I did a new opener for people today. It was a question: "Is my backpack open?". I rehearsed it at home. I was determined to use it on the first person I meet when I come out. I spotted a lady (late 20s). I knew this was it. I approached her, did my line and she smiled and looked at my backpack and was all happy. And that blew me off. I didn't know what to do, I was terrified. I used it once more on a guy and it was all cool, again I was astonished how friendly people
are. This was the wierdest thing. I was terrified because I made a totally strange woman smile in 3 seconds. I was terrified with my power. Is this fucked up or what? I didn't speak to any stranger at all for the rest of the day. I spoke to cashier girls and it was really great. They smiled and it was good but I wasn't myself, I mean, I wasn't in a mindframe useful for making something else out of it. Also, I felt down today because of this one cashier girl. I felt the same way as a couple months ago with a pretty girl on a wheelchair. The wheelchair girl had the most beatiful eyes I have seen, I stared at them and she smiled. I then instincitvely turned my head back. I felt awful. Today was the same, but today I saw progress. I smiled to the cashier girl and she smiled back to me. Very beatiful smile but then I cut it off and was a usual customer. It was awkward. I wasn't attracted to her so probably that is why. But I felt bad because someone is attracted to me and I feel bad for not expressing myself. Shit this is too complicated. I must not be a wuss about this stuff.
Tomorrow I will train new lines with stranger and maybe try out Gunwitches method to see if I can switch a different personality if I go into the sexual state.